


Second Chance Encounter

by Snakeofthe80s



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Friendship, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Lily Evans Potter Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:26:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 57,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22966138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snakeofthe80s/pseuds/Snakeofthe80s
Summary: Harry and Lily survive Voldemort's attack. Lily goes somewhere she thinks will be safe and runs into someone familiar and the last person she would expect: Severus Snape.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 216
Kudos: 140





	1. That Fateful Halloween Night

**Author's Note:**

> Another story I originally wrote on FF and posting here with some changes.

"Is Harry asleep?" James asked. Lily nodded as she sat beside her husband. They had only been discussing the war for a short time when they heard a conspicuous creaking of the gate. James peered out and looked back at Lily with horror.

"Lily, get Harry, run, hide. I'll try and stall him." She hesitated. "Run!" She ran upstairs and as she entered Harry's room; she heard the lock break. She grabbed Harry. The wards had been broken.

"Run, James, run to us." She said to herself out loud. Just then, she heard the very words she dreaded.

"Avada Kedavra!"

"No!" She called out, but stopped herself from a scream. He was gone. Her husband was gone. She had to save Harry. She heard someone coming up the steps. "No, no." She had to think fast. "Apparate." She shut her eyes and thought about somewhere she once felt safe. They disappeared into oblivion as the door shot open to Harry's room.

Lily landed on the grass and looked at Harry. He had thrown up on her blouse. Perfect. At least they were safe. She looked around. She was in her old neighborhood. Her parents didn't live there anymore since they had passed away, but it was place of refuge. Still, that thing didn't know where she grew up and she highly doubted he'd ever come here.

It was dark. Harry whimpered and a rumble of thunder rang in the air. She had to find a place of shelter. A restaurant, anywhere. Tears formed in her eyes as she took off down the road. She was not sure where to go or what to do now. She heard a noise and turned around. A cat. When she turned back, she hit something.

"Watch where you're going!" The man snapped at them, but then gave a gasp. "Lily?" Lily looked up in shock.

"Severus?" She had forgotten he used to live here too. How could she have forgotten? "You never saw us, understand?" She started away.

"Lily, wait." She stopped. "What happened?"

"He's after us. I'm sure you knew that, being one of them." She said it cockily, but at the look of shock on his face, she winced. He hadn't known.

"But, he, how? You were supposed to be hidden."

Lily was rather shaken that he knew that bit of information. "How did you know that?" He winced. "Tell me, dammit!"

"I told,"

"Voldemort where we were! You traitor!"

"NO!" She jumped slightly. "Not really. It's a long story, but no. Dumbledore was supposed to hide you. All of you."

"I know he hid us, but why would you know that?"

"The prophecy."

"What?"

"The prophecy. It's my fault. No one thought he would believe such nonsense."

"What?" She was still confused. He looked guilt-ridden. "What did you do?"

"I overheard Trelawney make a silly prophecy. I gave him what I heard as his former spy, thinking it was utter nonsense. He didn't think so and decided it meant you and your baby."

"How could you?" The hurt in her voice was unmistakable. It made him cringe inside.

"I didn't know. It was hogwash, or so I thought."

"Why you little" She stopped. "Was a spy? What do mean by that? You aren't anymore? He promoted you? What? To find us?"

"NO!" She jumped in surprise. "No one else knows. I went to Dumbledore after Voldemort took the prophecy seriously. He was supposed to protect you. How could it fail unless someone ratted you out somehow?" 

She gasped. "He wouldn't have!"

"You didn't make yourselves secret keepers?"

Lily gulped as tears pooled her eyes. "James wanted a friend to do it." She whispered.

Severus scoffed. "Well, I wouldn't put it past Black to do that."

"No."

"What?"

"Black wasn't the secret keeper. He thought that would be too obvious. Pettigrew was."

Severus's eyes grew wide. "You're still friends with that rat?"

"James is, but why would you care?"

Severus's jaw locked as his eyes locked with hers. "I saw him."

She raised her forehead. "Where?"

"At the last Death Eater meeting. I thought you all had dropped him." Lily nearly dropped Harry, who was asleep in her arms now.

"No! No, he sold us out?" Tears began to fill her eyes again and she started to become dizzy. It was all too much at once.

Severus's expression softened as she headed into a panic. "Come on, we have to go to Dumbledore. I mean, Professor Dumbledore. Hogwarts is safe. We can apparate once away from here."

She didn't know why she trusted this man who was once her best friend. Something told her he would not harm her. Deep down, she knew he never would have harmed her.

"What happened to your shirt?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh, Harry didn't take kindly to being apparated, I guess."

"Where's Potter?" He asked with a sneer until he saw Lily's face fall in misery. "No."

"He's gone." She choked back tears as they walked. Out of sight, they apparated outside the gates of Hogwarts and entered inside the castle where they found Dumbledore wandering the corridors. The students were all in bed this time of night.

"Albus!" He turned.

"Lily, dear. What happened?"

"James. Voldemort. He came after us." She choked back tears, not wanting to break down right now. "He killed James. I got Harry and we got out just in time. He was coming for us, I heard him upstairs as we left."

"Oh, no. No, how did he find out?"

"Pettigrew." Severus spoke before Lily could. "He's a Death Eater."

"You saw him?"

"Yes, sir."

"Black suggested Pettigrew. He thought it would be safer." She was shaking.

"You put your trust in the wrong person." Dumbledore said before turning to Severus. "Just like someone else I know."

Severus put his head down. Lily could have easily died tonight because he had trusted Voldemort and all because of a silly, stupid prophecy. If she had died, he never would have forgiven himself.

"I must find Black and inform him of what happened and that you two are okay." He started to leave the room. "Oh, um, Severus?" Severus looked at the Headmaster. "Take Lily and Harry to your place for the night. It should be a safe location. It'll be the last place Voldemort would look for them."

Take Lily to his place? He rarely ever let Lily in the place when they kids, but that was because of his father mostly. Now that his parents had passed away, he did not have to worry about that. It wasn't quite the pigsty it was when they children, but it was still a drab place.

"Yes, sir." He agreed reluctantly.

Dumbledore left and they followed. Lily wasn't sure she wanted to go Severus's place, but Dumbledore seemed to trust him. They left the grounds once more and apparated, landing at Spinner's End. Rain was pouring down. He led her inside, unsure how this was going to go. He expected this would end up being a complete disaster.


	2. Civil Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in over five years, Lily and Severus have a conversation.

Lily stepped inside the home with Harry asleep at her hip. It was the last place she wanted to be right now. She had hardly spoken to the man since their fifth year. Saying it was slightly awkward to be staying at his home was an understatement.

He shut the door and turned on the lights. "So, um." He cleared his throat. "You can have my bedroom for the night. It's on the left upstairs."

"Oh, no, I couldn't." It was his house, he should keep his room.

"I insist. You are the guest. I'll take the couch. I have no other beds in the house."

"I'd take the couch."

"I like the couch. You and the baby can have the bed. I won't take no for an answer." He smiled at Lily. A genuine smile he hadn't given in a few years. She gave him a slight smile back.

"Oh, alright. I still hate putting you out."

"You aren't, I promise." It was silent.

"Well, I'll just put Harry to bed then." He nodded and she went up the stairs. She turned on the light to the bedroom and sighed. She was exhausted both physically and emotionally. She was still trying to wrap her mind around everything that happened the last hour. Lily laid the sleeping Harry in the middle of the bed so he wouldn't roll off. Just to be safe though, she added bars to the sides of the bed.

"Oh, Harry. I hate that you don't have a daddy anymore. I hate that I don't have my husband anymore." Tears swelled up in her throat and stung her eyes again. She stroked her son's hair. He was sucking his thumb. "I love you so much, Harry. I'll figure out how to help you. I'll leave the country if I have to, whatever it takes. I will never let that evil bastard harm you. I promise, Harry and your mum keeps all her promises." She paused. "All except one." She sighed. "I'm going to go back downstairs and wait for news from Dumbledore. Sleep well, my precious little one."

When she came back down, she found Severus in the kitchen. He looked up from The Daily Prophet when she entered the room.

"Can I get you anything, Lily?" She shook her head. "You sure? Tea? Coffee? Something stronger? Firewhiskey? Malt Liquor?" She looked at him.

"I don't think alcohol will help my situation."

"No, but it's good temporarily." She let out a stiff laugh.

"I don't think that's a good idea, though it's tempting. I don't know if I could stop."

"I really am sorry, Lily."

"Yeah, right. You hated James."

"Yes, that's true, we hated each other. That doesn't mean we wanted the other to die."

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Don't." He put his hand up to stop her. "Don't you dare put any blame on yourself. If anyone is to blame, it is me. I'll shoulder that burden the rest of my life." He poured himself some butterbeer.

It was quiet for a moment. "No, it's not your fault. You just spoke some silly prophecy. You realized your error and tried to make amends. Pettigrew shoulders this blame. He's the one who knowingly sold us out."

"I shoulder some blame, Lily. I still told the Dark Lord the prophecy and he believed it and went after the one he believed it to mean. He went after your son, but failed. Let's hope he doesn't find you. I doubt he will here."

"Let's hope not." She glared at him. "Why do you still call him the Dark Lord?"

"Bad habit. I work as a spy and he calls meetings quite often. It's what I have to call him and I forget not to. Besides I can't bear to call him, Vol-you-know-what. I won't give the megalomaniac the satisfaction."

Lily didn't answer. "I think I'd like a butterbeer if you have one. If not, I might take you up on the offer of firewhiskey." A smile crept up at the corner of his mouth as he got up to get her a drink.

He set the glass of butterbeer in front of her with the bottle next to it. "Here, but I think firewhiskey would be better for you tonight."

"Don't tempt me." She took a drink. Something stronger might have been more appropriate, considering what all had happened, but she knew she might end up drinking too much. Getting drunk would not be a good idea. She knew drowning her sorrows in a bottle would not help her situation nor would it make it all go away.

"A strong drink can always numb the pain." He said with a dry laugh. Lily knew better. Despite what had happened between them, she still knew him too well. She knew that under his sarcastic tone, there was pain to that statement.

"I'm already numb. I don't know how to feel. I'm still trying to process everything." Tears filled her eyes again as she thought of James. She choked them back. She didn't want to cry in front of him, despite the fact that he had seen her cry many a time before. She cleared her throat and took another drink.

Silence filled the room again as they polished off the bottle.

"Should I get a firewhiskey this time?"

She chuckled, but she didn't know why. "Didn't I say not to tempt me with alcohol, Severus Snape." He just smirked and looked at her. She looked back at him. They both realized just then that they were having a civil conversation, the first one they'd had in over five years and they were even joking a little. Neither would have thought this possible, but yet here they were.

"I may be tempting you, but it's because I know you and know you want a strong drink." She smiled and suddenly started to laugh. She had no idea why she was laughing, but she couldn't stop and it didn't take long for her to dissolve into tears. It all hit her at once. She started to sob hard, unable to compose herself or choke the tears back any longer.

Hardly a moment later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, Severus. He's really gone. James is gone and he's not ever coming back. My parents are gone and never coming back. You-Know-Who is after my son, my precious baby, he wants my baby gone. I knew he was evil, but why Harry, why my baby? Why a baby at all? He's all I have left!" She buried her face into his chest, crying harder than she remembered crying for a long time. He hesitantly put his arms around her. He'd always hated to see her upset, but this took the cake. His heart ached for her. He hadn't touched or held her at all for over five years and while he had missed it and longed for it, he had hoped he had forgotten all about her. With his arms around her, all those old thoughts came rushing back and he realized he had never let those feelings go.


	3. Night at Spinner's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus makes a confession to Lily

Lily finally calmed down once she started to feel sick to her stomach. Severus let go and handed her a handkerchief. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose, trying to gather her composure once more.

"I don't know where Harry and I will go now. I probably need to get him out of the country."

"Well," He cleared his throat. "I agree with Dumbledore. This would one of the last places You-Know-Who would ever suspect you to be. He thinks I work for him. Why would I house a-"

"Mudblood?" He cringed at that word.

"I was going to say muggleborn, but in his eyes, yes. Not in mine."

"It's not like you haven't said it before." She said. He cringed, seething at the memory.

"I know. And I had no right to call you that. I'll never forgive myself for calling you that awful word. I took my anger and embarrassment out on you and well," He twisted at the collar of his robe. He hated to admit any failure. "I was wrong. I truly am sorry. I always will be."

"I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"It cost us our friendship." He said, clearing the table.

"Our friendship was already on the edge before then. You were following the Death Eaters. I thought as long as we were friends you wouldn't follow them. When you called me that, I was hurt. I could have forgiven it, but it just confirmed to me that you were heading down that path. I couldn't be a part of it. It pained me to let the friendship go, but it just wasn't going to work anymore." She sighed. "I didn't understand why you wanted to be a part of something like that, something so evil. You weren't like them, but you were determined to belong there. I know the Slytherins gave you a difficult time because of me. A Slytherin befriending a mudblood like me was not the right thing to do."

"Don't call yourself that." He snapped. "Your blood isn't dirty." He huffed. She just looked at him with a confused expression. He knew she was pondering on what he was saying. She had always given that expression when she was deep in thought or was unsure what to think.

"I think I just wanted to be accepted by my housemates. I cared about you. I never wanted to hurt you, honest. I wanted to be different than the Marauders, I guess. I also wanted revenge for they did to me. Maybe I thought it would give me power. Maybe I wanted to prove something. Maybe I wanted to impress others. I'm not really sure. I just know that whatever my reason was, I was a fool."

"I was even more of a fool to let you go." He thought, but didn't dare say it.

"I accept your apology this time."

"What?" He was surprised.

"I accept your apology this time because I know you mean it. I couldn't last time because I knew you were still going to be with Avery and the other creeps. I knew you were sorry, but I didn't believe you wouldn't do it again." She sighed. "You aren't 16 anymore. You changed. I believe you won't call me that again." He didn't answer and decided at that moment, he'd tell her the truth or some of it anyway. There was no need to discuss everything right now.

"Lily?" She looked up. "I have a confession to make." She raised her eyebrows curiously. "I was a spy for the Dark lord before I renounced my ways. I took the mark." She looked at him slightly horrified. He put his left arm on the table and rolled up his sleeves to show her. Her face paled and her hand flew up her mouth.

"You let him brand you?" She exclaimed with revulsion.

"I was a Death Eater." He put up his hand to stop from responding. "Here me out. It's actually useful. You see, the Dark Lord still thinks I'm his spy." He looked her in the eyes. "But I'm not his anymore." He took a deep breath. "Dumbledore wants me to stay a Death Eater, but under different circumstances."

Lily, clever as always, knew immediately what he meant. "Dumbledore wants you to be his spy." Severus nodded. She wasn't sure what to think about this. She needed to grasp the idea.

She sighed and looked at the clock. It was nearly two in the morning. "I think we better head to bed. We should talk more about this in the morning." She got up from the table.

"Your blouse still has vomit on it." He noted. She looked down.

"I forgot about it. I'll scrub it off so I won't make your bed smell."

"I have a few shirts you can use if you want. At least until you can get some clothes of your own anyway." He treaded carefully with his words, not wanting her to be reminded too much of her predicament.

"That would probably be better. Thanks." She started to leave the room, but turned back at the doorway.

"Thanks for all this."

"It's not a problem. Honest." She smiled at him, a genuine smile. It had been a long time since she'd given him one.

"Well, good night, Severus."

"Night, Lily." She left the room and went up stairs. He got up and headed to the living room. He put a few charms on the couch to make it more comfortable before lying down.  
While Severus didn't have much trouble falling asleep, Lily did. Every time she drifted off into a peaceful slumber, her mind replayed the events of the evening over and over. Each time she heard her husband telling her to run. Each time she heard those dreaded words of the curse: Avada Kedavra. Those words etched in her mind and kept confirming her reality. Her husband was gone. She was alone with Harry. The truth was so much harder to accept than the fantasy. All her dreams of marriage, children and growing old with the man of her dreams had come crashing down on her.

Each she woke up from the frightening scenes in her mind, she saw her baby beside her, fast asleep. It comforted her. Thank heavens her little boy was okay. She had to be strong, for his sake. He needed a mother who wasn't falling to pieces. She was a Gryffindor, she was brave, and she would get through this. She would be okay.


	4. Pot Calls the Kettle Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius arrives at Severus's home and the animosity comes full circle.

Severus was awoken to a loud whishing sound. He sat up quickly and saw Dumbledore coming out of the fireplace. Attached to Dumbledore's arm, with great animosity on his face, was the last person he ever wanted to see in his home: Sirius Black.

"Morning, Severus. I take it Lily took your bed for the night." Dumbledore spoke with a smile.

"I offered it, yes." He said, eyeing Black with utter loathing. Black glared at him with the same contempt.

"I know it's a lot to ask, Severus, but I need you make sure Sirius doesn't leave your home until I give the all clear. We are searching for Pettigrew as of late and Sirius here is intent on killing him. I'd like to keep Pettigrew alive."

"Why? I don't get you, Dumbledore! The monster sold James, Lily and Harry to Voldemort! He deserves nothing less than death!" Severus had never seen Black such a mess before. His temper was uncontrolled and he looked a bit mad. "He helped kill James!" Black pushed his hands through his hair; gripping it with such strength that Severus thought he might pull it all off. That would be a rather humorous sight. Black looked like he was about to collapse in a nervous breakdown. This was entertaining. It would have been even more so if the situation wasn't as terrible as it was.

"Sirius, please, calm yourself. I know what he did, but killing him won't solve anything. He needs to be alive. He'll be sent to Azkaban. The dementors can have him."

"You can't find him!" Black yelled wildly. "He killed them all! He disappeared!"

"I know what he did and we will find him."

"No! He's a rat! All you could find was his goddamn finger!"

"Ok, can I be filled in at some point? What happened to Pettigrew?" Severus asked, growing irritated by the nonsense talk and not being clued in.

"Oh, shut it, Snivellus! It's none of your concern!" Severus glared daggers at Sirius. Sirius glared right back.

"None of my concern, Black? You are standing here, yelling in my living room and Lily is upstairs. Don't tell me it's none of my concern. I'm involved!"

"You are a Death Eater! Of course you are involved! You are involved with that maniac!"

"Was a Death Eater, Black. He was one. He's not anymore." Dumbledore said calmly. "Pettigrew disappeared. Sirius here tried to confront him and Peter took his wand and let it explode behind him down a road. About a dozen muggles were killed in the outburst. Afterwards, he vanished and all anyone could find was his finger. We have several aurors on the hunt for him as we speak. When we find him, he will be put on trial and sent to Azkaban. I have no misgivings on that fact."

"What about the Dark Lord?"

"Voldemort has vanished for now, but I doubt he is far. No word from him on his failure to capture the boy, I presume?"

"Nothing yet, but that's fine with me. The consequences won't be pretty. He will be quite angry."

"Of that I have no doubt. I trust you to tell me what he is planning next and if he has any idea where Harry is hiding. He will be after Harry. He won't give up."

"You have my word. When he calls, I will let you know."

"I don't believe him and don't trust him. I'm not staying in Snivellus's house! I will not be with someone who is in You-Know-Who's good graces." Sirius interrupted the conversation.

"He's helping us, Sirius and you are staying here. It will be safe. I can't have you becoming a murderer."

"The bastard may be in rat form!" Sirius shrieked out

"You really have gone off the deep end, Black." Severus said, looking at Black as though he'd lost his marbles.

He laughed wildly. "No, he's a rat. Pettigrew is a rat, an animagus. His animagus form is a rat." Dumbledore looked shocked at that news.

"A rat animagus? How on earth did he become an animagus?" Black looked guilty.

"Well, we, us, Pettigrew, James and myself that is, we all became animagi. We did it to help Lupin during his-" He looked at Severus as if he didn't want to say something with him there. "-change."

"I already know Lupin's a werewolf, Black." Severus said nonchalantly. Black looked irritated to Severus's pleasure. Severus sneered at this knowledge.

"What is your animigus and what was James?" Dumbledore asked Sirius, ignoring the strife.

"James was a stag. I was a dog. Lupin was more controlled with us around as animals. We made sure no one got near the shack or anywhere close to Remus." Severus clinched his fists as he recalled what Black had done in their fifth year. The stupid prank he pulled could have nearly killed him.

"Really, Black? I recall differently." Sirius turned to Severus and gave a sneer. Severus glared at Sirius.

"Severus?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Do not kill or put Sirius in the hospital. Same goes for you, Sirius. Promise me that."

Severus and Sirius looked at each other with complete abhorrence. "Fine. I won't put Black in the hospital . And I won't kill him. Promise."

"Sirius?"

"Oh, fine. I won't harm him. I promise."

"What's going on down here?" The three men turned to see Lily coming into the room.

"Lily, how was your night?" Dumbledore asked, ignoring the men.

"It was fine, considering."

"I'm glad to hear it. Black is staying for the day or until we catch Pettigrew. I must be off now. You all have a splendid day." He turned and disappeared.

"Lily." Sirius said. "Where's Harry?" He sounded almost panicked.

"Upstairs asleep."

"I'm so glad you and Harry are alright. I saw James when I got to the house and figured you were gone too, all the rubble. It was everywhere. Dumbledore arrived and said you and Harry were okay. He said you were safe." Tears fell out of Sirius's eyes. This was shocking to Severus. He'd never seen Sirius so out of it nor had he ever seen him in tears. He figured Black didn't have those emotions in him. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I never should have suggested Pettigrew."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. It's Pettigrew's blame alone. Don't feel guilty for something you had no control over. He fooled everyone."

Black nodded. "I'm sorry you had to be stuck here with Snivellus." Severus looked daggers at Black.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Sirius, don't call him that. He's been a fine host. He offered Harry and I his bed. I would have happily taken the coach, but he insisted."

"Yes and it's probably the only time he's ever had a girl in his bed." Sirius mocked.

"Do you want me to take back the promise I wouldn't put you in the hospital?" Severus said, glowering at Black. Sirius took out his wand. Severus did the same.

"Can't handle the truth, Snivellus?" At that, Severus muttered a hex at Sirius, knocking him off his feet. "You already broke your promise. I told Dumbledore we couldn't trust you."

"I did not break my promise, Black. I promised not to kill you or put you in the hospital. I did not promise I wouldn't hex you." Black threw a jinx at Severus, who blocked it and it knocked back. Sirius blocked it and it evaporated.

"Enough!" Lily shouted. "You are both adults. Do try and be civil." Suddenly there was a cry from upstairs. "Harry's up. I'll get him and we can go into the kitchen and have some breakfast." She started up the stairs. "And please put those wands away before someone gets hurt!" They both put their wands away.

Severus started down the hall to the kitchen.

"I don't know why James had to marry someone like my mother." Sirius mumbled. 

Severus heard. "Now, Black, I highly doubt Potter would approve of you comparing his wife to your mother." He'd met Mrs. Black once. She was a rather unsavory woman. While Severus's gut still wrung at the thought of Lily marrying Potter, he couldn't resist making a snarky comeback. "It's quite an insult to Lily."

Sirius scowled at Severus, but Severus ignored him and started a pot of coffee. Neither spoke, even after Lily came back down with Harry. She turned one of his seats into a high chair and put Harry in it.

"Would you like some help with breakfast, Severus?" She asked him.

"No, I was just fixing some hot cereal. I hope that's alright."

"It sounds great and Harry can eat it himself." She looked at Harry. "Do you have some fruit? Maybe a banana?"

"Yes, over by the bread basket." She got up and took a banana and used her wand to slice it for Harry. He took the bites eagerly as the adults all sat down for breakfast.

"Thanks for the food, Snivellus. But next time wear a frilly pink apron. It would be much more entertaining." Severus glared daggers at Sirius. Sirius paid him no need and continued. "Oh, and you need to be barefoot and we can charm you to look pregnant. A woman's place, eh?" Sirius laughed at his own joke. At that moment, Lily took The Daily Prophet, rolled it up and smacked Sirius across his arm with it to Severus's satisfaction.

"Ow! Hey!" She glowered at Sirius.

"Woman's place my arse, Black."

"Well, weren't you barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen a year ago?" She smacked him again. "Stop that!" All of a sudden, Black was hit with some of oatmeal. "What the-?" He looked at Severus, who threw his hands up, claiming innocence. Harry giggled and bounced a little in his seat before using his spoon as a catapult once more at Black, hitting his nose.

"Harry No!" Lily exclaimed, rushing over to Harry. Harry attempted to fling another spoonful of oatmeal, but Lily stopped him. "No, Harry."

"No!" He said back. "Hit man."

Severus smirked. "You know, Lily. I like your kid already. Getting even with Black. He has potential." Even if he is Potter spawn, Severus thought. 

"You say that like it's a bad thing, Snivellus. James was a great guy, so of course he has potential." Severus was ready to give a comeback, but the look on Black's face stopped him in his tracks. Sirius had just spoken of James Potter in the past tense and it clearly pained him. He rethought his words.

"I disagree, Black. Let's just hope that for the world's sake, Harry takes after his mother."

"He's the spitting image of James. He looks exactly like him."

"Looks aren't everything, Black." Severus turned to Harry. The boy did look like a pint-size James Potter. There was no denying he was James's kid. Severus felt a sick chill down his shine at the thought of another James Potter in the world and turned back to his breakfast to forget about it.

At that moment, Harry turned to Severus. Severus looked up, sensing someone watching him. He spotted the child scrutinizing him with intent interest. Severus slowly met Harry's stare. Their eyes met with intensity and they locked upon the other's gazes.

0o0o0 

Lily. That was all Severus thought as he looked at Harry's emerald green eyes. There wasn't a trace of James Potter in them. He belonged to Lily. He was Lily's son. Severus realized he was staring and turned his gaze from Harry. He was both Lily and James and he couldn't think about James and Lily together.

Harry was still watching him, his head slightly cocked. It was making Severus uncomfortable as he finished his breakfast. He hoped that if he ignored the boy, he'd look somewhere else. Maybe he'd fling more cereal at Sirius. Severus would like that.

A knock at the door stopped everyone in their tracks. Harry stopped staring and turned to look behind him. "Door." He said, pointing over his shoulder. Severus got up and took out his wand. Lily jumped up and ran to Harry, pulling him out of the high chair so fast, she nearly knocked it over. Sirius pulled out his wand as Severus headed to the door.

"If you have to, run out the back door and apparate. If it's the Dark Lord, I'll stall him." Lily was horrified, taking quick steps to the back door. She held Harry with one hand and the doorknob with the other, ready to run if necessary. Sirius was now on his feet, his wand pointed at the front door. Severus slowly unlocked and opened the front door, his wand out, prepared for the worst.

"Easy there, Severus." It was Lupin. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know, Lupin, I think it's the first time I've ever actually been happy to see you." Severus put his wand down from Lupin's forehead and turned to the others. "It's just Lupin." Lily let go of the doorknob and Sirius put his wand away and ran for the door. Lupin came inside and Severus shut and locked the door back. Lupin and Sirius gave each other a quick embrace and a handshake.

Lupin turned to Lily and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank heavens, Lily. I'm so glad you two are alright." He rushed towards them and embraced Lily and Harry. "Dumbledore sent a message and I came back as soon as I heard. I am so, so sorry. I can't believe Peter betrayed us." Anger engulfed his last sentence. "I can't believe James is, he's, "

"Gone." Lily finished, choking back tears once more. She held Harry close, who was fussing with her to let him down. The house was silent. Severus wasn't happy about having two marauders in his home. He decided to break the silence.

"Dumbledore isn't forcing you stay here against your will also, is he?" He asked Lupin. 

Lupin chuckled. "No, Severus. I just had to check up on Lily. Dumbledore told me she was with you."

"Does everyone in the Order of the Phoenix know Lily is here? Is that a safe idea considering what happened before? Wasn't the scoundrel part of the Order? Look what happened."

"We wouldn't dare betray her like Pettigrew." The spite in his voice was obvious. "Only Dumbledore, Sirius and myself know of her whereabouts. Dumbledore also told me you are his spy." 

Severus glared at Lupin. "And this is a problem?"

"No, not at all. It's very brave of you to pretend to be under Voldemort's good graces, fooling him into giving you important information. I know I couldn't manage the feat. I also came here to discuss-"

"Sounds like a foolish thing only you would do, Snivellus. What happens if You-Know-Who finds out? He'll kill you, you know that?" Black interrupted Lupin, focusing on Snape.

"I'm well aware of the consequences. I also don't plan on him finding out, Black. I have already fooled him once. I will have you know that I am quite accomplished at Legilimens and Occulmency."

"You can fool Dumbledore the same way. I bet you are just waiting until the next Death Eater meeting so you can turn Lily in."

"If I wanted to betray Lily I would have already done so, Black. All I had to do was press the mark and use a spell with my wand. They wouldn't still be here. Use what little sense there is in your thick skull and think."

"I hate to bring it up, but we have to." Lupin interjected. "Dumbledore has James's body at Hogwarts for now." It clearly pained Lupin to talk about this. "He says James wanted to be buried at Godric's Hollow." 

Lily nodded. She put Harry down and he walked around the kitchen, looking around at the strange place. "Yes, we'd talked about it, but made no plans, officially. We were actually discussing this when You-Know-Who arrived. We both feared we might die in this war and were preparing for the worst."

"Dumbledore found a nice plot for him and is planning on having the funeral tonight if that's okay with you. I think he just wants to make sure everyone who wants to pay their respects can come. If it's too soon, I can have Dumbledore wait another day."

"No." Lily said, her face contorted, as if trying not to show emotion. "Tonight is fine. I just don't know what to do with Harry. I don't want him there, but I'm also terrified to leave his sight. It'll have to be with someone I can trust not to hurt him and will keep him safe from You-Know-Who."

"I'll stay and watch him." Sirius said, painfully. "He's my godson, after all."

"No, you need to come and pay your last respects. He was like a brother to you. Same for Lupin." Lily sighed and was deep in thought. Suddenly, she perked up and turned to Severus. He looked at her, fearing what she was about to ask him to do. He'd say no. He was not watching the Potter spawn. No way.

"Severus?" He met her eyes. "You probably don't want to, but can I ask a small favor?" No way, he thought in his head. I'm not watching your kid. "I trust you to keep him safe. You've given us a place to stay. Just for a couple hours this evening. He's not old enough to understand and so many people will be there, upset and likely fussing over him. I don't want to upset him. Besides, I fear the possibility of You-Know-Who finding out about the funeral. He's after Harry. You know this. I'd rather soon die than lose my baby."

Severus listened, feeling torn. On one hand, he didn't want to babysit. He wasn't the babysitting type. He certainly never wanted to babysit Potter's kid. On the other hand, Harry was Lily's child too. She was right to worry about him going and she needed his help. He was the only one who had no desire to go to Potter's funeral and who would also keep the boy from harm.

"Oh, fine." He wasn't going to tell Lily no. Even if that meant babysitting the brat. "What if the Dark Lord calls while you're gone? What will I do with the kid then?"

"Floo him to my mother's home." Lupin said, taking out a quill and some parchment. "Here's her address. She can't come to the funeral because of her ailing health. She can watch the kid for a few minutes while you go. Let's hope you won't have to worry about that."

At that moment, there was crash. Harry had tried to grab a bowl of berries, but failed, knocking the bowl to the floor. "Uh-oh." He turned to his mother, who was running to him. "I sorry."

"It's alright, Harry. We'll clean it up." She pulled out her wand and cleaned up the mess. "Sorry to make you put up with Harry, Severus. It won't be that long."

"I'll bring some of Harry's toys from my place here before we go. Sirius and I will escort Lily to the funeral. I hope you don't mind, Lily, but I don't trust Death Eaters to be on the lookout for you and Harry. All of the Order of the Phoenix will be there, so the funeral itself should be safe." He turned to Severus. "Except Severus, but I understand. They weren't exactly friends."

"That's putting it mildly, Lupin." Severus sneered.

"Well, I best get going. I will be back around 5:30 tonight." They said their good-byes and Remus left the house. It was quiet for a minute.

"I'll be in the next room making potions if anyone needs me." Severus got up and strolled into a room off the kitchen.

"I need to change Harry and then I think I will take him out in the backyard to play. I could use the fresh air. I also need to get some robes for tonight." She left and went upstairs. 

Sirius was left in the kitchen by himself. He decided he'd read the rolled up newspaper.

0o0o0o

"Lupin." Severus said as he opened the door.

"Evening, Severus. How was your day?"

"Fine. They are in the living room." Lupin came inside and followed Severus into the living room where Lily and Sirius were sitting on the couch.

"You look lovely, Lily."

"McGonagall sent some clothing this afternoon. She didn't want me going to Diagon Alley."

"And I don't blame her. It's not safe for either of you to be out right now."

"I know, Remus. I know." She sighed. "Well, let's get this over with." Lily gave Harry a big hug and several kisses. "Bye, sweetie. I love you. You behave for Severus, okay?"

"Okay." He said, though Lily knew he probably didn't have any idea what she meant. She got up quickly and headed out the door before she could rethink her decision to leave him. Remus and Sirius followed her out.

"Don't make it easy for him, Harry." Sirius whispered. "Make him run for the hills."

"I heard that, Black. I can handle a baby for crying out loud." Sirius just sneered. They left, closing the door behind them. Severus turned to Harry.

"Mama." His lower lip started to quiver.

"Don't even start." Harry quieted. Severus grabbed the bag of toys Remus had left and turned to go to the kitchen. "Come along, Pot-Harry." To Severus's surprise, the boy followed him. He would keep the boy entertained with the toys while he worked on some potions.

Severus stopped in the kitchen. Harry bumped into him and fell backward. He got back to his feet. Severus pointed to the bag. "Here. You can play with some toys." Harry just looked at him. Severus rolled his eyes. He looked through the bag. "You want the ball?" Harry didn't move. "A book?" Harry stuck out his lip and tears pooled his eyes. "Come on, kid. I need you to play." Harry whimpered and started to cry. Severus wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't used to crying toddlers.

Before he could think of a way to calm Harry down, Harry vomited all over himself and the floor.

"Just great." Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He took out his wand and cleaned up the puke. At least Harry hadn't had any dinner yet.

Harry continued to whimper. Severus sighed. A sick child wasn't part of the deal. His plans for a quiet evening were now thrown out the window. It was going to be a long few hours.


	5. To Catch A Rat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus has a meeting and gets his revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are still slow on the uploads. My work has surprisingly NOT gone into quarantine with everyone else. I've had four children all week (out of 20). But I imagine will be soon. On the plus side, traffic has been almost nil. Continue to stay safe and well all and definitely wash your hands well and often.

Severus decided to see if Lily gave any directions for a stomach soother for babies. As he read over the directions, he heard Harry retch again. He shut his eyes and rubbed his temple. Why did the child have to be throwing up? Couldn't he just have a simple fever if he was going to come down with something? And why did the urchin wait until Lily was gone before deciding to vomit? Perhaps there was more James Potter in him than he thought.

He cleaned up the mess once more and took a dropper with some soother potion and forced it down Harry's throat. Harry coughed and made a face, but at least it was staying inside him to Severus's relief. He decided to use the disinfectant spell to clean the floor. He may have used his wand to mop the mess up, but it didn't make the floor sanitized. Severus figured he should give the kid a bath too, since he did throw up himself. He picked Harry up. Harry didn't fuss.

He went upstairs and stuck Harry in the tub. Harry continued to whimper off and on. A few times he cried for his mum. Severus wished Lily had stayed. She'd know better than he did how to take care of a sick baby. He never had any siblings and was never around young children. He normally avoided them like the plague.

After Harry was clean and in new clothes, Severus brought him back downstairs. He sat Harry on a towel on the floor. Harry started to cry again. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please do not barf again." He thought. "I just cleaned you for crying out loud."

Harry did not throw up; instead he reached his arms up to Severus, wanting to be picked up to Severus's shock. "Oh, no. He was not playing this game. He was not letting this kid get attached to him. Not Potter's kid. No way."

Severus tried to pretend to ignore Harry, figuring the kid would get the idea that Severus was not going to allow this.

As Severus started over to the couch, he felt a tug on his cloak. He looked down at Harry and Harry pressed his face up against Severus's robes and peered up at him with Lily's green eyes. He was still crying. Harry reached his hands up once more, indicating that he wanted to be picked up. Severus glared down at the child, who did not cower, but instead buried his face into the cloak.

The child wasn't getting the message that Severus did not want to deal with this. Harry would not stop crying and the incessant whining was driving Severus crazy. Why was he doing this? Why did he agree to watch the brat? Severus ran his hand over his face. He thought of James and inwardly cursed to himself. "You owe me, Potter. I'm going to make sure when I die that you remember what I did for your brat." He said out loud, eyeing the ceiling. "And I will see you in the afterlife because you and I both have a one-way ticket to hell."

After his rant to an invisible James, Severus looked down at Harry. "Okay, just stop crying already." He picked Harry up. Instantly, Harry stopped crying. Severus grumbled to himself. Now the brat stopped? This kid was going to drive him insane. Harry just looked at him with tear stained cheeks. He tried to set Harry back on the floor, but the result was more fussing and tears. As soon as Severus picked him back up again, he stopped crying to Severus's frustration.

"You are a pain of kid, you know that?" Harry just sniffed, snot running out of his nose to Severus's disgust.

Severus gave up and sat down on the couch with Harry. He put Harry beside him, hoping the child would be fine, but Harry just started to cry again. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "What do you want from me?" Harry crawled onto his lap. Severus seethed at his misfortune of being stuck with a toddler and a sick one at that. Why on earth was the child growing attached to him? He did not want that at all.

Harry didn't seem to notice Severus's displeasure at being stuck with him. He put his thumb in his mouth and laid his head against Severus's chest. Instantly, Severus wanted to put the child down. He stopped just short of doing so remembering that the child would only start to cry again. He cursed to himself before thinking about Lily. He'd promised to take care of the kid. Lily would not be happy if he ignored her ill baby.

Harry's eyes were closed, and he was clearly asleep. Good, though Severus. Now he could get some peace and quiet. Severus started to lay Harry on the couch, but Harry opened his eyes and started to whimper, clinging to Severus's robes. Severus rolled his eyes. Harry laid his head back down and shut his eyes once more with Severus grumbling to himself about his luck or lack thereof. He was not going to get anything done tonight because of this kid.

Severus looked at the time. It was 7:30. The funeral would end by eight, so Lily would be home soon to take Harry off his hands. Severus shut his eyes to rest for a minute. The next thing he heard were footsteps coming up the walk.

He opened his eyes and looked at the clock. It was 8:15? He hadn't intended on falling asleep. He looked down and Harry was sound asleep. The door opened and Sirius and Lily walked inside. Their eyes were red-rimmed, and Severus could tell they had both been crying.

"What did you do to Harry? He looks terrible. Did you curse the poor kid?" Severus scowled.

"Oh, Severus, I do appreciate you watching him. I hope he wasn't too much trouble." Lily said, clearly ignoring Black's statement.

"Not too much, minus the vomiting and incessant crying." She gasped.

"He's sick. Oh, I knew I shouldn't have left him, I-"

"He threw up a couple times, but he's fine. Nothing I can't handle." He looked at Black as he said this.

"I will stay on the couch tonight, Severus. I know you don't want an ill child in your bed."

"No, take the bed. You both could use the rest." Lily smiled and went over to the couch and swept Harry's messy hair out of his face.

"He does look a little ill." Harry's eyes fluttered open. "Maybe I should give him a bath."

"I already gave him one."

"Did you give him some stomach soother?"

"Yes."

"In the dropper because he can't take-"

"Yes, Lily. I gave him the exact amount you wrote. He's probably due more soon if he's sick again."

"When did you give it to him?"

"About 5:45."

"Well, thank you." She gave him a sly smile. "Harry seems comfortable with you."

"Oh, please, Lily." Sirius said. Harry started to whimper, and Sirius took Harry off Severus. Harry's whimper turned into a cry. Sirius held him close. "It's okay, Harry." Harry's cries seemed almost pained. Lily grew nervous.

"Sirius, maybe I should-" Before Lily could finish her sentence, Harry exploded. Vomit splattered all over Sirius's shirt. Lily quickly took Harry from Sirius. "Sirius, I am so sorry."

"Oh, come on now, Lily. It's not your fault. He's only a baby."

"Well, I for one am glad it was you he barfed on and not me." Severus got up off the couch. "First, he throws cereal at you and now he throws up all over you. I'm thinking Harry doesn't like you much.” Severus leaned in closer to Sirius and whispered, “I guess he takes that after his mother.” Sirius looked daggers at Severus to Severus's delight.

"He became ill while you watched him, didn't he? Was it from looking at you? Swallowing too much grease, perhaps?" Severus knew he'd touched a nerve.

"Good comeback, Black. Harry didn't vomit on me. In fact, I couldn't get the kid to stay away. He seems to have taken a liking to me." Severus sneered as Black clenched his fists. The brat was good bait.

"Oh, please, Snivellus. You are-"

"Guys, please, don't start." Lily interrupted.

Severus glared at Black for a moment. "I think I will make up a bed in one of the extra rooms upstairs tonight. You can take the couch or sleep in the old doghouse out back. If you chose the couch, change shirts first."

"Not such a good host after all, huh, Snivellus?"

"Yes, well, I actually like Lily. I am only tolerating you because Dumbledore asked me too. Night, Black." He headed out of the room before turning back. "Lily." Severus smirked. "And Harry." Black looked at him angrily. Severus gloated on Black's unhappiness as he got ready for bed, but his happiness was short lived as his left arm began to burn.

0o0o0

Severus bolted out of bed, clutching his arm. "Dammit!" He cursed out loud. "Why now?" He headed down the stairs.

"What's the rush, Snivellus, didn't bother to tell Lily you don't own any shampoo?" Severus ignored Black and summoned his robes and mask. He had no time for bickering.

"You are a Death Eater!" Black exclaimed, eyeing the robes. "I told Dumbledore, I-"

"Dumbledore discussed this already. I don't have time for explanations." Severus opened the door and a rush of cold air came into the warm house. "Keep the fleas off my couch." He closed the door behind him.

Black was hurling an insult, but Severus did not hear it, only a raised voice. He left the yard and apparated away.

Severus arrived at the Malfoy Manor. "Nice of you to show, Snape."

"Evening, Bellatrix. I see you haven't been thrown in Azbakan yet?"

"Of course not. Why would I go there?"

"Um, for torturing the Longbottoms into insanity, perhaps?"

"You care about those traitors, Snape?" Rodolphus asked with a sneer.

"Not one bit, but now they will have to be cared for in Mungo's until their death. And you didn't find out any other information, so it was a waste of time, wasn't it?"

Bellatrix laughed. "Ha! They were worthless beings. You should have seen them, as they withered and screamed in agony." The delight about the torture in her eyes made Severus feel slightly sick to his stomach and he tuned her out. Maybe he was just catching whatever stomach bug the Potter brat had, but he knew better. He figured it would have been better to have just killed the Longbottoms and much more humane. A life spent living in St. Mungo's, not knowing which end was up or who you were wouldn't be a life at all. He swallowed his nausea and turned back to the Lestranges. "-hiding their squib spawn."

"Well, my friends, I am unhappy." Voldemort spoke. Severus cringed on the inside. He waited for the moment. It only took a minute. "Crucio!" Severus felt pain in every inch of his body and that was one reason the thought of the Longbottoms sickened him a little. The curse was horrible done once, let alone near hundred times in a row. He got up as Voldemort spoke with Gregory Goyle. Severus knew he'd hear it about Potter. Severus put up his occulmency shields, ready to lie. This was the hardest part of being a spy. Voldemort would kill him on the spot if he ever found out a Death Eater was betraying him. Severus knew he was convincing, and he could fool the beast, but it never made it easier.

"Severus?" Severus stepped forward. "Pettigrew here helped me break the wards to get to Potter." Voldemort pointed to his right at a squat of a man. Peter removed his mask. Severus seethed inside. He had to have self-control and it took every bit of strength in him to keep his shields up and not leap across the table and strangle Pettigrew to death.

"Snape? How are you?" Severus clenched his fists, digging his fingers into his palms so hard, he knew he was drawing blood. He understood now why Black wanted to kill Pettigrew. He felt the same. Probably the only thing the two of them had in common. "Pal?"

"Pal, Pettigrew? You and I have never been pals and you and I will never be pals." The only relationship we'll have is that of murderer and victim but calling you a victim is far too kind. I'd surely get an acquittal and a thanks for ridding the world of your sorry ass. Severus thought to himself. Peter recoiled a little at Snape's murderous gaze.

"Pettigrew? You have proven yourself semi-worthy. I managed to rid the world of James Potter and break into the house."

"Yes, my Lord. Thank you. Anything for you, my Lord." Pettigrew bowed several times. His devotion to Voldemort was like his former devotion to Potter. Severus thought he might vomit.

"But I failed to kill the boy. He and that mudblood disappeared. Any news of their whereabouts, Severus?" Severus heard snickers around him, but he expected this.

"No, sir, other than the fact that Dumbledore sent them into hiding. He will not tell anyone where they are hidden. After all, an old friend they trusted betrayed them. He's not flippant this time with news, no thanks to the rat." Severus gave Pettigrew a cold stare of pure hatred and disgust. Peter recoiled.

"Very well. I thought you may have heard something. After all, you did ask me to spare the woman, didn't you? Why, Severus, you never told me? Does my spy have a crush on a mudblood?" Severus ignored the jeers and wolf whistles among the other Death Eaters.

"We were childhood friends, sir. She may be a muggleborn, but a friend is a friend. I don't want to see her dead. There has never been anything more than friendship between us, ever." He was careful not to speak the word `mudblood' and he hoped no one noticed. They didn't appear to be aware of his deliberate slip. Voldemort didn't question him anymore either. He accepted the lie. He liked Lily as more than a friend, but he could never admit this.

"You still disappoint me, Severus." His gaze met Severus's and he pointed his wand. "Crucio." Severus’s whole body gripped in pain once more. His insides burned with intensity. He should be used to this, but he never was. The pain was horrific. He always felt like he was either dying or wanted to. He always managed to fake it and seem as if he hardly felt a thing, but he felt it all, painfully.

Once more he stood up, his body revolting against him as he did so. He took it, wishing someone would give Voldemort the Crucio. If he could dish it, he could also take it. Besides, he longed to see the man getting a taste of his own medicine. Imagining the Dark Lord screaming like a girl was a pleasant thought. Seeing it happen would make his day.

"I will not stop until I find the boy. Any word, Severus and I want to know."

"Of course, my Lord." Severus said with a slight bow. Anything, your evil hind-end. Your royal pain in the ass. Severus thought to himself. But you will never hear a word. You won't touch Lily. Over my dead body. Severus knew that his thought could very easily be a reality, but if he had to die to keep Lily safe than that was what he would do. He wasn't afraid of dying and he wasn't going to let any harm come to her again.

"Any word, you know where to find me. I will take the Potter boy down if it is the last thing I do!" Severus was clearly the only one who saw the irony in that statement. Voldemort disappeared and the others began to dissolve. Severus caught sight of Pettigrew and clutched his robe as Peter apparated away. They landed at a guest home outside of Rosier's manor.

Peter, clueless as ever, had no idea that Severus had a hold of his robes. He had no idea that Severus was watching him. He was oblivious to the fact that luck was on side, thanks to Dumbledore. If Dumbledore hadn't ordered Pettigrew alive, Severus would throttle him right now. Before he could get caught, he apparated home. He entered the house, his legs buckling in the doorway, causing him to collapse to the floor.

He stiffly got up, hearing footsteps coming toward him. "Severus, are you alright? God, you look awful. What happened?" It was Lily.

"Sell us out yet, Snivellus?"

"Never." Severus said.

"What happened to you?" Lily asked, clearly ignoring Black. 

"Curse. Potion. In Lab. Third shelf, second from left. My potion. It helps." He sucked in air at the pain. Lily hurried out of the room and came back with a bottle.

"This?" He nodded. She opened it and he took it, chugging it down. "He cursed you?" She suddenly gasped. "The Cruciatus. He did that to you, didn't he?" Severus nodded, hugging the stairwell.

"Dumbledore. I need to speak to him." He took a breath. "Found him."

"Who?"

"Pettigrew. I know where he is." At that, Sirius ran to Severus.

"Where? Where is he? I swear I'm gonna-"

"No, you can't. You know this. Control yourself, Sirius." Lily said and dashed to the fireplace, found the floo powder and stuck her head inside the fire.

Lily arrived at Dumbledore's office.

"Lily, what's the trouble?"

"Severus. He had a meeting. He found Pettigrew." Dumbledore jumped up and followed Lily back into Severus's living room.

Severus had made his way to his chair and collapsed into it, still shaking from the curse.

"Severus, my boy, how did it go?" Severus really didn't like it when Dumbledore referred to him as "boy." He wasn't a child.

"He was angry. He was happy to be rid of Potter, but he's still after the boy. He's desperate to do away with Harry for good."

"Power the Dark Lord knows not. He's afraid." Dumbledore said. Severus gave a curt nod. "And what did you tell him?"

"That you have Lily and the boy hidden and no one knows where."

"And you saw Pettigrew?" Severus cringed and Lily could see his eyes flaming with rage at the name.

"Yes. I followed him. He's at Rosier's place. He was heading to the guest house." Severus gave a chuckle. "He called me his pal. The nerve of the rat. He was lucky you had ordered him alive. It took all self-control I had not to strangle him right there."

"Well, this is good news. I will inform the aurors at once and send them that way." Dumbledore turned to leave. "And get some rest. I'm sure you will hear of Peter's capture in the morning." Dumbledore disappeared back into the fireplace.

Lily began to head up the stairs and Severus got up to follow. As Sirius lay back down on the couch, there was a rapping at the window. Severus walked over to it and opened it, the biting air rushing in. The barn owl dropped a note to Sirius and flew back out. Sirius sat up and opened it.

"What is it? Is something wrong, Sirius?" Lily asked from the stairs.

"Nothing really. It says mum passed away. I apparently get the house and to my dismay, Kreacher."

"Sirius, I'm sorry. You've lost your father, brother, best friend and mother all in one year. That's a lot to take in."

"I'm not sorry, Lily. I didn't even like the woman."

"Does anyone?" Severus mumbled, recalling the woman to be rather uptight, snobby and bitter about the world. Sirius and Lily did not hear this comment.

"Still, she's your mother.”

"She apparently hadn't been the same since Regulus. She never moved past the loss of her precious, honourable son. I do recall her saying it should have been me instead." Sirius read over the parchment some more. "Well, I guess once they get the rat, I will move into the house and get the place cleaned up a bit. I don't plan on staying in the wretched place though. I hated it as a kid, and I won't like the place now."

"Okay. If you want, we can help you." Severus eyed Lily as if she'd lost her mind. Him, help Black? She was forgetting the two repulsed each other.

"Sure, Lily. I could probably use the help." Severus left the room and headed up the stairs before he could be sucked into helping the mutt. Besides, he needed a good night's rest and it was late. He'd deal with them in the morning.

The following morning, Dumbledore arrived early and informed them of Peter's capture and imprisonment. Sirius mumbled that he still wished he could have killed the rat. Severus had no argument there. At least Pettigrew was getting what he deserved. Personally, Severus hoped the rat would get the kiss for selling Lily out. 

During breakfast, Lily kept trying to talk Severus into helping.

"I think I've done more than enough for him already."

"He'd help you, wouldn't he?"

"No." Sirius and Severus said at the same time. Lily laughed as she tried to feed Harry. Harry put his hands to his mouth and fussed.

"Well, I think we should help." Lily sighed at Harry. "Maybe he's still not well. I'll try again later."

"You can help." Severus said.

"You can help too."

"I can help, yes, but I don't want to help. There's a difference." She gave him a cold look.

"Severus?" He didn't look at her and continued to eat. He knew she was gazing at him. After a few minutes, he finally sighed.

"N-O, no way. I draw a line at this. You all have fun. I’ll tidy up my place instead.” Severus took a sip of his coffee. “I’ve done more than enough by hosting him in my home and letting him touch my stuff. The last thing I will offer him now is a cup of coffee to deal with that hangover he’s nursing. Which, by the way, Black, you owe me for the fire whiskeys and other alcohol you stole from the liquor cabinet.” Severus sneered at Black who had his hands over his eyes and forehead at the table. He pushed a cup of coffee at Black. 

“I’m not drinking that” he grumbled. 

“I didn’t poison it or put laxatives in it like you tried to do to me. Still can’t believe you all thought I would be stupid enough to drink that butterbeer.” 

Sirius looked up at him from his fingers with his eyes slightly wide. “You didn't drink it so how do you know?” 

“I just know. By the way, didn't Peter suddenly get the runs later that day?" 

Sirius quickly removed his hands from his face, "Why you little-"

"Little what, Black? Upset I turned your prank onto your old friend?" 

"And you wonder why I don't trust you?" Sirius spat out. "I'm not touching your coffee."

"I think it's you I shouldn't trust. But fine, don’t take it. But do remove your elbows from my table. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” 

Sirius glared daggers at him with a satisfying “Fuck you.” 

“Watch your language, Sirius.” Lily snapped as she picked up the sippy cup Harry had dropped while Harry pointed to it saying "uh-oh". 

“I’ll pass on that offer.” Severus smirked as he took another sip of coffee.


	6. Scearpfatas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily discovers a note that leads to an interesting find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe and healthy everyone. We've finally got a stay-at-home order here. Nearly 800 cases and 3 deaths later, they finally do something about it. My work is claiming they are essential so I won't be staying home. Any readers who are still working during this time, I feel you. Anyone able to stay home and get paid, be glad. Anyone who's lost a job over this, I feel for you. My only consolation is that I still have a job and am getting paid. Take care all.

**Chapter 6: Scearpfatas**

_Sirius,  
I hope this note finds you well. I wanted to give an apology first and foremost. You were right about the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. I wish I could have gotten out, but once you become a Death Eater, you only escape via death. As I pen this note, I know I will only be around one more day. It saddens me that we never knew each other better. I have discovered a secret regarding the Dark Lord. I am trying to make him mortal so that he can be destroyed. I have stolen his locket. You must find a way to destroy it. Please, do this one thing for me, for everyone, for our world. The Dark Lord won't be destroyed unless it is gone.  
Your brother always,  
Regulus  
P.S. You can find it in the Drawing Room._

Lily's eyes grew wide. No one really knew what happened to Regulus, other than what was told from Kreacher, the Black's house-elf. Kreacher only said that Regulus was gone for good. 

It was now clear to her that Regulus had orchestrated his death to get out of the Death Eaters and taken something valuable from the Dark Lord to help destroy him. This was rather intriguing. Why would Voldemort need a locket and how would it make him immortal? She forgot about the pointless dusting and headed back downstairs, stuffing the note away with her wand.

"Where's your drawing room, Sirius?" She called out.

"What?"

"Where is it? There's something in there we have to find." Lily entered the kitchen with Harry toddling behind.

Lily handed him the parchment and he read over it. Sirius didn't answer after reading it but turned and walked down the hall and up the stairs. Lily scooped Harry up and followed Sirius upstairs. He unlocked a room and they all went inside.

"This is the drawing room." They spent the next half hour searching the room. Harry found various items in the room to entertain himself. 

Lily finally saw a gold chain holding an expensive looking locket. "I think I found it." Sirius reached for it and upon grabbing it, noticed something strange. A surge of anger washed over him. It was if the locket was alive. He threw it out of the door in a panic.

"What did you do that for?" Lily asked.

"Don't touch it!" He called angrily as she went for it. "Something's wrong with it."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, then her eyes widened. "Dark magic?" He nodded.

"I felt it. I don't know what it is, but it was apparently You-Know-Who's. My brother wanted it destroyed. That's why. It's a dangerous object. Let's just destroy the damn thing." Sirius grabbed the locket by its chain. 

“Okay, let’s destroy it then.” 

"Fine. I'll get a mallet."

"Why not use your wand?"

"I want to use a mallet." Lily shrugged and took Harry's hand and left the room. She followed Black down the stairs and out into the backyard. She and Harry watched as Black retrieved a mallet and attempted to break the locket. The huge instrument did not even scratch it. Finally, Black gave up and tried to use his wand. All the locket did was move across the yard a few feet with each spell.

"I don't think any spell will work. It's dark magic and protected by such. I think something needs to penetrate it."

"Like what?"

"No idea."

"A lot of help you are." 

Lily scoffed “Fine, be that way.” She and Harry went back inside. Black picked the locket up by its chain once more and followed them. As they entered the hallway Black stopped.

"Scearpfatas!" Black suddenly shouted.

"The what?" Lily asked.

"Mean little creatures. Little fate type things that shoot sharp needles when provoked. There's one in the other room. Mum wanted one to keep unwanted guests away."

"I think I saw it in the living room, but wasn't sure what it was."

"Scoop it up in a quilt. It calms when it can't see." Lily nodded and disappeared into the living room. Harry let out an exited squeal when he saw one of the fates in the room. She pushed Harry back behind her and away from the room. 

His scream had caused the portrait of Black's mother to wake up and she began to screech, "Who is in my house?" She turned to them. "Traitors and Mudbloods in my house! Filth in my home!" Sirius grumbled.

"Shut it, woman! This house belongs to me now and I'll let in whoever I please!" She kept screeching. Harry screamed and began to cry, terrified. 

Lily managed to grab one of them with a quilt. Sirius took the quilt, opened it and blinded the scearpfata before tossing it in the kitchen. He then threw the quilt over Walburga. The portrait quieted.

“I think we should take it to Severus. He’d likely know more about this magic. Put the scearpfata in a cage and we’ll take it back.”

“What? Think I can’t do it myself.” 

“Severus was a Death Eater. He’d likely know more about this magic and what to do about it.” 

Sirius scoffed, “Yet you trust him.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, “Yes. Was a Death Eater, Sirius. Not anymore. We should just ask him before we try to remove the needles.” 

Sirius grumbled to himself and they returned to Severus’s home. Harry was still upset when they entered the home. 

“That was faster than I thought.” Severus got up from the couch. 

Lily handed Severus the note. He glanced over it and his eyes grew wide. She handed him the locket by the chain before he could respond. “We found it. Sirius has a scearpfata, we caught it. Think it would be of any use to destroy it? Sirius tried his wand and a mallet-”

Severus raised his forehead at that. “A mallet, Black? You’re a wizard.” 

“Worth a shot.” Sirius shrugged. 

“There’s a couple books in the spare room about these things. The creature and about this sort of dark magic. I’ll have to get them.”

“I’ll get it.” Lily quipped. 

“Okay. If you want. It’s on the third shelf to the right. Venoms and Poisons for Potions and Darkest Magic.”

Harry was still whimpering as Lily set him down and headed upstairs. Sirius took the creature’s cage out. Upon seeing the scearpfata, he began to cry again. 

Sirius reached for Harry, but Harry pulled away from Sirius's arms and to Severus's misfortune, the boy turned to him and buried his face into his leg, clutching it with all his might. Severus swore under his breath. Sirius looked daggers at Severus who glared right back. He was not going to be challenged.

"What did you do to Harry?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, Black."

"You know what I mean." Severus's lip curled. He decided he could use Harry's growing attachment to him as a bit of revenge.

"Oh, Harry. Seems he's taken a liking to me, hasn't he?" Severus reached down and patted Harry's messy hair. The boy's crying eased.

"Harry does not like you. He’s just scared of the scearpfata."

"Keep telling yourself that, Black. I do wonder what Potter would think about this situation. His son growing attached to Snivellus." Severus spoke his awful branded nickname with disdain.

"Potter's son would never like greasy gits."

"But Lily's son might." Lily said and they both turned to her as she returned with the books. “And stop calling him that. We’re not children anymore.” 

"Mama." She scooped him up off Severus's leg. 

The three of them sat at the kitchen table and Severus and Lily scanned the books while Sirius played with Harry. Severus finally closed the book he was perusing. “It sounds like what Regulus found was a horcrux.” 

“A what?” Lily and Sirius glanced between each other. 

“It’s a very dark magic. I don’t know much about it. It involves splitting your soul into an object so if you die, you have a way to return.” 

“How does one split their soul?” Lily asked and then shook her head. “Never mind, I think I know.” She cringed internally. 

“How?” Sirius asked. 

“Murder, Black.” Severus sneered. "Considering the amount of times he's murdered people, how knows if this is the only object with a part of his soul." 

"Well, if we think it may work, then Snivellus can do the honours of retrieving the needles from the scearpfata." 

Severus frowned, but did not answer for a moment. “Fine. If you are too chicken.” He poked at the creature with his wand and put up a shield. The scearpfata shot needles from its back in fright. Severus countered his shield and grabbed a needle.

"Here."

"Why are you giving it me?"

"Aren't you going to destroy the thing?"

"No way. You probe in the dark stuff you get rid of it."

"Fine." Severus grabbed the locket, not flinching as it ticked. He set it on the table and looked back at Black with a smirk. "I'll do it since you are too frightened."

"Whimp, am I? What about you? All those times you could never fight back. You could never have been in Gryffindor. You have no bravery at all. You are a coward." 

Severus sucked in air. He had things to do right now. He took the thick needle and aimed it straight down into the locket. Before he could even pierce it, the locket burst open and a swirl of something like smoke appeared. It was then he saw several bits of his past flash before him. He saw his mistakes, his errors in judgment, his losses and all of it seeming to tease me. He couldn't take it and stabbed the locket with all his might and the smoke died with the locket.

Severus was breathing heavy and turned to Black, moving toward him at a fast pace. "I am NOT a whimp!" He had his wand under Black's throat so fast, that Black had no time to react. "You idiots always thinking you are so cool, four to one, huh? Where was the bravery in that? If you wanted to show true bravery, you would have fought me yourself, one-on-one! Griffins aren't so brave after all, not really! You are nothing but arrogant, egotistical troublemakers! Teacher's pets who never got blamed for anything! I have done more brave things in the past month than you have ever done in your lifetime, so DO NOT EVER CALL ME COWARD!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. 

Severus put his wand down and shoved Black to the side as he walked down the hallway. He thrust the door open and turned to Black. "Levicorpus!" He shouted to himself. Black found himself hanging upside down, his robes falling and revealing his undergarments. "Sweet revenge!" He let Black down and Sirius hit the ground with a painful thud. Severus rounded on Black again. “Get out of my house!” 

Black had his wand on Severus now. 

“I said GET OUT!” 

Black backed away and turned to Lily, “Fine. Gladly. Lily, you are always welcome at my home. Especially, to get away from this piece of shit human.” 

“I said OUT!” 

Black slammed the front door and apparated home.

Severus sat down at the kitchen table and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He was not a coward. He knew he should feel bad about lashing out, but he didn't. He felt happy instead. Black got what he had coming to him. Lily waited a moment before finally responding. 

"What was that all about? Why would you do that?" He could tell she was angry, but he didn't care. 

"He deserved every bit of it. It was well past time someone told him like it is instead of singing him praises every time he moves." Severus's voice dripped with malice. "Karma's a bitch."

"He didn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I didn't deserve to be treated like that! He and Potter would attack for no damn reason! At least I never attacked unprovoked unlike those bastards!" 

Lily sucked in air in frustration. She couldn't believe he was being so petty or that he still held that grudge. "They are good people, Severus." He scoffed in disgust. "James is in a better place now and Sirius is grieving his loss and it wouldn't hurt to be kinder to him."

"Oh, give me a break, Lily. There is no way that James is in a better place. He is rotting in hell after all he did to others. He was a rotten, useless bully. When I die, it's probably where I'll go to and you can bet, I will get my payback then." 

Lily was rather livid. "James was too good to go to any type of hell."

"He was anything but good. He was cruel and while his evil wasn't the same as many of the Death Eaters, he lacked the same compassion for others. He was just like them, even if you won't admit it to yourself. He didn't care who he hurt as long as he was entertaining himself. It's no different than many Death Eaters. It didn't bother him to stuff other's heads in toilets, humiliate them for fun in front of everyone, make them choke on soap suds until they vomited, smash them into ground over and over again, breaking bones, after they render the other wandless so they can't defend themselves. Oh, yes, Black and Potter were just angels, weren't they?" He took a breath, noticing he was clutching his glass too tight and eased up. "I never understood how you thought that made them better. They may not have done much dangerous dark arts, but they certainly knew some. It didn't make them better because they didn't physically torture anyone. They created emotional and mental wounds, which dig much deeper and take the longest to heal and sometimes they ever do. Some run so deep that it is like a cruciatus and never heals, rendering the other nearly insane. That to me is much worse, Lily. Much worse." 

She didn't answer at first. "You still hate James." She finally spoke, not knowing what else to say.

"I'll always hate Potter and Black."

"James is gone and it is no use staying angry." Lily was not willing to buy the notion that James was anything like the Death Eaters. He wasn't dark like them and she was not going to hear this.

"You want me feel sorry that he's dead? I can't do that, Lily. I don't feel bad. I'm sorry that he was killed by the Dark Lord, but I'm just not that sorry he's gone. Forgive me, but you can hardly expect me to shed a tear for the man who made my life a living hell, can you? I am actually a bit glad he can't be an ass to anyone else."

"He changed."

"So, his supposed change is meant to make me feel bad. Let me ask you something, Lily. Would James have cared if I died? Would he have shed a tear? Oh, please. He would be nothing short of happy to hear that I was killed by the Dark Lord."

"You have to forgive, Severus." Lily was thinking about what he was saying but couldn't bring herself to think of James negatively.

"Well, I can, but I will never forget what he did to me. The way he and his friends constantly tried to humiliate me and torment for no other reason than how did they word it, oh yeah, because I existed." He turned to her. 

She was tight lipped. "What they did was wrong, but James stopped being that way. He grew up and regretted what he did."

"Did he now? Well, I never got an apology. If he was truly sorry he would have given me a sincere one along with the others he bullied. He did not do so. Of course, since I became a Death Eater, I guess I may have been unworthy of an apology. It doesn't matter that they drove me there. I'm sure that was their goal anyway."

"You chose to become a Death Eater. James had no part in that." Lily said, defending her husband. She wasn't going to let him berate the man she married just because he wasn't alive to defend himself.

"Of course, he did. Why do you think I wanted that power, that authority, that protection or what I thought would give me those things, huh? Just because? No, because I wanted to show Potter up and have more power and influence than he did. All my life I'd been bullied and I wanted it to end. I felt the Death Eaters would finally be my ticket to stop it all, but I was wrong, clearly. It was an error made in my ignorant youth." He said all this before he could stop himself and was a bit surprised afterward that he had admitted it to her. She didn't know what to say. "Just because Black and Potter didn't side with You-Know-Who doesn't make them good people. You'll be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise." 

Lily huffed. "James was a good person. He was kind and loving." 

Severus scoffed. "To you girls to impress you only. To me he'll always be an arrogant toerag."

"He was nicer to me than you were." Lily realized this was the wrong thing to say the moment it came out of her mouth.

"Was he now?" Severus cracked his knuckles and neck, letting out a bitter hiss. "I thought he just wanted to get into your knickers. Potter always fancied you and he couldn't have you, to begin with." He said these words with a bitter taste in his mouth. "Knock me out of the picture and he figured you would come crawling to him. Imagine that, it worked. What Potter wants; Potter gets. I didn't chase after you, begging for your affection. I never harmed you."

"James never harmed me." 

"No, he harmed me instead to impress you." He sucked in air. "And it worked."

"You were the one who called me a mudblood. I was only trying to help."

"So, you really haven't forgiven me for that?"

"I have, but I haven't forgotten."

"I made a mistake. Yes, it slipped out because I was angry that I couldn't fight them back, because they were humiliating me in front of the entire school again, because of the pressure of the OWLS, because of the pressure my housemates were giving me on a daily basis because I was friends with you and because I had not chosen their way, because others were mocking me with the stupid marauders and that I had to have a girl fight my battles, because Potter was doing all this because he and the mutt were bored and because Potter was doing this to impress you for some god forsaken reason, because nobody cared about me, because every teacher in the school loved Potter and everyone but me still thinks he was God's gift to the planet." Lily hadn't said a word, only listened in shock. His chest was heaving in and out in what Lily could see was a mix of anger and frustration.

"Severus-"

"Do you think for one second that anyone would have cared had it been me instead who had just been killed? Do you have any idea what it is like to listen to people do nothing but sing praises to those who created hell on earth for me for seven long years? Do you?" He was so angry, his glass shattered in his hand, cutting it, but he didn't even seem to notice.

"Severus, calm down." He didn't look at her. "It's not James or Sirius's fault you called me a mudblood. It was yours. Accept some responsibility."

"I never said it was their fault!" He snapped. She jumped. "I can't believe you sided with them after all they put me through. You and I were best friends. You knew what they did me, day in and day out. When I was home, I was bullied, when I was in primary I was bullied, when I got to Hogwarts I was still bullied, a pawn for another's amusement my entire life! I am still just a pawn to get what someone else wants. I'm a pawn for the Dark Lord to get what he wants and I'm pawn for Dumbledore to get what he wants. Nothing more than a useless pawn and pawns are always the first to be sacrificed." He hardly knew what he was saying yet meant every word. All the emotions that had built up in him were pouring out. "We all say things we regret when we are angry. It doesn't mean the other meant it at all. I never meant it and I can't believe you never understood that. I can't take back what I said to you, I said it. Done deal, but you never would forgive me."

"But back then, you called everyone of my birth that. You were going to the Death Eaters."

"I had never decided that and I was not one then."

"But you would have been."

"I don't know that and neither did you. You assumed."

"You became one."

"Later on, after school ended. Who else did I have to turn to, Lily? I had no one to go to except those in my dorm and I followed with them. No one was giving me a job, no one felt I could succeed, not even the other teachers."

"You still became one and I couldn't be a part of it."

"So that's why you ended our friendship."

"You ended it by saying that word and confirming you were becoming one of them. You couldn't have stayed friends with me."

"I never wanted to stop being friends! I wanted us-" He stopped, realizing he could never reveal any more. "Forget it. This is a useless conversation. You will always side with Potter because for some reason you let Potter manipulate you into love and marriage."

"He didn't manipulate me in anything."

"Oh no, not at all. Never once did he work to try and impress you, to try and be your knight in shining armour. Oh, please." Severus got up and summoned his cloak. "The man you hated for almost six years suddenly becoming your love interest. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave you a love potion. He wanted you so badly. Who many times did he ask you out before seventh year? A hundred? Suddenly, you say yes and fall madly in love with him."

"He didn't give me a love potion."

"I didn't say he did, I'm just saying I could see him doing something like it. Anything to get what he wanted and what he wanted was you. Way to treat you like an object, as if you were his possession he had to obtain. Makes me sick." He headed to the door. 

She was ready to protest, bitter words on her lips. 

"I have to go to work. Do whatever you want just don't let your brat in my lab off the kitchen. It's not the kid's fault he got saddled with a git for a father." Severus shut his door and headed to Diagon Alley to the Apothecary.

He walked down the road and eyed the Dark Art shops and shivered, but not from the cold. Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh on Lily? Maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh on Potter, since they were married (which disgusted him). Of all the people she could have been with, Potter was the worst one. He takes that back. Sirius or Peter would have been worse, but Potter was bad enough. No, he needed to tell her those things. She needed to hear how he really felt about him because they would come up at some point. Better now than a few months later. He started to wonder if she would leave his home, angry with him once again.

As he entered the shop, he suddenly became contrite and wanted to go home and apologize to Lily. He shouldn't have lost his temper with her. The clock struck noon. It was too late to go back home. He'd have to wait until his shift ended. It was going to be a longer day than usual. If Lily was still at his house, he would immediately apologize to her. It wasn't her fault Black had stirred up his old, seething grudge.

Lily was torn between feeling livid at Severus for degrading her late husband and feeling that in many ways, he was right. James had done all those things to him, but he changed. Another thought hit her as she tried to feed Harry some lunch: Maybe she had helped drive him to Voldemort's side? No, he was going down that path already. She couldn't have prevented that.

Her stomach squeezed. She knew how mental and emotional wounds could damage people. She just never thought about it being any worse. Deep down, she had a feeling that James and Sirius and Peter too had probably helped drive him to that path. After all, if they had more kind to him maybe he wouldn't have been forced to try and make friends with creeps like Avery and Mulciber. No one ever was very kind to him, except her. Even Avery and Mulciber weren't good friends to him and often teased him, trying to get Severus to go along with their plans. Even the teachers were oblivious to the troubled kid. She never thought much about it before, but she knew Dumbledore and many of the teachers had favoured the Marauders and taken their side quite often in the duels.

Lily couldn't help but wonder: What if they had sided with Severus more? After all, Severus rarely started the fights. What if they had seen his potential and helped him instead of just seeing the quiet Slytherin? Was it possible that their thoughts of all Slytherins being evil helped drive them that way? She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Yes, a self-fulfilling prophecy, that's what it was. She wondered if anyone else thought about that. After all, if you keep telling someone they are evil and worthless and will never be anybody, never succeeding and making them feel completely powerless, they will become that way or try to prove them wrong. Proving someone wrong can sometimes lead to stupid decisions and disastrous results.

Lily thought about his words and a sob caught in her throat. The Slytherins were often treated poorly by others and while she knew some of them were plain evil, others were not. The more she thought, the angrier she became at her former teachers. They were never nice with them or with Severus. It was their job, to protect the students and help them. They only harmed them by treating them as if they had no ability to be good people. She pondered how many others could have been saved from the pull of the Death Eaters early on if only someone had intervened.

This turned her thoughts back to James. He never did apologize to Severus and would still at times speak ill of him. Maybe he should have apologized for treating him so poorly. She had been angry with Severus too, for choosing the Death Eaters, so never cared when her husband spoke poorly of him. Maybe that was wrong. No, it was wrong. James should have apologized for doing all those things to Severus. Not just to Severus either, but to all the students he had bullied. It was too late to change that now, though.

She would have to make it right somehow. She would start by giving Severus a sincere and honest apology when he got home. It may not have been her burden, but it weighed heavy on her shoulders. He needed an apology from someone and as his former best friend, she would do the honours. He deserved that much.


	7. Never Let The Sun Go Down On Your Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily apologies to Severus for her late husband.

**Chapter 10: Never Let The Sun Go Down On Your Wrath**

Severus walked down Diagon Alley after work, considering what he'd say to Lily. He needed to apologize, but that was never easy for him. He hated admitting he was wrong. He knew his feelings weren't the problem and he wasn't going to apologize for feeling the way he did. His issues with the Marauders were not her issues and it had unfair of him to take it out on her. She didn't know how he really felt about them, and she didn't know how he was really treated in school. She knew he was bullied, but little more.

Lily prepared dinner, letting Harry bang some pots with a wooden spoon. She had spent much of the day thinking about everything Severus had told her. She hadn't known how much pent up frustration and anger he held. She had thought him to be so composed. Not that he didn't try and hex James and Sirius in anger while in school, but in general, he was not an emotional person. Seeing him crack like that was not something she was used to, but she knew he had probably wanted to say that to someone for a long time. She just happened to be the one there.

Truthfully, she was kind of glad he told her all that. She needed to hear it from his point of view, hear how he felt. She didn't want to think too much about James. She was still grieving, but she had to face the facts. He had never treated her former best friend kindly and he had never apologized for those grievances.  
Severus entered the home to banging sounds. He hoped it was Lily, but took out his wand just in case. He entered the kitchen and saw Harry hitting some of his cookware with a wooden spoon. He put his wand down and looked up. Lily turned to him and gave a smile.

"You're home." After she said this, she blushed. She sounded like his wife. "I mean, um, I made some food."

"Oh." He stepped toward the table. "Lily, I have something to say." He cleared his throat. "About earlier, I shouldn't have-"

She threw her hand up to stop him. "Don't. I deserved it."

"No, you didn't, I-"

"I did. Don't you dare apologize." She sighed. "You were right. It was wrong for people to treat you the way they did and still do in many ways. It was wrong of Sirius to call you a coward. You're not a coward. You may be petty, but a coward you are not."

"Well," He started, unsure what to say. She was saying she was wrong, and he was right. This wasn't what he had planned on hearing.

"James shouldn't have treated you that way. Sirius shouldn't have treated you that way. You didn't deserve any of it."

"Lily,"

"Let me speak." She sighed. "I've spent most of the afternoon thinking." He eyed the table, which had about a dozen used tissues on it.

"I made you cry?" He gulped. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. It's mine. I'm just still grieving and get upset easily." Severus felt a jolt in his stomach at a thought.

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" She looked at him in complete shock.

"Absolutely not, why would you think that?" She looked down at her stomach. "I haven't gained weight, have I?"

"No, not at all that I noticed, but when Narcissa was pregnant with Draco-"

"Narcissa? The Black girl? She married that git Malfoy, didn't she?" He nodded. "She had a baby?"

"Yes. He's just a few months older than Harry. They should be at Hogwarts together down the road."

"Unless Harry's a squib." 

Severus feigned a look of shock. "Lily Evan's son a squib? I think not." 

She was ready to retort when she realized he was teasing. She smiled. "Are you flattering me, Severus?" 

He smirked. "Well, I do remember you as a very talented young witch. There's no way you would have a son who wasn't a wizard, even if you married a muggle." After he said the last words, he frowned. 

Lily knew he was thinking about his own parents. "Well, I promise you I am not pregnant. I would know if I was. I knew with Harry very early" She huffed.

"Okay, I'll drop the subject."

"I was upset because I was thinking about everything that happened between us, between you and James and Sirius, and how I didn't see it all before. I should have. I was your friend. I should have done more, even if you didn't want me too. I should have told McGonagall what I saw. I should have told on Sirius for that incident he tried to pull that could have killed you. I was afraid of being a tattletale, but really, I wouldn't have been. I would have been doing the right thing. Instead, I sat back and let you fall. I let you go and fall into the Death Eater trap. I could have saved you from that pull."

"Lily, please don't blame yourself for my stupid decisions."

"But I can, Severus. It is, in some ways, my fault. In so many more ways the fault does lie with James and Sirius for treating you horribly for no reason. I keep thinking that if he was nice to you from the start, if they both were, maybe you wouldn't have felt the need for friends in Avery or Mulciber." 

This wasn't something he had contemplated before. The Marauders as friends was quite a laugh.

She went on. "I keep thinking about Dumbledore and the teachers and how they almost never punished the Marauders. In your duels, it was always your fault because you were a Slytherin. They always assumed it was you who started it. Sirius nearly killed you and he never saw punishment since James apparently atoned for Black's actions by saving you." 

Severus clenched his fists in anger. 

"As if that changes anything. What Sirius did was stupid and beyond dangerous. You could have died. Remus wouldn't have meant to harm you, but he wouldn't have known any better. Sirius should have spent the rest of his years in detentions with Filch if not expelled for that." 

Severus was more than surprised to hear all this from her. She was not defending James or Sirius this time. She was defending him. The sudden twist made his head spin. He was feeling a bit dizzy and sat down. She put Harry in the transfigured high-chair.

"I am so sorry, Severus, for everything they did to you. James cannot try and redeem himself, but I can. I am sorry. Deeply sorry for all you had to go through." She waved her wand and served the food.

"You haven't had life so easy yourself." He sighed. "I appreciate and accept your apology, but you didn't need to give it. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. It was wrong."

"No, I needed to hear it. I'm glad you got angry with me. I needed to know how you felt. I did deserve some of it and don't try and deny it." She sat down across from him.

"Potter and Black deserved it, not you. The professors deserved it too. My parents deserve it as well, but seeing as they aren't here to hear it, I'll put them out of my thoughts. I took out my pent-up frustrations on you. That was wrong and I am sorry for that. It's hard when no one believes that you can be anything more than a Death Eater."

"That's what I am talking about, Severus. All they saw, minus Slughorn, was a quiet Slytherin. No one saw what you were capable of. You have no idea how aggravating it is to think about now." He rolled his eyes. "Well, maybe you do, but I never really thought about it before. How many others could have been saved from being at You-Know-Who's side if the teachers actually tried to get to know the Slytherins? They could have helped prevent the rivalry of houses. That rivalry they created causes so much turmoil. It's stupid."

"I don't know, Lily. They didn't care enough. I was only a threat."

"The teachers didn't believe in you, but I knew you had so much potential. You still have so much potential. That's why I hated it so much when I saw you with those wannabe Death Eaters. I knew they were trouble and yet, they kept pulling you in. They were worthless and they didn't deserve you as a friend. You were and still are so much better than they are." 

His jaw dropped. He shook his head. "Lily,"

"What?" She was still flustered.

"Thank you."

"For what?" She was confused.

"That's probably the nicest thing anyone ever said to me." 

She looked at him and a lump caught in her throat. She blushed again. "Well, it's true." It was quiet for a few minutes.

"Do you plan on staying here awhile?" He finally asked, the silence getting to him.

"Well," She looked at him. "Only if it is okay with you? I hate to think we are imposing."

"Of course not. I just figured if you were staying here awhile I ought to give you a proper room. Not that I mind giving up my room, but I would like it back at some point."

"That would be very kind, but don't feel like you need to go out of your way to make us more comfortable. I would be just as happy to take the couch."

"Nonsense. You are the guest. Besides, Black was on the couch. You don't where that mutt has been."

"Severus." She rolled her eyes.

"Well, it's true." 

She sighed. "I appreciate you letting us stay. The only other place I could think of would be Petunia's place, but she wouldn't want us there. Can you believe she still won't speak to me?"

"No. She's still jealous? After all these years?"

"I guess. She married and has a son of her own now. They live in Surrey. I think they named him Dudley or something. He's about a month older than Harry, but I've never met him."

"Dudley? Sounds like something Petunia would name her kid." He never did care for Petunia. He found hard to believe sometimes the two were even related, let alone sisters.

"Yeah. She wants no part in my life. She's never met Harry. She says she doesn't want her son to be friends with a freak." Severus grumbled. Yep, same Petunia, he thought, nothing changed there. She always called Lily a freak and of course she would consider Lily's child one too.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

"Don't be. I'm not really. I do wish she would come around. It would have been nice to have raised our children together. The boys could have been good friends." She sighed. "No matter, it is what it is. So, how was work? Where do you work?" She said, changing the subject.

"It was fine, I guess. I work at the Apothecary in Diagon Alley."

"Do you like your job?"

"It's okay. I don't know what else I'd be doing. It pays well enough and all I do is brew and bottle potions. I'm guessing you aren't working as of late."

"I was planning on being an auror, but then I got pregnant and I've stayed home with Harry."

"Was Potter an auror?"

"Yes. Kind of anyway.” Harry was sticking his fingers in the bowl and licking them. She handed Harry his spoon, “Use your spoon, dear.” She turned back to Severus. “Wasn’t really employed though, just did some of work with the order.” 

"Did you plan on training when Harry was a bit older?"

"Well, I figured we would have a couple more children, so no, but now, I don't know. I might consider it. I was never sure if I could do it, honestly." He didn't dare say it, but he thought she was wasting her life on Potter and children. She was an intelligent witch and could have done so much for the wizarding world. He didn't know why she didn't see that. Where was the confident Lily he knew?

"Well, I disagree and think you have plenty of talent to give. You would be a great auror."

"Thanks, but I don't know if that's true."

"I do." She looked down at her bread. He figured he should change the subject. "How many kids did you want anyway? Don't tell me you wanted to beat the Weasleys? How many do they have now, six?"

"Seven, they just had another. A girl this time." She smiled. Severus rolled his eyes. The Weasley woman does nothing except breed children, he thought. "And no, I was thinking about two or three. Of course, James was happy with just Harry. He didn't know if he wanted any more children. He liked being an only child."

Severus scoffed. "Of that I have no doubt." Potter was a spoiled only child, he knew that. He never had to share the limelight with anyone. Of course he'd want to create a pampered, spoiled brat just like him, he thought to himself.

"I liked having a sister though. That is until I went to Hogwarts and she became jealous. I wanted Harry to have a brother or sister. Of course, now, he'll always be an only child."

"Maybe. Then again you may find someone else eventually." He just hoped it wouldn't be Black or Lupin, but especially not Black.

She shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't know."

"Just don't marry Black. You'd have to be mad." 

She laughed. "Oh please." She raised her eyebrow. "Black and Rossi have been going out for the past six months."

"Hmm. They seem right for each other. I wonder how much longer it will last."

"No clue, they never seem to last long. I don't know how much they honestly know about each other though. They never seem to do more than snog.”

"Sounds like Black. That was all he ever did with girls back in school too. Never could make a commitment, just wants to see how many women he can shag."

"Sev, honestly!" She blurted out. 

He nearly choked on the soup. "What did you call me?" He swore he had to have heard wrong. She hadn't seriously called him by her given nickname for him, had she? "Did you just call me Sev?" She smiled.

"Why, yes, I guess I did." She smiled at him. "I guess this makes us friends again."

"I'd like that. I could use a friend." He smiled at her.

"So could I." She mumbled. "Well, shall I make a toast then?" She raised her glass. 

Severus looked at her and nodded. 

"To friends?"

"To friends." He raised his glass. They both took a drink before clearing the table. What was originally a bad day had somehow turned around into something good and they were getting along again. A bad day turned good was rarity for Severus and he wondered how long it would last.

For the first time since her husband had passed away, a twinge of happiness raced up inside her. She was glad that she ran into Severus that fateful night. Perhaps they both needed this. This arrangement might be so bad after all, she thought.


	8. Twas the Night Before Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Sirius duke it out and the holidays come to Spinner's End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I trust everyone is continuing to stay well and safe as this pandemic rolls on. I'm home today with a slight fever, 100.5F/38C and 99% sure it's a sinus infection as allergies are just horrendous right now. Pollen is on everything. So quite certain it's not the corona. Still, with this panic my work told me to not even think about entering the building. No complaints there. Also happy April. No pranks from me though.

**Late November 1981**

A loud pounding at the door made Lily curse. She got up from the couch with Harry cradled in her arms. As she opened the door, it flew open, nearly smacking her and Harry in the process. Sirius stormed into the foyer. "Heard Snivellus was at work." 

Lily voiced her displeasure. "Stop calling him that. You're 21. Let's grow up." 

"So, what good is it to protect you if he's off working most days?" 

Lily rolled her eyes. "We have charms on the place and I'll be fine. His place is protecting me. I can handle myself." 

"Ha!" 

She glared at him, " What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nothing. Just don't see why you can't be at my place instead. Charmed just the same." 

"And an obvious choice. Now, quiet down already. I just got Harry down for a nap." 

Sirius grumbled to himself and she could not make out his words. She adjusted Harry slightly to make it more comfortable on her arms. 

"You should apologize." 

"To who?" 

"You know exactly who." 

Sirius scoffed loudly, "He's the one who hexed me and tried to curse me. You remember?" 

Her eyes bore into his like daggers, "You mean the same things you always did to him?" 

"That was when we were kids, Lily." 

"It was only a few years ago and I've never heard you apologize." 

"Never heard one from him other." 

Lily wanted to pull at her hair, "You are acting like a child."

He chortled, "But Snape isn't?" Sirius slammed the front door. 

Lily frowned, "Quiet. Harry's teething and it took me awhile to get him down." She walked to the living room and slowly laid Harry down in the playpen before turning back to Sirius. "Just listen. We all have to work together now. We are working to protect Harry from You-Know-Who. We have to protect each other right now too. They will kill me if they find me. They will kill Severus if they ever discover we're here. They will try and kill you to find me and Harry. Being ready to kill each other helps no one. We have been out of school for a few years now. It's long past time you both got over your animosity. Don't forget that you and James would attack him for no reason quite often." 

Sirius let out a guffaw. 

"Hush your voice." She snapped. "Don't act like you didn't either." 

"What of him?" 

"I'm aware of what he did too. You were all petty. Changes nothing. Just fucking apologize." 

"When he does, I will." 

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Be that way." She pointed to the door. "You can leave." 

He shook his head with a gaped mouth, "What?" 

"Severus will be home in about two hours. Either you two can try and work this out or you can just leave." 

Sirius's eyes narrowed and he tsked, "I came to check on you and Harry. I am his godfather and I had to be sure James's son is okay." 

Lily's eyes turned into near slits, " _My_ son is just fine, thank you very much. You would do well to remember he belongs to me." 

Sirius's neck vein bulged and he clenched his fists. "You got over him awful fast. You don't even miss him now that you're all buddy-buddy with Snivellus!" 

Lily's neck grew red and she clenched her fingernails deep into her palms as she gritted her teeth and sucked in air. "How dare you? How dare you even think that I don't miss him! I have neither seen nor heard from you since your fight with Severus! Don't pretend you give a damn all of the sudden!" 

"I've been trying to convince them to let Harry stay with me instead!" 

She balled her fists and touched the edge of her wand. "You what?" 

"Well, he'd be safer with me!" 

"He's safest with his own mother!" She snapped, but tried to keep her voice down. 

"That's not what I-"

"I'm done with this conversation." Lily spoke coolly. 

"Lily, I didn't mean-"

"This conversation is over." 

"Funny how the guys you are around end up in a bad way." 

"Excuse me?" 

"Snape leaves you for the Death Eaters. Whitman went insane. I told James he could have done so much better than you! Look what being with you got him! Dead!" 

She sucked in air heavily. "I don't give a damn if you are pissed about what happened to James. I will not have you putting the blame on me. You can see yourself out." 

"You better not let Snivy hurt my godson!" 

"I SAID," she quieted her voice, "you can leave now. That was not a question." 

"Gladly!" He yelled and slammed the front door so hard that it jarred the house. Harry stirred in the playpen and began to cry. Lily cursed to herself as she picked him up.

**Christmas Eve 1981**

Lily came in the door with Harry, taking off her and Harry's snow laden coats. Harry was running circles around her. "Stay still." She let out a huff.

"So, how was the visit? Did he give Harry fleas?" He sneered. Lily turned to the living room where Severus was sitting.

"No, instead he gave Harry plenty of candy and sugar, by the spoonful." She said this with a grumble. "I could kill him. Now he won't calm down. He's been running up walls." She paused. "Literally." Her frustration with Black made him smirk.

"Typical Black. I'm sure he wants a spoiled kid like him and Potter."

"Well, I don't want a spoiled brat for a child. I told him Harry could have one piece of candy, one! Apparently, Sirius can't count and gave him ten pieces. 10 pieces! And then the git gave Harry plain sugar, straight sugar by the spoonful. He said Harry had two spoonfuls, but I could tell he was lying. I know he gave him more. Completely disobeyed my orders."

"Well, to be fair Sirius never did play by the rules."

"Well, I don't care for direct disobedience about how I want my child raised. If he has a child, he can raise it however he wants to, but I am not listening to his nonsense on how he thinks I should raise James's son. That's how he worded it too, as James's son." She crossed her arms in anger. "I'm tired of it. Like he doesn't see that he's my son too." She pointed at Harry, who was running up and down the hallway from the front door to the back door, over and over. "My child has gone insane." 

Severus pursed his lips. He was trying not to laugh at the situation, but he couldn't help it. He thought she was cute when she was mad, particularly when she was mad at someone else and even more so when she was mad at Black. Lily mad at Sirius made his day. He smiled at Lily.

"And what may I ask is so funny."

"Sorry, Lily. It's just that this is the first time I've seen you mad at someone else in a long time. I love that is it Black that you are angry with, the git deserves it." He wasn't about to tell her the real reason he was smiling. Perhaps he would at some point, but not any time soon. He didn't want to scare her off. He was enjoying the friendship again and they had been getting along well so far.

"Well, I," Lily was speechless for a moment. "Yes, he does deserve it." She grabbed the presents Black and Lupin and a few others had sent and set the packages under the tree. She stood up and admired the tree.

Lily smiled. "It's beautiful. Thanks again for letting me put up a tree."

"You've thanked me about a dozen times and a dozen times I've told you it was nothing really. You kept hinting you wanted one. You are the guest and I want you to be happy here. Who know how long you will be staying at this point.” 

She sighed. "Yes, and I appreciate all the help. You've really gone out of your way to make us feel at ease and I am grateful for that."

"Well, I don't want to make you miserable. It can be a bit dull around here."

"No, it's fine. I know it can't make life any easier for you, hiding us and pretending to be a spy for the thing that's after Harry."

"I can hide quite a bit from the Dar-You-Know-Who, sorry." He corrected himself at Lily's look.

"I know." She looked at the tree again. "It's just very kind of you. Even though you don't care much for the holidays."

"It's just another day to me. It's never been very special. It was always was for you though, so it's the least I could do."

"I just want Harry to have a good Christmas." She sighed and looked at Harry, who was playing with blocks on the floor. He was stacking them up and then knocking them down by throwing himself on top of them and tossing them wildly. 

"Yes, well, I guess he should have one. I hope you do too." He was now standing beside her in front of the tree.

"It will be difficult. I know we weren't together long. Just a little over three years, but still, we spent the last three Christmases together. Our first Christmas together was right after we married. It was not so good because I was pregnant and very sick. He was only 4 months old last year. This is Harry's first real Christmas. We were hoping to start some nice traditions with him." Severus really didn't like to hear about the two of them together, but he always pretended to listen anyway.

"Well, you still can."

"Yeah, but things just seem so bleak. James is gone. The war is still going on. More muggles have been killed. The Death Eaters destroyed an office building." She looked at him. His expression was sullen. "Sorry, I keep forgetting you are one, sort of."

"I didn't know what they were doing. I wasn't with Travers. It was The Dark Lord," She gave him a reproachful look. "I mean You-Know-Who, sorry, Lils, bad habit." She gave a small smile. "It was his and Travers idea."

"But the muggles weren't doing anything. I just don't get it. It's an act of terrorism, that's what it is." She sat on the couch.

"Basically, yes, but more eugenics."

"Yes and I'm part of what he wants gone." 

He swallowed hard. "Despite what I called you and despite what you think, I never would have harmed you, ever." 

She gave a curt nod. "I know.” She sighed. "I just want it end."

"Me too, Lils, me too." He sighed and sat in the chair across from her. She was watching the tree. He couldn't help but notice the sadness in her eyes. Harry had walked over to the tree and taken a bulb off without notice. He raised his arm as if ready to throw it.

"No!" Lily said to him, suddenly realizing what her son was doing. "We don't throw. Put it back please." He looked at her and put his hand down.

"No." He said back. “Put back.” 

"That's right. Put it back." He set it down. "Thank you." He turned back to the tree and attempted to take another ornament off it. Lily got up, took it out of his hands and put it up higher in the tree. She then put him on the couch with her. He fussed. "You are being awful feisty today, you know that? Damn Black." She muttered the last words, but Severus heard and curled his lip. Lily damning Black was music to his ears.

"Want it!" He cried.

"No, they aren't toys." She grabbed some books. "Here, look at these." He took one and started to flip through the pages. She rubbed her temple, her head pounding. "I have a headache."

"Well, you did spend the morning at Black's. He always gives me a bad headache too. I think it's his presence. He just makes people ill." She looked at him and rolled her eyes. 

"There's a headache potion in the lab. I can get it for you if you want."

"No, I'll get it. He's been cutting more teeth. I think that's part of the reason he's being so cranky today, besides the sugar." The last words rolled off her tongue like venom at the reminder. "I want to get his teething ring." She got up.

"Fourth shelf, fifth from the left, I think. It's labelled anyway." She nodded and left the room. Severus grabbed one of his potions books on the table and began to read. Lily came back in shortly. She handed Harry a cold teething ring.

"I think I'm going to go lay down for awhile. I'll be up before the Malfoy child arrives. Can you keep an eye on Harry?" 

He looked up. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to lay down for a bit."

"Alright, let me know if you need anything." She smiled and gave a nod before turning to Harry, who was looking at the book still. "He'll be fine." He said, sensing her apprehension. 

She nodded again and turned for the stairs. Severus watched her go before turning to Harry. He hadn't noticed she left and was looking at the images with excitement.

"Bear!" He exclaimed, pointing to an image in the picture book. “Roar.” Harry flipped the page. “Bird. Tweet tweet.” The kid was fine. 

It was less than ten minutes later when he heard the creaking of the front gate. He set his book down and peered out the curtain. The snow was getting thicker, but he recognized two figures coming up his walk. The Malfoys. Of course, they would come earlier because right now was a really bad time. He looked over at Harry. He had to do something quick. He jumped up and grabbed Harry, who seemed confused. He started to fuss. "Shh." He put his finger to his lips.

"Shh." Harry mimicked.

"Yes, we must be quiet." He gathered Harry's toys and stuffed them in their box fast and bolted up the stairs. He entered one of the spare rooms he had turned into a room for Lily and Harry. Lily was sound asleep. He put Harry on the floor with a colouring book and crayons. "Stay quiet." He shut the door as the doorbell rang. He put a charm on the room to silence it. Severus couldn't have Lucius and Narcissa know about Lily being here. All their lives were at stake if caught.

The doorbell rang again. He headed down the stairs. "Coming!" He shouted and pointed his wand to the toy box, waving it behind the tree. He started to open the door and noticed the booster seat in the kitchen. He banished it and opened the door.

"Afternoon, Lucius. Narcissa. And Draco." 

"Afternoon, Severus." Lucius responded coldly, looking at his place with a bit of disgust. Ever the snob, thought Severus.

"Well, come in." Severus gestured them inside. They entered and he shut the door. "Well, can I get you all anything?"

"Oh, no thank you." Narcissa said with a small smile. She set Draco down.

"I am fine." Lucius said. 

"Just great." He thought to himself. "Now I have two toddlers to keep an eye on."

"Well, here's a bag of toys and things for Draco. I packed him some snacks and stuff. I just changed him before we came so he should be fine for awhile. I packed some potions and a dropper just in case he gets ill, but I hope not. His favorite blanket is in the bag too. He won't sleep without it."

"He'll be fine, Narcissa." Lucius said. "Don't baby him."

"He is a baby, Lucius." Severus sighed mentally. Why had he agreed to this again? Oh, yeah, because he was the boy's godfather and because Lily was going to help. After all, Draco was just a bit older than Harry.

"Okay, then." She gave Draco a kiss and took a deep breath. "We should be back by 11." She walked out the door. "I hope he won't be too much trouble for you." They left. Draco was looking around the room. Severus figured he ought to check on Harry. He hoped he hadn't woken Lily up. He left Draco in Harry's playpen and went upstairs.

Severus found Harry scribbling on the dresser to his horror. He bit back the urge to lose his temper. Lily was still asleep, and he wouldn't dare wake her. He snatched Harry and proceeded to leave the room. Before he did, he took one last look at Lily. He couldn't help but think she was just as beautiful as always. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and shut the door. At the top of the steps, he saw Draco fumbling up the stairs. He walked down and snatched Draco up. This was going to a longer evening than the night when he watched Lily's kid. Now he had the Potter and Malfoy brats to keep an eye on without any help from Lily.

He set both boys down in the living room. Harry took a ball from his toy box and rolled it around. Draco took it from Harry. "Mine!" He shouted. Harry started to cry. Severus collapsed onto his chair. He felt a headache coming on and rubbed his temple. He really hoped Lily would be up soon and feeling better.

"Can anything in my life ever be simple" He pondered. "No, why ruin the gods' fun?" The fates always seemed to mock him and were probably having a good laugh. All Severus wanted was some whiskey, liquor, any type of strong drink really. He had a long evening ahead of him.

**0o0o0**

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Enough!" He bellowed out. Harry stopped fussing and let go of Draco's hair. Draco stopped biting Harry's arm. Both of them were crying as they injured each other over a book they both wanted. Severus looked up at the old grandfather clock in the corner and got up from his chair.

"Need some help?" He turned and saw Lily descending the stairs.

"Well, I, we have company."

"I see." She gave a small smile.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes. I think I was just over tired and a bit stressed out." She tucked a lock of her auburn hair behind her ear. "I can take over for awhile if you want to start dinner or I can do dinner while you watch the kids?"

"No, please, take them. Lucius and Narcissa won't be back until eleven. I'm not up for being a babysitter to two right now."

"He looks like Lucius a bit. I can see a little of Narcissa."

"This is Draco."

"I know you agreed to watch him, but I wonder, what about her sister?"

"Bellatrix?" He let out a scoff. "That woman wouldn't be fit to watch a small tank of fish for five minutes, let alone a toddler."

She laughed. "That is certainly true. The woman is crazy."

"I think the word you want is psychopath."

"Yes. There's also Andromeda, but I know, they consider her a blood traitor. Still, she has a daughter of her own, right."

"Yes, but they wouldn't let their son near them. The Malfoys wouldn't their son play with a half-blood born of a blood traitor. I am just an exception."

"Then again if they knew who you had in your home right now and who their son was playing with, they would probably have a heart attack. Harry's a half-blood as well."

Severus sneered. "Yes, they would, but in this case, what they don't know won't hurt them. The boy can't exactly say much. He won't give away your position."

"Done in by a one-year-old." She joked.

"Well, toddlers are quite the menace, if you ask me. They have mischief written all over them."

She laughed. "Well, they can be a handful, yes." She cleared her throat and the boys looked up at her. "Why don't I take them outside? Harry, can you get your shoes, please?" Harry headed for the front door. "Draco, can you bring me your shoes, please?" He looked confused for a moment as she pointed to the door before running off.

"The Malfoy kid won't know what you are talking about, Lily. I doubt the kid has ever had to do anything for himself. I have no qualms that he is spoiled rotten."

"Oh, I think he understood." Harry came in with his shoes, followed by Draco, who was carrying his shoes as well. "See. Simple tasks." She put on their shoes and bundled both boys up. "Okay, come one, boys. Let's go build a snowman." Lily took them out into the backyard.

Severus started some food, but watched out the window. The sun was beginning to set. Lily was showing them how to make a snowball. The snow was not very wet and the balls weren't really turning out well. They tried to copy Lily with little luck. Harry was running in circles around the yard and Draco attempted to eat the poorly constructed snowballs instead of throw them.

_A couple hours later_

Severus went into the living room, feeling slightly guilty for giving Lily an extra toddler to watch especially considering she had a headache earlier. He figured he ought to take the Malfoy brat for awhile and let her handle her own hyped up kid.

He stopped upon entering. Lily was sitting on the couch, both boys on her lap listening to her read and attempting to turn the pages of a book with her.

"When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter."

"Big Hat." Draco said, pointing to a picture in the book and looking at Lily. She smiled.

"Yes, that's a hat." He nodded as if satisfied. Lily continued. "Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash." She was reading the story slightly animated. "The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer!"

"With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick." She read the whole story with both boys completely enamored and quiet for the most part. Lily always had such a gentle way. She was nothing like his mother. She was caring and ready to help anyone in need. So unlike himself, Severus thought. That was part of the reason he liked her in the first place. Here was Lily, reading a children's story to Draco Malfoy, the son of two Death Eaters and it didn't bother her a bit. She didn't care about who his parents were, she just saw a toddler.

"And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night." She shut the book. "The end." Lily sighed. "Now I think it is time to give you both a bath, get you in your night clothes and put you to bed." She set them both down and got up. She took the boys upstairs.

Severus sat in the living room and looked at the tree Lily had decorated. He was not a fan of the holidays. Some people have thought them fun, but he was not into any of the nonsense. The carols, the gift exchanging, the trees, the lights, all of it was nauseating to him. He knew he sounded like Scrooge, but didn't care.

About an hour later, Lily came back down. "I'm going to make some hot cocoa, would you like a cup?"

"Sure." She disappeared to the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later.

"Here."

"Thanks, Lily." He took the cup. She sat down on the couch and watched the fire blazing in the fireplace. She could hear carolers outside singing Torme and Wells' _The Christmas Song._ She sighed before looking up. Severus was looking at her with a bemused expression.

"You know, it's sad really." He raised an eyebrow. "Seeing the boys asleep in the crib together. They could be friends in another time or universe, but prejudice has gotten in the way in this one. One evil man hell bent on controlling the world, wanting to rid of anyone who stands in his way. It is just a shame that these silly beliefs about one's bloodline matter at all. It ruins everything." It was Severus's turn to sigh.

"You are preaching to the choir." Lily turned her cup in her hand slightly, stirring a marshmallow around. It was silent.

"Severus?" He looked at her. She sighed. "I lied to you." He raised his eyebrow again.

"About what?"

"James."

"What about him?"

"He wasn't an auror."

"What did he do then?"

"Well, he started to train, but then his parents died and left him a fortune. A big, huge fortune and he decided to quit and live off the fortune."

"Oh. Why would you lie about that?"

She shrugged. "I didn't want you to think he was a bum living off his parents' money."

"That's what he was though."

"Lots of people do that."

"You mean those who were lucky enough to be born into great wealth. More people don't than do."

"Yes, true, but if they have the money, they do it."

"Yeah, well, I don't know, I don't think staying at home and sitting on your ass would be a good thing to do. It would make me feel useless. I'd literally go insane and end up in St. Mungo's." 

She gave a shrug in agreement and a nod.

"Well, it's good to know that if I do go mad, you will be expecting it."

"No, well, maybe, we all have the ability to go mad, don't we? Besides, if I didn't have Harry to care for I'd probably go crazy too." She chuckled.

"What did you do for the Order? I mean, won't they need aurors?"

"Oh, little things here and there like sending messages, providing safe spots and holding meetings, anything and everything really." She heaved a sigh. "I wanted him to continue the training, but he felt it unnecessary. I actually quit the program at his persistence. He said I'd never need to work a day in my life, but I wanted to at first. I mean, it is nice to not have to worry about money, but I didn't like being trapped in the house either. Once I became pregnant with Harry that changed. The sickness and fatigue forced me to stay in. We didn't do much. He had his parents' house-elves do the cleaning." She laughed. "James always got mad at me when I tried to clean anything myself. We would argue over it. I needed something to do, I was going crazy in the house."

"So, your marriage to Potter wasn't full of sunshine and roses, huh?"

"Well, it wasn't bad, but we did grate on each other's nerves at times. I think it comes with being near someone all the time. Little things they do start to annoy you. We loved each other, but I guess I needed more personal space and time to myself than he did. I felt like he smothered me at times. I guess he was just worried, but he could be so damn clingy. When I got pregnant, that increased ten-fold and on top of my raging hormones, it wasn't always pretty, no." She let out a stiff laugh.

"You said your first Christmas together, you were sick and pregnant, but weren't you and Potter married soon after graduation?"

"Yeah, that wasn't really a Christmas, so I try and forget about that one." She laughed. "It was a complete disaster. James parents died just a couple weeks before so we were in a mound of paperwork and arrangements and we didn't put any decor. James wanted to move into a new house right away and we moved to Godric's Hollow just before the holidays. We spent that Christmas packing and unpacking. James forgot his wand at the old place and it was just a rather unpleasant day in general."

"I know I shouldn't ask and you don't have to answer, but what was the rush to get married so quickly? I mean, you hadn't gone but a few months and you had barely graduated."

She shrugged. "I don't know. He asked, I accepted for one. Two, my father had died earlier that year and Petunia had just married and I had nowhere to go really. I thought that marriage would give me some stability." She took a sip of her drink. "And um, we thought we needed a quick wedding." He eyed her suspiciously.

"Why?"

"Why did we need a shotgun wedding? Oh, can you think of a reason?"

He nearly spit out his drink. "You were pregnant?" She gave a nod. He'd honestly always wondered if that was the reason, but he never heard about her having a baby until Harry. She had just confirmed his suspicions to have been true.

"We were afraid it wouldn't go over well with his parents and we had a shotgun wedding that July."

"But Harry's only 16 months old, what happened to the first baby?"

"I miscarried that September. I didn't want the baby at first. I never wanted to get pregnant in the first place, it just happened. I should have known better. Not exactly the model Head Girl, huh? We were hoping to claim it as a honeymoon baby. We gave the due date a couple weeks later than what it really was to his parents, but soon after I lost the baby. Few people even knew I was pregnant in the first place." She looked up at him. Severus was clearly shocked by this information. "Just don't tell anyone. Only James, his parents, Remus and Sirius know about that. It's not something I like others to know. The baby never came to pass. I was quite devastated by the loss. James was relieved, fearing the truth would come out, so I tried not to show it, but I was starting to get used to the idea of having a family of my own again. I was married and going to have a baby, but then it got wiped out from under me and it hurt more than I thought it would."

She sighed. "James knew I was upset though and asked if he wanted us to try for another one. At first, I said no. I couldn't think about it. I needed to grieve. I know the baby was not even close to being viable, but it was real for me. The morning sickness certainly reminded me so every day, at random times and it had a heartbeat already. It took almost a year before I finally agreed to have another and I was quite nervous at first about being pregnant, but everything was fine and I got Harry." She gave a smile, thinking about Harry.

"Don't worry, Lily. Your secret it safe with me."

"Thanks." Lily looked up at the clock. "It's almost eleven. They should be here at any moment."

"When they arrive, I'll get Draco and bring him down here."

"I'll go into your lab and pretend I'm not here."

"It's not that I don't want you here, you know? Under different circumstances-"

"Under different circumstances, I wouldn't be here in the first place." She gave him a tiny smile. "But they would be horrified to learn you had been hiding me here. They are Death Eaters and would sell you out to You-Know-Who in a heartbeat."

"They would sell us both out because even if they didn't want to do us harm, they'd end up tangled in the mess. Their lives would be at stake as well and he'd kill all of us without a second thought." 

She shuddered and shook her head, as if trying to get that thought out her mind. She looked out the window. Snow was still falling.

"I guess we'll be having a white Christmas after all." She said, changing the subject.

"Yes, and it would be much more pleasant if I didn't have to hear that incessant singing." Lily laughed, even though he was being serious.

"I think it's lovely." She listened to the carolers once more as they sang William Chatterton Dix's _What Child Is This?_ "I find it comforting and peaceful, as if there is some normalcy in all this chaos, a moment's rest in a time of war. I just hope it isn't a sign of things to come, like the calm before the storm."

"Let's hope not." Just then, the gate creaked open. They both set their cups down. Severus bolted up the stairs and Lily ran for the lab. Severus came down with a sleeping Draco and set him on the couch as the doorbell rang. He opened the door and let the Malfoys inside.

"How was he?"

"Fine. No trouble at all." Lucius looked around the room and zeroed in on something. It made Severus slightly nervous. Lily had already cleaned up Harry's toys and tucked them away. Had she missed one?

"I see you had some company, Severus." Severus turned and saw Lily's cup on the side table. He tried not to wince and thought fast.

"Oh, yes, old lady next door. She's a widow and tends to invite herself over quite often." He lied, feigning frustration. Lucius seemed to accept the lie.

"Yes, muggles and mudbloods lack good manners, don't they?" He nodded as if in agreement. Narcissa scooped Draco up into her arms.

"Thanks for watching him, Severus. We really appreciate it."

"No trouble at all. He's welcome anytime." He extended that invitation with the knowledge they wouldn't leave Draco with him very often. Narcissa preferred to care for her son herself and he knew this. She would hardly even let the house-elves near the boy.

"Wilkes was killed by aurors yesterday. The Dark Lord will be looking to get them back and I have no doubt he will call a meeting soon on his plans for revenge." Great, though Severus, that's how I want to spend my Christmas, with the Death Eaters.

"Well, that's a shame." He said, though he felt no sadness at all. Wilkes was asking for trouble, trying to kill the aurors as it was. It was slightly comical to him that the aurors beat him to the task.

"Yes, he was a good friend. Such a loss." He said with no remorse at all.

"We weren't that well acquainted, to be honest.

"But it is a loss of a Death Eater, nonetheless." Narcissa said. "Well, we should be going, it is quite late and family is coming for dinner tomorrow evening. Have a good Christmas, Severus. Shame you are alone for the holiday." She said, walking out the door.

"You as well, Narcissa. Don't worry about me though." They left. He closed the door and let out a sigh of relief.

Lily appeared moments later. "I'm glad that's over."

"Don't worry, they are the only ones who know where I live. They only know because I'm their kid's godfather."

"I heard that Wilkes died."

"Yes, not much of a loss, really. He was all but asking for a death."

"Aurors don't normally kill."

"I don't doubt Wilkes gave a fight and they had little choice."

"So, they will want revenge."

"Oh, yes, any excuse to get back at those against him." 

She looked down at the floor and took a breath. "I really hope they don't find out the truth about you."

"Don't worry, they won't. I'll do whatever it takes to hide that knowledge. Heads will roll otherwise and I prefer to keep my head attached to my body."

"I'm not afraid to die as I know that possibility is very likely, but I'm not ready to die just yet and Harry's only a toddler. He needs the chance to live his life."

"He needs a good mother like you if he is to stand a chance."

"Thanks." She sighed. "It's late. I think I should go to bed. Night, Severus."

"Night, Lily." She disappeared up the steps. Severus took one last look into the living room. The carolers were still singing. This time it was Joseph Mohr and Franz Xaver Gruber's song.

"Silent Night, Holy Night. All is calm, all is bright." Severus felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He hoped Lily wasn't right and tonight's close call wasn't a sign of things to come.

"Infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace." They sang. Severus flicked the lights out and walked up the stairs. He touched his left arm where the mark was. Someone had to find a way to finish all this. Someone had to find a way to stop the megalomaniac. Someone had to find a way to end this war before it was too late.


	9. Happy Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays arrive at Spinner's End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is continuing to stay well. Super excited that it's a short week this week since Friday is a holiday. What am I doing that weekend? Same as everyone else right now. Nada. Never thought I'd be wishing for all of my kids to come back. When I said I wouldn't mind less students sometimes, the universe took that way too literally.

It was 4AM and Severus decided to go down to his kitchen for a drink of water. He headed down the steps and started past his living room when a figure caught his eye. He stopped and saw Lily asleep on his couch. He had no idea why she was down here instead of up in her bed. He walked quietly into the living room and looked at her.

Her eyes were red and there were tissues around her. She had been crying. "Accio quilt." He mumbled. He put the tattered old quilt that was over his favorite chair on her. He decided to leave her and turned to head out of the room.

"Sev?" Lily said, waking up. He stopped and spun back around.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"I'm a light sleeper."

"Me too." It was silent a moment. "What are you doing down here?"

"I couldn't sleep so I came down here to think. What are you doing down here?"

"I was thirsty. I wanted a drink of water, but I saw you on the couch. You, um, looked cold, so I put a blanket on you. I wasn't intending to wake you."

"Oh, well, thank you."

He gave a curt nod and turned back to the hallway and into the kitchen. He got a glass of water. He heard someone and turned to find Lily standing in the doorway. She pulled her robe closer to her and folded her arms under her breasts.

"Everything okay, Lily?" He asked, noting the look on her face that exhibited great concern. "Did something happen?"

"You mean besides everything that has already happened and keeps happening?" 

He let out a sad sigh and shrugged. "Yes." It was quiet a moment.

"I just don't understand it, I never did." She blurted out. 

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What don't you understand?"

"Any of this for one. It's all sick, disturbing and unnecessary." She hung her head for a moment. "Why Harry? Why a baby? That's what I don't understand. I mean, for pete's sake he's not even toilet-trained and that murderous bastard thinks Harry is a threat." 

Severus had to agree. "It baffles me as well."

"I mean, he hates muggleborns and I am one, so why would he choose my child? Wouldn't he consider my child as nothing more than useless half-blood?" She paused. "Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want him after the Longbottom baby either, but I just can't wrap my head around it." 

He sighed. "Sit down."

"What?"

"Sit down." He pointed to the table. She hesitated, but then took a seat. He sat beside her. "How much do you know about You-Know-Who or the prophecy?"

"That a male child was going to be born as the seventh month, July, dies. Harry was born July 31 and that he will have the power to defeat the Dark Lord, but that makes little sense. I know he wants to get rid of his perceived threat, but I highly doubt Harry and Neville are the only wizard child born at the end of July last year. The prophecy didn't say the boy would live in Great Britain, did it? No, and the child could be anywhere in Europe. You-Know-Who is a threat to those outside of Great Britain as well."

"I know, but he, for whatever reason, has chosen your child. Perhaps his half-blood status is the reason he picked Harry."

"But why would-"

"You-Know-Who is half-blood."

"I knew that, but why would that matter? He hates anyone not a pureblood. There are very few exceptions, sort of."

He cringed and cleared his throat. "The Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not. His equal would be a half-blood like himself. They would be like him." 

Lily cringed. "No, my child won't be like him. Harry won't be a dark wizard. I'll do everything in my power to prevent it."

"It doesn't say Harry will be a dark wizard, just that he will be equal to the Dark Lord and have power he doesn't know. What that power is, I don't know."

"So, Harry could be his equal, but on the light side?"

Severus shrugged. "Yes, if the prophecy means him, Harry is apparently destined to be a very powerful wizard." He said this half serious, half joking.

"My Harry? One of the most powerful wizards? I don't know about that."

"Well, he certainly wouldn't get it from Potter, he would have to have gotten it from you. You are a very powerful witch yourself."

"Well, um, thanks, but don't knock James, he was talented too."

"At boasting and bullying." He mumbled to himself.

"What?" Lily asked, not hearing what he said.

"Nothing." He cleared his throat. "Look, I don't know who the prophecy really means or even why the Dark Lord believed it at all, but he does and he believes it to be your son." Lily didn't flinch when he said the Dark Lord this time. "So, it is important to continue laying low until we can find a way to end it all."

"I know. I just keep going over it in my head. I keep thinking about it and I just don't know what to do. What about when he gets older? He needs to be around other people. I can't keep him hidden from the world. It is easy now because he's barely a toddler. He will need friends his age. He will need to be educated somehow before he ever goes to Hogwarts. It isn't fair to Harry to keep him from going out and just being a kid. I know many wizard children are educated at home, but they are allowed to play with other wizard children. Harry can't do that because he's a wanted child." She sighed. "Regardless of the status of this war by the time Harry is school-age, I think I am going to enrol him in a muggle primary school. It would be safe for him and allow him to have friends and not be hunted down in the process." 

Severus didn't say anything."It's still worry about that. Like you said, the war may be over by then. I hope it is over before then. I want this to end as much as you do. Everyone will be able to breathe a little easier and sleep better at night knowing that threat is gone."

"That's certain." Lily said and got up. "Well, I figure Harry will be up another hour or two. So, I think I will go try and get a little rest before then. Thanks for listening to my frustrations. I appreciate it. I just need to vent to someone, and I apologize you have to be in my line of fire."

"It's fine, Lily, honest."

"Merry Christmas, Severus."

Severus grumbled. _"What's merry about it?"_ He thought, but answered. "You too, Lily."

_Two hours later_

"Look at your present, Harry. Sirius sent it to you." Harry wasn't paying any attention to the gift and instead was playing with the box. He attempted to climb inside the large box and fell inside, flipping the box upright. Harry peered out of the box and leaned over the side, flipping the box and himself back over on top on himself. Lily gasped, fearing he was hurt. Severus grumbled and lifted the box off the kid. Harry looked up at him, clearly confused at what just happened. Lily laughed.

"I don't why you all bothered with the toys. You should have just bought him a handful of boxes. He'll entertain himself for days."

"I think we should have." She chuckled.

"Dumbledore gave you a gift." She said, handing him a small box. He took it.

"Why would he give me a gift?"

"He gives everyone in the Order a gift. He gives gifts to many people." 

Severus opened it and found some candy."Why does the man assume I have a sweet tooth? I have refused those sherbet lemons of his each time he asks."

"He gives candy to everyone. He gave Harry a special teething ring last year too. This year," She unwrapped her gift from Dumbledore. "He gave me candy as well."

She helped Harry unwrap his gift from Dumbledore. "A yellow ball." Harry hit the ball and it bounced around the room in every which direction, nearly knocking one of the lamps over. Harry giggled with delight. Lily caught it when it came back.

"Well, um, we will have to play with this outside."

"Leave it to Dumbledore to give a toddler a ball that bounces on its own and wrecks my house." He mumbled.

"Yes, like the toy broom Sirius gave Harry for his birthday. Harry loved the toy, but he ended knocking into a few things and broke a vase. James was disappointed when I made it a rule that the broom had to be played with outside." She chuckled at the memory.

"Already trying to get Harry to turn into a star player, huh?” Severus bit back the vitriol he was feeling about Harry becoming a mini James Potter. 

"I think he hoped Harry would play Quidditch, but there is no way to know yet if he will want to play."

"So you don't care if Harry doesn't play Quidditch when he gets to Hogwarts?"

"Not really, no. It's up to him. If he is good at it and wants to play, then great. If not, that's fine too. I just want him to do well at his studies and work at being a good wizard."

"Well, that's good."

She handed him another present. "Another present? Who sent this one?"

"It's from me."

"You are giving me a present?" He asked, quite surprised by the gesture.

"Of course." She laughed at his surprise. "Why wouldn't I?" He opened it and looked at the three stones.

"Variscite?" 

She nodded. 

"But how did you-"

"Diagon Alley a couple weeks ago. They had some rare gems for sale, and I found them. I knew you didn't have any and they help make the best calming potions." He smiled.

"Well, thank you." He handed her a small box. "This is for you if you want it." 

She smiled and took it. She opened it and gasped. "This, you, you kept this?" He shrugged.

"Who else was I going to give it to?"

"I'm sorry about giving it back, but I was mad.” She cleared her throat and looked at the beautiful necklace with the green stone inside. "Well, thank you for giving it back. I loved it the first time and I think I love it more now. Thank you."

"I thought you might want it back." She touched the charmed rock and realized it had a different stone inside.

"This is, it isn't, it's a real emerald, isn't it?" He nodded.

"I decided to switch the stones. The old one was just a charmed rock." He gave a shrug and was suddenly almost knocked off his feet as Lily gave him a hug. 

"Thank you. It is even more beautiful now."

"Um, well, I, uh, you're welcome." He cleared his throat, still in a bit of shock at her random hug. He wasn't used to hugs. He wasn't sure the last time he received one. He figured it was Lily who gave him a hug last. She was the only one who ever did hug him.

Lily put on the necklace. "Well, I think that's all the gifts. Perhaps we should go have breakfast. Lupin wants us to have Christmas dinner at his place. All the Order is invited, and you are too. Of course, others not in the Order will be there too."

"Will Black be there?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll pass." 

She sighed. "You can't avoid the Order because Sirius will be there."

"Why not? It is working quite well. I'd rather not ruin the day by having to see Black's face."

"Fine, but I hate that you will be here by yourself on Christmas."

"A couple hours of peace and quiet won't hurt a thing." He paused. "Not that you annoy me or anything. I do like having you here." 

She laughed at his quick defence. "Oh, it is fine. Everyone needs quiet time and Harry and I have sorted invaded your home."

"No, really, it hasn't been a problem. You could never be a problem." He cringed after he said this, hoping that it didn't sound wrong.

"Well, thank you. I hope I'm not any trouble. I hope neither of us are, honestly. I greatly appreciate you letting us stay here and doing all this for us, really." She picked Harry up onto her hip. He had a new toy car in his hands. "I think I'll fix some breakfast." She started out of the room but turned back to him. "Happy Christmas, Sev."

"Happy Christmas, Lily." He said sincerely, looking at the rare stones in his hand. It was turning out to be a good day. He hoped nothing would ruin the mood.

**Later that Day**

"I can't believe I was talked into this." Severus said, straightening his robes. Lily was putting on Harry's coat.

"Dumbledore said he wanted you there for some reason." She picked Harry up. "Okay, we're ready to go." They headed out the door.

"It's going to look awkward walking to the alley. People may think we are, you know, a couple."

"Good." She said, matter-of-factly. "Then hopefully no stupid boys will assume I'm single and try to get my number."

"Well, you are single."

"I'm a recent widow and I don't want anyone asking me out for a date randomly. You are a good cover. I'll look married with a child." He couldn't help but smile at the fact that she was using him to her advantage.

"You know, Lily, I always knew you would have made a good Slytherin." She stopped and looked at him with shock. "You can be rather cunning, using me to your advantage."

"Well, I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to use you. I'm sorry if it came out wrong."

"No, really, it is very clever." 

Harry dropped the bear he was holding and started to fuss. Lily picked it up and handed it back to him.

"He loves the bear you got him. He even napped with it this afternoon." She said with a smile at Severus.

"It's just a stuffed toy." In truth, he figured he ought to give the kid something. Lily and Harry had lost nearly all their possessions after Voldemort had set the home on fire after his failed attempt to kill Harry.

"Not to him. I am glad you got it for him. Out of all the toys he was given, he picked yours as his new favourite."

"He doesn't like the ride-on dragon Sirius gave him?” 

"Not really, but he still likes the box it came in. I think the toy scares him a little bit. He'll like it more when he's older." They apparated to Lupin's home. Lily knocked on the door. Lupin answered and welcomed them inside.

"Everyone is in the next room." They entered to find about two dozen other people there. Severus could feel several eyes on him as he entered the room. Many of the women came to greet Lily and coo over Harry, saying how big he had gotten. Lily ended up being pulled into the kitchen and Harry was passed around the older women.

"Isn't he just adorable?"

"Look at him. He looks just like James, doesn't he?"

"Yes. I wonder if he'll be as good a chaser as James."

"I have no doubt. It's in his blood."

"He's just the cutest thing. Aren't you? Aren't you?" Some girl said to him in baby talk. Severus rolled his eyes, slightly disgusted. Harry didn't seem to like all the commotion over him and began to fuss and squirm.

 _Not much like his father yet,_ Severus thought. _Potter would have eaten up the attention_

The Weasleys turned up as they entered the small dining room that had an extension charm on it so everyone could fit. The women began to fawn over the Weasley children next.

"Oh, look at her. She's adorable. I bet you are glad it is a girl this time after six boys." One middle-aged woman said.

"I haven't seen your children in ages. How old are you they now?" Another woman said, pinching Fred's cheek. Fred looked annoyed.

"Ginny is four months old already and Ron is almost 22 months now. Fred and George are three and a half and are quite a handful, if I do say so. Percy here is five, Charlie just turned nine and Bill turned eleven last month."

"So, Bill will be going to Hogwarts next year?"

"Yes, we can't wait."

"I bet. One less howler monkey quiets the zoo." He mumbled to himself and felt a slight nudge in his ribs. "Ow." He rubbed his ribs where she had struck him with her elbow though it didn’t actually hurt and looked at her, confused. She glared at him. "What?"

"Be nice." She snapped at him.

"I am only being honest." 

She rolled her eyes. Lupin cleared his throat.

"Dumbledore would like to speak to you all about the Order."

"Thank you, Remus." Dumbledore stood up. "First, I wanted to say that it has been awhile since we met. I thought we might start our feast with a moment of silence for Benjy Fenwick, Caradoc Dearborn, Dorcas Meadows, the Bones family, Fabian Prewett, Gideon Prewett, the McKinnon family and James Potter. They have all lost their lives in this war to Death Eaters or Voldemort himself. Also, to Frank and Alice Longbottom, though alive in body, are no longer alive in spirit." Everyone's head was bowed.

"Now, on to better news. I have yet to introduce a new member of our Order." Severus looked up at Dumbledore, knowing full well who this new member was. "Severus Snape has joined our side and the Order." Everyone was looking at him now. He didn't like the attention. Just to make the glares even more unpleasant, Alastor Moody, a well-known auror took his seat beside Severus.

"Aren't you a Death Eater?" Before Severus could say anything, Moody grabbed his left arm. Severus swallowed hard, knowing what Moody was about to do. He doubted the others would be quite so easy to convince of his new allegiance.

"Did I say you could grab my arm, Moody?" 

Moody glared at him. "I know a Death Eater when I see one." He started to pull Severus's sleeve down.

"There will be no need for that, Alastor. Severus is on our side. You will have to trust me on this one." Moody mumbled a few unpleasant choice words.

"Like ya trusted Pettigrew. Look where that got us." Mundungus Fletcher spoke up.

"I trust him." Lily said. 

Severus turned to her. She did?

"Well, ya trusted Pettigrew too and now look at ya, you a widow now."

"To be honest, I didn't know Pettigrew all that well. He and I weren't really friends. More acquaintances. He was friends with James."

"I still don't trust him."

"Should we trust you, Fletcher? You are a known thief, after all." Lupin said.

"I don't do no thieving no more. Thieving isn't as bad as killin'"

"It is still a crime, Mundungus. Besides, I trust Severus. He was the one who figured out where Pettigrew was. He helped us to capture Pettigrew and Rastaban Lestrange." Dumbledore spoke. 

Fletcher grumbled a few colourful words that made Molly pull her eldest sons to her and cover their ears.

"Watch your language, Fletcher. Children are in the room."

"Let's dig in, shall we, Lupin? I know we are all grateful you invited us into your home for dinner." Severus rolled his eyes. Everyone was having their own conversations and he stayed quiet. An elderly woman, who was sitting on the other side of Harry, turned to Lily.

"So, Lily, have you found a new mate yet?" Lily looked at her, astonished.

"No, it's barely been two months."

"Plenty of wizard men would gladly take a young and intelligent witch like yourself for a bride." 

Lily scrunched up her nose. "I do not wish to marry so soon."

"Well, it is not very acceptable for such a young thing such as yourself to stay single. You don't want to stay bitter forever and end up an old spinster. You have many skills to offer and with that cute figure you've got, plenty of men would pay money to take it." Lily didn't kindly to those words and sucked in air. Severus watched her, knowing she was about to explode.

"I am not a pawn to be auctioned off at a market! Nor am I a spinster! I was married, after all!"

"You know that's not what I meant, dear."

"Then what did you mean?"

"That you should try and find someone to settle down with again."

"I am not ready to settle down yet."

"Fine, but when you do, there are plenty of men available. I wouldn't wait too long though or all the good men will be taken."

"I think I'll be fine, but thanks anyway."

The old woman turned to another young woman and began to lecture her on being single. Severus turned back to his food. Moody was watching him like a hawk, as if waiting for his prey to make the wrong move so he can swoop in. It made him very uncomfortable. He had no idea Dumbledore why had wanted him to be here so bad, besides putting Severus on the spot. Right now, he wished he had stayed home and made a calming potion with the variscite Lily gave him. He could certainly have used the draught right now.

A woman across from Lily suddenly gasped. "Lily, where did you get the necklace?"

Lily instinctively glanced down at her neck. "Oh, it was a gift."

"It's beautiful. Who gave it to you?"

"A friend."

"A male friend?" 

Lily frowned. "I don't think that matters."

"It matters."

"No, it doesn't. It was an old gift really. This friend gave it to me in our fourth year at Hogwarts. My mother had passed away just a couple months before and my friend gave it to me as a birthday present to cheer me up. However, we had a falling out after our fifth year, and I gave it back to said friend in my anger. We have gotten back in touch recently and became friends again, so he gave it back to me." She cringed as she realized her mistake. 

"So, it was a lad." Lily sighed. "Will you two be, you know, going out?"

"No. We are just friends. He gave it to me as friend."

"It really brings out your eyes."

"Thanks."

"So, do we know this boy?" 

Lily didn't answer, only rolled her eyes. "Don't even start."

"Start what?"

"There is nothing going on, so don't start any gossip, Mae." Mae started to protest. "This conversation is over." 

Sirius was seated across from Severus. Sirius was looked at him rather suspiciously. "You were the one who gave her that necklace, weren't you?" He hissed. 

Severus glanced at Black a second and ignored him.

"What are were trying to do, make her forgive you?"

"I wasn't trying to do anything."

"Except try and win her affection. She just lost her husband."

"It was her gift, Black. I thought she should have it back." He whispered through gritted teeth. Sirius flicked a pea at Severus, but it fell short of his plate. "Nice throw, Black. How mature of you." Severus looked away and started to eat some of his yorkshire pudding.

A moment later, Severus caught Sirius pulling his spoon back, ready to use it as catapult. The pudding flew his direction and Severus ducked out of the way. The pudding missed him and hit Alastor Moody in the side of his face. Moody turned to Severus, who pulled himself back up and glared daggers at Black.

"Who hit me with their food?" 

Sirius pointed at Severus, who was glowering at Black. 

Moody looked at Severus. "Snape?"

"I didn’t do it." Severus said, putting his hands up in defence. Moody looked between Sirius and Severus a few minutes before griping to himself. Moody then threw one of his Yorkshire puddings at Sirius. The pudding smashed into his face. Severus tried not to laugh as others gasped.

"You think it is funny, do you, Snivellus." Sirius threw one of his own puddings at Severus, but Severus ducked his head along with Moody and this caused the pudding to smash into Emmeline Vance's hair. She screamed as she turned to them. Lily threw her hand up her temple.

"Somethin' fun, finally." Mundungus Fletcher spoke. "Food fight!" He called and grabbed a handful of peas and threw them at Elphias Doge. Doge got angry with Fletcher and flung a stack of carrots back at him with his wand. The carrots missed and hit an elderly man. It was then that all hell broke loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though some may assume that no one would talk to a young, newly widowed woman about remarriage so soon, I can assure you they do. Wrote that because a similar conversation happened to someone I know just a couple months out from her husband's death in a motorcycle accident.


	10. Dinner at Lupin's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas continues and not everyone is happy Severus is in the Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made my goal to get this chapter up today before the severe weather hits. Super excited that it will be a short week this week. Go workplace for two paid days off. Hell yes. No complaints from me.

It was a matter of seconds before food began to fly from every which direction. Severus tried to keep from being hit, but still managed to have some of the puddings strike his face. Lily tried to protect Harry from the flying carrots and goose to no avail. Instead, she had a whole serving of Christmas pudding hit her face and hair. Harry attempted to throw some potatoes, seeing everyone else throwing food. He hit Sirius's shirt.

"Harry, no!" Lily yelled, too late as the potatoes flew.

"Look on the bright side," Severus whispered. "At least he aimed it at the right person." 

Lily didn't seem to see the bright side. Even Dumbledore and McGonagall got pelted with flying food. To both Severus and Lily's surprise, Dumbledore didn't seem to care enough to stop the madness. In fact, he was smiling. The food fight only lasted five minutes at the most, but it seemed much longer. It was only when people began to throw punches instead of food that Dumbledore decided things were getting out of hand.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore called out. Everyone stopped. Sturgis dropped Mundungus, who hit his head on the chair. A young man dropped the peas in his hand, and they bounced off his plate and rolled onto the floor. Two bickering middle-aged women stopped arguing mid-sentence. A man crushed his potatoes in his hand. Moody gave Sirius one last whack with his cracker for good measure, which popped open. "No more throwing of food. I think we've all had our fun." Neither Severus nor Lily thought the food fight was much fun. They weren't the only ones. Many people were looking at Mundungus and Sirius fiercely. It became clear that not one person in the room of about fifty people had escaped the chaos unscathed.

After dinner, everyone worked to clean up the room before cleaning themselves up.

"Get me a towel, Sirius." Lily snapped as she helped clean up the dining room.

"I'm not a slave, Lily."

"Do it! This is your fault in the first place." She was in no mood to fight. The evening already had her on edge.

"Mundungus started the fight, not me."

"YOU started it by throwing food at Severus. Now get me a towel so I can clean up Harry." She said angrily at Black. Black looked at her fiercely. She didn't back her stare down. He finally gave in and got her a towel.

Lily cleaned off Harry and attempted to get the bits of pudding out her hair without much luck. She soon gave up and entered the living room with the others. The Weasleys and another couple with two small children left. The house seemed much quieter after they left despite a few young children still running around and the loud and tipsy adults.

Lily set Harry on the floor with some toys while she talked to a couple of the women. Severus ended up in a conversation with Bartholomew Abney, who had gone to school with Severus and Lily. It was mostly a one-sided conversation with Severus saying little and Bartholomew discussing his achievements since school ended, which weren’t much. 

"So, what made you decide to join the Order? Where have you been the past few years? I haven't heard or seen you when I come in town. I reckoned you'd be off with the other Slytherins who were so intent on becoming Death Eaters."

"I have my reasons and I have been around, Abney."

"It took you awhile to join our side, didn't it?" 

Severus raised an eyebrow. 

"What took so long to become a member, Severus, isn't it?"

"Yes, and you really don't have any room to speak since you aren't technically a member of the Order, now can you?

"Well, I am not able to do so, you see, I have had to move to Liverpool since school ended. I've been working at my grandfather's robe shop there." He continued to talk, and Severus only half listened. He looked around the room at the others. It was clear that Fletcher and Sturgis Podmore had too much wassail. They were cracking up at nothing and their speech was rather slurred as they sang the Wassailing song out of tune. It was clear Black was also getting a bit tipsy too as he joked with Lupin.

He looked over at Lily, who was smiling and talking to Elizabeth Malone. Malone had also gone to school with them. She had been a Gryffindor but was a year younger. He only remembered her because she used to hang around with Lily a lot.

"And she's considering my offer. What about you, Severus? Got yourself a girl yet?" 

Severus snapped back to the conversation. "No."

"None of those Slytherin girls any good for you or have they all been snatched up." 

Severus bit back the urge to scoff. He really hadn't thought much about the other Slytherin girls, truthfully. He'd always had his eyes on only one girl, really. He didn't dare look in her direction at that moment. He wasn't about to give any indication he had ever liked Lily as more than a friend. Why he had only liked Lily, no one ever knew, but she was still the only girl who had ever looked at him without complete pity or disgust. She had been his first real friend, his only best friend and he had yet to meet anyone else who could rival her.

"Not really, no."

"Oh. What about any girls in any other houses?"

Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "We aren't in school anymore, Abney."

"Well, all the witches around went to Hogwarts, didn't they?"

"Most did." Severus really didn't want to have this conversation. He looked over at Dumbledore, who was talking with Filius Flitwick as they both exited the room. 

"Now she was hot, wasn't she?" Abney asked. Severus just shrugged. He wasn't exactly listening and was not sure who Abney was speaking of to give him a proper answer. "We had some Chinese couple come in the shop recently. They were touring England-" Severus wondered if Abney ever shut up. 

“Gross, Harry. Where’s Lily?” Sirius spoke. 

Sirius propped Harry up, his nose scrunched up and a grimace on his face. 

“What’s wrong?’ Remus asked. 

“He shit himself.” 

Remus grimaced a little. “That’s all the way up his back.” 

Sirius picked Harry up under his arms and held him away like Harry would give him a disease. “God that stinks, Harry. Where’d Lily go?” Sirius turned to Severus and walked towards him. “Here, Snape. Take Harry.” 

Before Severus could respond, Sirius practically shoved him into Severus’s arms. 

“Sirius” Remus snapped. 

Severus touched something wet on Harry’s back and pulled his hand away to reveal faecal matter on it. He glowered at Black, who was smiling. “Well, that’s just lovely, Black. Gross you out too much to change a nappy?” 

Lily came over and took Harry from Severus. “I’ll get him changed.” She turned to Sirius and rolled her eyes. “Really mature.” 

“C’mon, have a sense of humour.” 

She ignored him and left the room. Severus followed to clean his hands. When she returned, Harry had new trousers and a new jumper on. She set Harry on the floor to play with some toys and was pulled into more conversation. 

Severus had been pulled into another conversation with Rudolph Barken, who was two years his senior. He recalled Barken had been a Hufflepuff during their time at Hogwarts. Barken congratulated him on joining the Order and began to talk about the financial aspects of the war. Severus tried to think of ways to nicely tell Barken that he honestly didn’t give a damn about the money. 

“That amount could foot so many new buildings. What a waste of money. The cost can’t be justified.” 

“The monetary toll is nothing compared to the human toll,” was all Severus could think to respond. 

Barken seemed taken aback by this. “Well, uh, of course, I just mean, the war is pointless. The money to fight is better spent elsewhere. You can’t justify the monetary costs of a war.” 

“Of course. I mean, surely Voldemort will gladly stop and fund a hospital instead. Perhaps a children's cancer ward?" 

Barken’s cheeks flushed a little at Severus’s mordacious tone. “Well, uh, I-I see your point.” 

Sirius, who was a bit drunk now, took one of the extra crackers and pulled it. It made a loud pop and Harry screamed in fright and started to cry. "It's only a toy. Here, look, a king's crown." Harry ran to closest person he knew in the room. Something suddenly thrusted against his left leg and Severus looked down to find Harry, clinging to his leg in terror and crying to his dismay. Severus turned to Sirius in frustration.

"What did you do to him this time, Black?" He mocked.

"He was afraid of the cracker."

"Was he? Or was it you?" Severus looked around for Lily, but she seemed to have disappeared from the room.

"Well, I'll take this as my cue to go." Barken said and walked off to have a conversation with someone else. After he left, Sirius took a step closer. Harry clutched Severus's robes tighter with one hand, the bear Severus had given him in the other.

"Come on, Harry. No one will set off anymore crackers. Let's get away from Snivellus." Sirius said, reaching for Harry, but when he did so, Harry hid behind Severus. While Severus was far from thrilled that Potter's kid kept getting attached to him, he was quite happy to see Black so disgusted and aggravated.

Severus started to reach for his wand when he stopped. There was a better way to get back at Sirius. Harry cried when Sirius stepped closer and he reached up at Severus, clearly wanting to be picked up. Severus looked at Black with an unreadable expression. He picked Harry up, partially because he figured the kid was going to wipe snot on his robes and partially because he knew it would tick Sirius off. 

Sirius glared at Severus. "I think Lily needs to move out of your place. She's been there long enough." Sirius huffed.

"Speak with her about it if you have a problem, Black."

"We can protect her just fine."

"You sure did a great job before."

"She and Harry are still alive, aren't they?"

"You had no part in that. Lily got herself out. Your suggestion of Pettigrew nearly cost her her life and Harry's. It certainly cost James his, didn’t it?"

Sirius's nostrils flared. "Why are even pretending you to care about Lily and Harry? I know you’d couldn’t deign to care about muggleborns like her or in your case, suppose you’d prefer to call her a mudblood, no?" 

Severus pretended to gasp. "Tsk, Tsk, Black, wonder what Lily will think when she hears what you just called her."

"I was not calling her that! That's what your people think about girls like her." Black hissed, his speech a little slurred.

"My people, Black? Who are my people?"

"Those Death Eater friends of yours!" Sirius grabbed for Harry, who began to wail. Harry clutched Severus's robes in his hands. This posed a bit of a problem. The more Sirius attempted to get Harry to let go, the tighter Harry held to Severus's robes, nearly choking Severus. Suddenly, Black's hair turned bright red.

"Okay, enough, Black. Just leave the kid already before he either rips my robes or chokes me to death."

Black rolled his eyes. 

"Like your red hair?" Severus's lip curled. Black grabbed at his hair. "I guess Lily doesn't have to worry about her kid being a squib."

"Fuck you, Snivellus." Black started to walk away, but was quickly joined by Court Tate and Randall Turner, two men a year his junior who were in Gryffindor during their Hogwarts years. 

“Claim to be a reformed Slytherin, huh?” Tate asked and pulled out his wand. 

"You know as well as I do that I could take you in a duel. All of you. I suggest you not even try." Severus hissed.

"Is that a threat, Snivellus? Do you want to duel?" Turner asked. 

"No, Turner, I don't. I was only making a statement."

Tate grumbled to himself and put his wand away. "Just give us Harry." He reached for him, but Harry's eyes grew wide and he clutched Severus's robes tight against his neck, half choking Severus. 

"I don't think he wants you." 

Tate took a step forward, his face growing white with fury and pulled out his wand again. Harry buried his face into Severus's robes and whimpered. This noticeably sent all three men over the edge.

"I don't know who you are or what you think you are doing, Snivellus, but we won't let it happen? I swear to you, I won't allow it." Turner snapped. 

"What are rambling about, Turner? You know perfectly well who I am or did the wassail you all have been consuming at rapid speed cause you to have a memory lapse?"

"No." Tate flicked his wand. Whatever the spell was, Severus stopped it in anger.

"Trying to hex me, were you, Tate? Are you forgetting Harry here is attached to my neck?" Harry's arms were wrapped tightly around Severus's neck. Severus really wanted to put the kid down, but at the same time, he knew they wouldn't do any serious harm while Harry was attached to him. 

Tate pointed his wand at Severus's face. "You are nothing, Severus. You will never be one of us, got it. I want you to stay away from us."

"You don't have that say. If you wish for me to stay away from you all though, that can arranged and I won't feel the slightest regret."

None of them had noticed that Lily had shown back up and was watching them nervously nor did they notice any of the others now watching. Lily approached them.

"Guys, don't start, please. People are looking." She pointed at some of the others. Severus handed Harry to Lily.

"He turned Black's hair red." Severus told her. "So, you don't have to worry about him being a squib."

"Really? His first bit of accidental magic?" She said, surprised, but thrilled. She didn't get the chance to say anything more because Tate made his move, catching Severus off guard. Severus found himself choking on soap bubbles. He pulled out his wand and Lily reached for hers. Turner saw him and attempted an expelliarmus, but Severus was quicker, and Turner was flung backward. Some women screamed. Lily yanked her wand out. 

Severus undid Tate's curse and got to his feet. Turner picked himself up as well and flung another curse at Severus. Severus was prepared this time and the curse rebounded to Turner, who blocked it. 

"Stop it, all of you!" Lily shouted as Severus sent a hex at Turner, her wand pointed at Turner. "I will hex you, Turner." 

Turner smirked, "You will, will you?" 

Severus shot back at Turner, who blocked it and Tate’s eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped slightly. Severus raised an eyebrow, a bit confused. He'd only tried a simple hex.

"That's it, Snivellus, you really are one of them, trying those curses on us!" Tate snapped. 

"I didn't do anything harmful to you, but that can be arranged if you want."

"Everyone wants to see you fail. You were meant to fail, just like all Slytherins.” Tate sneered. 

"Is that so, Tate? That's what you wanted to see, huh? Me fail? How pathetic." 

He pointed his wand at Severus again. "I know what are really after. Leave, drop this whole act or I'll spill your secret.” 

More people had gathered and were listening now, even if some pretended not to be.

"You know a secret about me, Tate? Really? I was unaware I had an agenda or a secret." Severus gave Tate a sardonic smile. 

"Are you going to leave us all alone or not?" Turner asked with a huff. 

"I will gladly leave you alone, if you chose not to bother me either."

"Oh, do we bother you?" Tate looked almost giddy about the prospect that he bothered Severus.

"Yes, like annoying gnats that keeps trying to get into your eyes."

Turner huffed bitterly. "Just go back to your Death Eater pals and leave the rest of us be. I don't care how you came to be on our side, but no one trusts you nor do they want you here."

"I'm not going anywhere, Turner, so get over yourself."

"Fine, then I'll tell everyone your secret.” Severus looked at Tate curiously. He even saw Black give a side-eye to Tate. Lily, who had had put her wand away, moved her hand back towards it with raised eyebrows. “You want her. You always did. You liked her back in school. I saw how you looked at her, how you still look at her even today.” 

"I want _her_?" Severus asked, acting as if he had no idea who Tate was speaking of.

"Lily. Severus likes her. He always did. That's why he hated Potter so much." Tate was speaking to everyone now.

"No, I hated Potter because he was an arrogant, egotistical bully."

"Of course, he liked Lily, they used to be friends, remember." Lupin said, stating what seemed like the obvious.

"No, Remus. He didn't just like her. He had a crush on her. I know he did. You like Lily, Snivellus, admit it. You only joined us to get to her."

"Don't be stupid, Tate." Severus had no idea how Tate knew that he liked Lily, but he wasn't trying to win her like a prize. He did like her, but she had neither known nor reciprocated.

"You know it is true." 

Severus could feel all eyes on him. He put up his occlumency shields before continuing. Lily wasn't the only reason he joined the Order, but she was certainly the reason he decided to switch sides in the first place.

"Come on, Court, be realistic here." A young man said. Severus didn't know his name but knew he had gone to Hogwarts with them. He thought he was a year older but couldn't recall. He remembered him from the Quidditch games. "He was a Slytherin, remember. He wouldn't have liked Lily that way."

“Oh, he did. In the end, he lost. He chose the Death Eaters and Lily chose Potter." Tate said as if proud. "He probably told Voldemort where they were in the hopes that Potter would die, and he could have Lily."

"That makes about as much sense as selling snow to Norwegians in winter." Severus responded. 

"Leave it, Court. Let it go." Lupin said, trying to calm him down to no avail.

"GET OUT!" Turner called and flicked his wand at Severus, who blocked the hex.

"Attempting my own spell on me, Randall? Are you really that dense to think I wouldn't see it coming. I invented that spell!"

"Evus." Harry said suddenly. This caused everyone to turn to Harry. Severus turned as well, a bit shocked that Potter's kid had attempted, albeit poorly, to say his name. That second of non-vigilance gave Tate and Turner a chance to strike again. Severus suddenly found himself wand-less. He turned to them.

"Acc-" He started, but found himself thrust backward, bound in ropes and covered in boils before he could finish the sentence. 

“Stop this at once!” An older man with a cane came rushing over with his wand out. Lily pulled her wand out instantly. 

"Now, that's payback." Tate leaned over Severus and grabbed his left arm. "I'll prove you aren't on our side." Lily had rounded her wand on Tate. 

"Courtney, that will be enough!" Dumbledore shouted as he entered the room. 

Tate turned to Dumbledore before letting go of Severus's arm. Severus took this moment and accioed wand came to him. He undid the spells and aimed his wand at Tate, prepared for revenge when he heard others talking.

"Do you think he has the mark?"

"I bet he does. Did you see the look of panic on his face?"

"I don't think he's reformed. I bet he curses Tate." Severus put his wand down and turned to Dumbledore.

"Is there anything else you need from me, Dumbledore?" 

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, Severus."

"Then I have overstayed my welcome. Accio Cloak." He called. His cloak came to him and he threw it on. He turned and walked out of the living room, thrust open the door and slammed it shut. Lily watched him leave.

"Good, now we can all relax." Lily turned to Turner. He looked at her. She shook her head. "What?" Her eyes bore into his. "Oh, come on, Lily, don't tell me you are taking his side?"

"Yes." She said without hesitation. "All of you need to stop this stupid grudge and grow up already!" Lily pointed her wand and cleaned up Harry's toys and accioed the bag.  
"Lily-"

"I don't want to hear it!" She yelled at him. "We are leaving. Thanks for the evening, Remus and Happy Christmas. The dinner was lovely, and we appreciated it." 

He nodded to her with a smile. "Thanks for your help with food prep and cleaning up the aftermath. We enjoyed your company. Merry Christmas."

"Lily, don't you dare go with him. He'll harm you. I don't trust him." Turner said. 

"What do you think he'll do to me, Randall?"

"I don't know, all that Dark Arts crap he knows, I hate to find out."

"He won't harm me. He's on our side. You are being paranoid."

"How do you know he won't do anything? He likes you, it is so obvious." Tate answered. 

"Oh, for crying out loud, Court, he won't do anything. Get a hold of yourself." Court grabbed her arm as she turned to the door. She jerked it away. "Don't touch me, Courtney."

"I agree with Court and Randall, Lily.” Sirius spoke up. “You can get your own place. There is no reason to stay with him. Why would you unless you like him too? Do you like him like that?"

"No!" She said in exasperation. "Just stop the nonsense. His home is the safest place for us right now. He's not going to give us up. If he was on the Death Eater's side, both of us would be dead already, so give it a rest. Good night, and Happy Christmas everyone." She opened the front door.

"Lily-" Sirius started. 

"I said good night!" She left the house, nearly slamming the door on the way out.


	11. Old Grudges Die Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus's day may get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will likely start to slow down, but will still be updating. Expect a hiatus in late summer/early autumn as I hopefully will be out of the country and settling into my new-ish life with my SO. Goal is to return to the public sector for the coming school year so it will be a busy time. For now though, each of my stories will be updated about once a week to every other week hopefully.

**Chapter Eleven: Old Grudges Die Hard**

Lily slowly opened the front door and went inside the house. She quietly closed the door and set Harry down. She took off her coat, as well as Harry's. Lily debated on whether to go upstairs and give Harry a bath and put him to bed or to find Severus and make sure he was okay. She wasn't sure why she didn't think he was okay. He was an adult and could handle himself just fine, but the evening had turned out so awful, she was uneasy.

She decided to just see if he was in the kitchen or his lab before she took Harry upstairs. Lily picked Harry up and went into the kitchen. She found Severus sitting at the end of the table, an empty glass in front of him. His hands were over his face. Lily looked around the room. A few things had been broken. She sat Harry down on a chair and uneasily approached him. She slowly touched his shoulder. He jumped like a rocket and caused her to jump back in fright as well. He turned to her.

"Oh, it's just you. Sorry."

"Who else would it be?" She asked with a small chuckle. He shrugged. "Are you doing okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He said this as he rubbed his temple with both hands.

"Well, because of this evening."

"Don't remind me. I want to forget about it." She took her hand and pushed his hair back behind his hair. He didn't flinch, though he was a bit surprised by her touch.

"They were way out of line, accusing you of all those things." She sat down in the chair beside him.

"Well, some of them were true."

"And some of them weren't, but it doesn't matter because it wasn't their place to say those things."

"I am a Death Eater or was one anyway. He nearly blew everything."

"Yes, and I plan on giving them all quite of an earful when they sober up. I think everyone was just having a bad day. I mean the holidays do tend to remind us of our losses and we’ve lost a lot of people this year." 

Severus put his right hand down and looked at her. "I'm sorry, Lily. I guess today is probably difficult for you."

"I am managing, but yes, it is a little hard. I know that it will get easier. I still grieve for James, but I have to be strong for Harry."

"Harry was definitely one of the problems tonight." Severus said, changing the subject from James.

"Harry is only 16 months old! How could any of it be his fault?"

"Your kid has taken a liking to me." He grumbled. 

Lily smiled. "Well, he does see you every day, you aren't mean to him, so he has no reason not to like you." 

Severus scoffed. "Yes, how cute. Harry liking me isn't making your old Gryffindor pals happy. Your kid prefers me to his godfather. He prefers me to James’s old friends. It's one of the reasons they were all so ticked off at me tonight."

"There is little we can do about that. I can't force him to prefer anyone and I don't have a problem with Harry liking you. I do wonder if he'll begin to see you as more. That does worry me a bit. I hope he doesn't end up thinking you are his father." She looked over at her son, who was scribbling on a piece of paper with a crayon. 

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Don't even joke."

"I wasn't. Babies and toddlers, they get attached to people easily. My only concern is him growing too attached and then us leaving."

"I don't think you have to worry about Potter's kid growing too attached to Snivellus."

"Don't call yourself that stupid, childish nickname." She snapped at him. 

He stared at her in shock. "Tell that to Black and Tate and Turner."

"I have, just like I told them this grudge between everyone has to stop." 

Severus scoffed. 

"I mean it. We are all adults now and it is time everyone grew up and settled their differences."

"I will never like them."

"You don't have to like them. You never have to be friends. That's not what I am saying." She huffed. "But you all were ready to curse each other and fight to the death. That must stop. We are all in the Order, we are all on the same side, so stop the nonsense. It's well past time you put your differences aside and moved on. The past is the past. What's done is done and it is time to move forward."

Severus sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, grumbling to himself. "They started it."

"Oh, stop acting like a child. It doesn't matter who started it, does it? If they won't end it, then you need to end it first." Severus opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted. "Without a duel and without cursing each other into oblivion, if possible."

"Oh, fine, but they need to apologize first."

Lily sighed. "Okay, but they'll have to be the one to make that move. I can't force anyone to apologize. If any of them apologizes to you sincerely, I recommend you apologize as well."

"Me?"

"Yes. You all have caused grievances toward one another and you all need to apologize to each other and end this nonsense already."

He thought a moment. "Fine. If any of them apologizes first, I will return the favour."

"That's all I ask." Lily sighed. "I'll be back in a minute." She got up and left the room and he heard her shut the bathroom door. He turned to Harry, who was still scribbling. Harry looked up at him. Severus looked away toward the clock on the wall.

"Eight o'clock, that's it? This day is never going to end." He said out loud. He took some money out of his pocket. "Three galleons, what a bonus." He said sarcastically.

"Tree." Harry said. Severus turned back to Harry, who was still watching him.

"Three." Severus corrected.

"Tree."

"Eh, forget it." He sighed. "You know kid; you need to stop growing attached to me." Harry looked at him, his head slightly cocked. "It's not a good thing. People will get suspicious, okay?"

"Okay." He clapped his hands.

"You didn't understand a word I just said, did you?" Harry shook his head. Severus let out a stiff laugh and sighed. "I have officially lost my mind. I am trying to reason with a one-year-old." The bathroom door creaked open and Lily entered the kitchen a moment later.

"Okay, kiddo, time to give you a bath and see if I can't get the rest of that pudding out of your hair." She lifted Harry from the chair. "I'll be back." She smiled at Severus.

"No hurry." She left the room with Harry and he got up from the chair. He looked around at the vase, chair and plate that were lying broken on the floor. Sometimes he let his temper get the best of him. Severus pulled out his wand and fixed his mess. After it was clean, he pulled down his sleeve and looked at the pale mark on his left arm.

He wanted nothing more than to get rid of the mark and end it all, but at the same time, he didn't want it to end. He hoped it would never end. It was a conflict within himself. He wanted the peace and sanity of being free, but at the same time he liked that he had Lily in his life again. Severus only had her in his life until the war ended. After that, they could be acquaintances, but being stuck together like this, it had changed something in him. She made him feel human, alive. He hadn't even realized just how much he really missed her company. He had been so stupid for letting his friendship end over the Death Eaters.

A loud thunk emerged from his living room and he quickly covered the mark. He heard someone clear their throat and he turned his head toward the doorway. "In the kitchen." He said, knowing full well who had shown up.

Sure enough, Dumbledore entered the kitchen. "I just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine." Severus snapped.

"Well, I wanted to make sure. I apologize for everyone giving you such a rough day."

"You mean Tate? The boils are almost all gone."

"He should not have done that. I will be speaking to him tomorrow, once he's sobered up and able to reason with me."

"It won't make a difference." He sighed "Lily wants us to stop the fighting."

"I agree with her. It is well past time you all put all this behind you. Some wounds do run deep, but it does no good to keep scratching at the surface. No healing can occur that way. It is vital to leave it alone and let it begin to mend."

"Most deep wounds leave scars."

"Yes, sometimes, but scars fade over time. You know, you and Sirius are a lot more alike than you think. You are both bitter about your upbringings and you both hate what the other has. In some ways, you both are jealous of one another." Severus raised an eyebrow. He was jealous of Black? Black was jealous of him? How absurd.

"I know what you are thinking, and it is not absurd. He hates that you have such a strong position in this war, and he knows how important your job is to all of us. He doesn't have that. You see him as everything you weren't. He was popular, wealthy, outgoing, and got away with more than he should have in school. Part of that fault lies with me, I know."

"That doesn't make us alike."

"Oh, but it does. You are both bitter about your lives. You were both mistreated and neglected by your parents, the very people who should have loved and cared for you unconditionally. Once Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, he became a traitor to his family, and they did not wish to care for him any longer. He was treated unkind and was all but neglected by them. He ran away from home at 16. You did the same thing right after you graduated. You ran away from home. Neither of you wanted to look back, but both of you ended up right back in the very places that made your life a living hell. The one difference was that Sirius had someone to turn to: James Potter. James had loving, doting parents who cared about him and loved him unconditionally. They gave their only son everything he ever wanted. They welcomed Sirius into their home and took care of him as if he was another son. You did not have anyone to turn to when things got bad at your house." Severus didn't like hearing that he and Black had anything in common besides both being wizards. They were polar opposites.

"James was Sirius's refuge. Yours sadly became the Death Eaters. I know you hated James for many of the same reasons you hated Sirius. He had everything you didn't, and you hated him for it. He wasn't kind to you, so the feeling of hatred was mutual. I do think he was a bit jealous of you as well, but that's not important right now. He had a happy childhood, loving parents, many friends and admirers, athletic skills, the ability to openly admit his feelings to the girl he loved, a happy ending in a way."

"Are you trying to point out all my faults or are you trying to make some sort of asinine point?" Severus asked bitterly.

"Your mother married one of the worst kinds of muggles and she allowed herself to become hollow inside from the abuse. They were so consumed by their own problems; they neglected you, their only child. Both of your lives have been dramatically altered by the same things, but you chose different methods of escape and different paths at first. Now your paths have crossed again. You both are going in the same direction. Neither of you have had the chance to live a normal, happy childhood and neither of you have been given the chance at a normal adult life and neither of you know if you ever will get that chance. You are both just fighting to stay alive and to keep the ones you care about and love alive."

Severus scoffed. "I only care about keeping my sanity and helping end this war." 

It was Dumbledore's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Really? There is no one you care about enough to keep alive? That’s not what you told me. Now, you are claiming there is no one you love enough to do whatever it takes to keep them alive?" 

Severus swallowed. He knew Dumbledore meant Lily. "I want to keep her alive, yes."

"Keep her alive?" Severus huffed. He really hated it when Dumbledore pretended to play dumb.

"Yes, her. You know this. We were friends and I don't want to see her killed by anyone, let alone a Death Eater."

"Just friends?"

"Don't tell me you believe Tate? You compare me to Black, but none of that explains Tate or Turner’s issues with me?"

"Severus, I may be old, but I am far from naïve." Severus had no idea where Dumbledore was going with this. He wondered if Dumbledore had some sort of mission he wanted Severus to do and if he was trying to remind Severus of the reason he had turned to Dumbledore in the first place. “Mr. Tate and Mr. Turner attached themselves to Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. Suppose they are much like them. Tate grew up in a family like Black’s, but not of the same ilk. Turner is much like Peter, though not quite as much of a tag-a-long. Still with the same desire to belong and fit in somewhere. Not unlike yourself.”

Severus scoffed. “Where is all this going?” 

Dumbledore appeared to ponder this a moment. "I know you really care about her. I believe you told me two years ago that you would do anything to keep Lily safe."

"What do you want me to do?" He said, unenthusiastically.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Nothing, my boy. I just wanted to speak with you. There is nothing up my sleeve."

"Then where is this going?"

"Nowhere in particular. I am just a curious person." Severus refused to believe this conversation had no purpose. Dumbledore always a purpose in his talks. "I trust you completely and I know that Lily and Harry are safe here."

"I won't harm them."

"I know that. What I want to know is the truth?" Severus raised an eyebrow again. "Do you truly like Lily?"

"Well, she's a nice person. I have no reason not to like her." Severus knew he was skirting the issue.

"Yes, she is kind person, but that's not what I meant. I think we both know there’s always been more to this than friendship.” 

"What?"

"I always suspected you did, but I want to know if you like her as more than a friend. Do you have feelings for her beyond friendship?" Severus wasn't sure how to answer the man. "It won't change the arrangement, but I'd like to know." Severus tried to look baffled. "It makes sense as to why you are so keen on protecting her."

"Well, she's a good friend. I like her as a friend. Why would I want any harm to come to a friend?" He could feel himself faltering as he evaded the issue. He was making himself vulnerable. He was more controlled than this and needed to get it together. Where were his occlumency shields? Dumbledore smiled at him in a way that Severus didn't like. It was obvious that Dumbledore saw right through him.

"It always made sense regarding the animosity between the two of you.” 

Severus glared at the man. “Animosity between who?" 

“You’re in love with Lily, aren’t you, Severus?” Severus swallowed hard. He was not one to openly admit how he felt about anything and he certainly wasn't ready to admit to anyone his feelings for Lily. Severus turned away and looked at his clock again. It was nearing eight-thirty. Just then, they heard Lily coming down the stairs.

"I guess I'll take that a yes, Severus." 

Severus could feel the heat rising in his face. He hoped he wasn't blushing. Lily entered the room.

"How is everything, Lily?" Dumbledore asked, giving Severus a moment to compose himself in her presence.

"Fine. Harry's asleep. It must have been a long day for him. He was out like a light within minutes."

"Well, we all had a rough evening."

"Yes. Did Severus tell you Harry did his first bit of accidental magic on Sirius? He gave Sirius red hair." She grinned. Severus's lip curled. Dumbledore looked happy.

"Really? Harry was the one who did that to him? Why did he do that?"

"Ask Severus. I missed it happening." Dumbledore turned to Severus.

"Yes, well, wasn’t much of anything. Sirius just got mad that Harry wouldn’t go to him. Harry wasn't having any of it and got pissed off at Black, causing his magic to kick in. Quite frankly, I am beginning to wonder if he isn't charmed to look like Potter and he really belongs to someone else." 

Lily looked at him in shock. "No, and I don't take kindly to being thought of as a tramp."

"You know that's not what I meant. I meant-I mean-I'd never think of you that way. It was only a joke." Severus caught a glimpse of a gleam in Dumbledore's eye. "Sorry."

"Forget it. I know what you meant. I'm just happy that Harry is a wizard. This means Harry will be able to go to Hogwarts after all." She was beaming.

"Of course he will and Severus here might be lucky enough to teach him." Dumbledore said. Lily looked confused.

"What?"

"Oh, didn't Severus tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I guess not. I'll let Severus field this one."

Lily turned to Severus. "Well, um, I applied for a position as a professor at Hogwarts last year, but didn't get the job. I wanted the Defence against the Dark Arts position, but Professor Dumbledore says there’s a different position at the school he would like me to take." Dumbledore gave a nod. "Anyway, Professor Slughorn was supposed to retire last year, but he decided to stay a bit longer. He is set to retire this summer and Professor Dumbledore wants me take his position in the fall."

She blinked, but was smiling. "Really? You are going to be a professor at Hogwarts?"

"Yeah, well, I don't have much choice. The apothecary isn't exactly the best place to work, though it pays enough. Not much, but enough to live by. The professor position doesn't pay much more really, but the hours are better, and the security is more stable. The apothecary isn't exactly safe. It keeps getting broken into often, so I really need a new job. Besides, the current owner doesn't like my position with the Dark Lord. He thinks I'm not on his side." 

"But you aren't on his side." Lily spoke. 

"You know that, and I know that, but the Dark Lord doesn't. I can't have Death Eaters believing I'm not on his side." Lily cringed at his use of the name the Dark Lord. Severus noticed. "You-Know-Who wanted me to apply last year, so the other Death Eaters will believe I am doing his bidding.

"So you are going to be the new potions professor?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I guess, if Slughorn retires."

"Well, that's great.” She smiled at him. “Potions were your best subject."

He shrugged. "It's a job and it is a much safer environment to work in."

"Yes, Hogwarts is protected. I think you will be a great Potions professor.” 

Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Well, I'll be going. I will check in again in a few weeks, but I'm always available if you need me." Dumbledore turned to Severus. "And Severus,"

"Yes?"

"Go easy. Give it time. Things may actually work in your favour. Good things come to those who wait." He winked and turned to leave the room.

"Sir?" Dumbledore turned back to Severus. "I'd rather you not mention this to anyone else." Dumbledore smiled and gave a nod. He disappeared into the living room. A moment later, they heard a pop and a rush of flames.

"What was he talking about?" Lily asked Severus. "Has he given you an assignment?"

"Not exactly." Severus knew what Dumbledore was talking about. He had blown it. He hoped Dumbledore would keep that knowledge to himself.

Lily was looking at Severus. He seemed nervous and she could tell he was trembling a little.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" 

Severus jerked his mind away from his thoughts. "No, why?"

"You aren't acting like yourself. You seem tense." She put her hand on his trembling one. His throat suddenly went dry and he choked. He wasn't composing himself well. The squabble with the former Gryffindors had thrown him off. That had to be the problem. He needed to get a hold of himself. He reluctantly pulled his hand away as his heart started to pound in his chest. 

"I, um, I'm going to go work on some of the potions I need to do, you know, for work, because I have to work tomorrow." He arose from his chair and left for his lab off the kitchen. 

She watched him leave, completely puzzled by his behaviour. She shook her head with a huff and left the kitchen. She would never understand men.


	12. Trouble Lurks Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A seemingly normal winter evening turns sour.

**Chapter 12: Trouble Lurks Ahead**

_Early February 1982_

"I knew we shouldn't have gone out yesterday to the winter festival. Now he's sick." Lily said as Harry coughed hoarsely.

Severus sighed. "He just coughed, Lily.” He looked at Harry, who was laying on the carpet with his hands tucked under him. Harry’s eyes were a little watery and his face slightly flushed. 

Lily touched Harry’s cheeks. "He feels a little warm." She looked nervous. "Maybe I should take him to the doctor at St. Mungo's."

"Oh, come on, he's not that sick. It’s most likely a common cold. Even the muggle doctors can’t do much with a cold. He'll be fine." 

"Feel his forehead. He's burning up." Severus sighed again, got up and touched Harry's forehead. "See?"

"He feels a little warm, but I don't think it is that serious. I wouldn't worry. I think it’s just a cold." Harry coughed again a couple times. 

"What if it isn’t? What if he caught something serious? What if it is the pox or something?"

"I don't think it’s any pox. He doesn't appear to have any spots." Severus huffed at her anxiety. "Would it make you feel better if I ran a diagnostic on him?"

"Oh, right. I forget about the spell. I'll do it." Lily felt around for her wand. "Where's my wand?"

"On the table. You just set it there a minute ago."

"Oh, right." It surprised him how nervous she seemed about her kid being sick. She was always so composed, yet she was ready to fall apart over a cough and a slight fever. She grabbed her wand and did the spell. "He is congested a little, but he does have a fever of 37.7 degrees Celsius. It says he has a cold."

"Well, see, it’s cold. That's not anything to worry about and that fever is slight. He'll be okay."

"I know, you're right. I'm just, it's, I don't know." She sighed. "I'm being paranoid, I know, you don't need to tell me."

"I didn't say you were paranoid."

"But you were thinking it." 

He smirked. "You do seem a bit nervous."

"I guess I just worry something will happen to him. I just, if I lost him, I don't know, I couldn't, I couldn't bear it." She sat down on the couch, putting Harry on her lap. "He's all I've got really. He's the last bit of family I have." Harry coughed again, his cough growing wet.

"A cold won't kill him. A little pepper-up and he'll be better in a few days."

Lily sighed. "No, but he needs rest to get better. Maybe I should put him to bed for the night."

"It's only five. He just got up from his nap less than two hours ago. Though he’s lounging around, I doubt he'll sleep."

"Oh. It feels much later." She sighed. "Maybe I should make dinner."

"How about I order take away at one of those muggle food places and not worry about it?" 

She smiled. "Okay."

"There's a fish and chips shop up the road or I can go to one of those sandwich shops? Or perhaps a curry?"

"I think I'd like a sandwich."

"Are you hungry now or do you want me to wait?"

"A little bit, but I'm not starved."

"Me either, but I may as well go get the food before it gets too busy." Severus got up and headed to the door. "What kind of sandwich would you like?"

"Ham is fine." 

He nodded and went out into the cold February air. Darkness was approaching and the bare trees swayed and creaked in the wind. A shiver ran up his spine as he walked up the road into town a few blocks away. 

When he arrived in town, he noticed that there weren't many people around. It seemed quiet, perhaps a little too quiet for his liking and it made him a bit uneasy. Severus saw that part of the area was blocked off and that there were police cars up ahead. He figured some teen thugs had caused trouble or there was a robbery. Robberies weren't unusual in the area. He arrived at the sandwich shop and noticed that it was empty. He looked back at the sign. It was open.

"Anyone here?" He asked. A man shot up from behind the counter.

"Please, don't hurt us." Severus raised an eyebrow. "If you want the money, just take it and go."

"What? I don't want to rob you. I just wanted a couple sandwiches."

"Oh. Okay." The man looked around Severus suspiciously. "What would you like?"

"Two ham sandwiches." The man made the sandwiches quickly, still trembling and handed Severus the food. Severus handed him some money. A car engine roared and let out a loud pop. The man jumped like a ball out of a canon. "They're back!"

Severus was baffled by the muggle's behaviour. "Who's back?"

"Those strange people, evil was in their eyes I tell ya, the devil was in them. They wore masks and robes. There were explosions, people out there demanding information and wanting something called muggles. I saw them, they were hurting people, I think they killed some of `em." 

Severus swallowed hard. He knew it had to be Death Eaters. What were the Death Eaters doing here in Cokeworth? He had to find out where they were headed. "Where did they go?"

"I don't know. On up town, I think."

"Dammit!" Severus yelled. The man looked shocked. "Who were they looking for?"

"I couldn't really hear them. I think it was a flower name like Rose, but I don't remember. I just saw them kill those people. The police showed up after they left, didn't catch `em." 

A surge of panic raced through him. "Lily?" Severus swallowed, hoping that would be the wrong guess.

"Yeah, that was it." 

Severus grabbed the counter as his breathing grew constricted. They were after Lily, but how did they find her? Did they know she was here or was it just a guess? It was then he remembered she was home alone. If they saw her in his home, they would all be dead. Severus bolted out of the door and up the street. When he rounded the corner toward the park, he saw them. Three of the Death Eaters were coming his way. He pretended not to see them and walked on. He hoped beyond hope they wouldn't recognize him. He didn't want to be roped into the hunt for Lily and Harry. He needed to get home and see to it that Lily was okay: Harry too for that matter.

"Snape?" It clearly wasn't Severus's lucky day. He slowly turned toward the voice. Mulciber pulled off his mask. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"Did you come to join us?"

"Join you?" Severus asked.

"Yes, we are looking for the Potter kid and his mudblood mother." Avery said and gave Severus a confused look while Severus tried to not cringe. "If you aren't helping us then why are you in this god-forsaken muggle town?"

"I was going home." Mulciber looked at him strangely. "I live a few miles from here. I came into town for food."

"Oh, that’s right.” Mulciber sneered. “Almost forgot you reside among the filthy muggles.” 

“I like a low profile.” Severus jeered. 

“You shopped at a muggle food place?" Stark asked with a scoff as he stared at the bag in Severus’s hand. 

"Yeah, well, I was tired of cooking. Food is food."

"Where are your house-elves?"

"He doesn't have house-elves. He is a half-blood, remember?" Severus knew that voice that was approaching the group. One of his least favourite people. "His father was a muggle." 

Severus gave Bellatrix a disparaging smile. 

"So, you want to join us? We found out that the mudblood grew up here, figured she might be back here with her muggle parents." Avery smirked. "And scare a few of the stupid, filthy muggles while we are at it."

"Her parents are dead." He said flatly. 

"How do you know that?"

"Shut it, Avery, you know he was once friends with the mudblood. Anyway, we figured she might be living here in this pathetic muggle village hiding out." Severus didn't say anything.

"Have you spoken to your old friend lately?" Avery asked him.

"We haven't spoken since fifth year. I just know her parents died a few years ago, so this seems like a waste of time.” He internally gulped as his heart pounded. 

"So, you don't know where she is hiding?"

"No idea.” He stared at them coldly. “She probably left the country after you killed her husband. It's what people in hiding tend to do."

"We are still going to look here first. Which way did she live?" 

Severus sighed and pointed up the road at the row houses. "She grew up in one of those houses, but she won't be there. Some other muggle family lives there now. Wasting your time here." Severus rubbed his forehead. "Look, I am tired and feeling a bit under the weather. A bit of a cold coming on." He cleared his throat as if about to cough. "So, I think I'll skip the witch-hunt tonight and go on home." He joked, however none of them seemed to get it.

"Okay, but you are missing out." They headed toward the row houses nearby and he headed the other direction.

Once he was sure he was not followed he entered the house and shut the door, locking it back.

"Lily?" He asked, slightly concerned about her well-being, though he knew she was fine.

"Right her." He turned to see her in the living room. She was sitting by the fireplace in the old wicker rocking chair, gently rocking Harry. He shut the curtains. "What's the matter?"

"I met up with Avery, Mulciber, Stark, and Bellatrix in town. They are looking for you and Harry." A wave of panic hit her and she clutched Harry tighter to her chest.

"They don't know I'm here, do they?"

"No, they went the other direction, to where you grew up. They only know you grew up in Cokeworth. They don't know the exact house and they don't know where I live. Tried to tell them your parents had passed, but they were determined anyway." Lily stood up with Harry. 

"I have to get out of here." She said, suddenly. "We have to go. I can't risk it." Her heart began to race as her nerves got the better of her. She needed to get away from here. "I'll leave the country. It's not safe. If they find out you are here and what you have done. You betrayed them. You've lied to them and they will kill you if they ever knew you hid us. I can't risk it anymore. It's not safe for anyone." 

Severus put his hand on her shoulder. "Lily, breathe. You are safe here. There are charms on the house. There are extra protections on this place. They can't touch you unless they find out where you are, and they don't have the slightest idea. The Malfoys are the only ones who know where I live. You-Know-Who doesn't even know. I doubt they'll even come this way and they'll only see a muggle house if they do. They have no reason to suspect you are hiding in this house."

"It's not the fidelius and we aren't unplottable. What if they put a tracing charm on you or something? I can't trust them." She headed for the door. He couldn't let her leave. It was too dangerous. He grabbed her arm to stop her. Lily turned back, startled.

"Then trust me." He let go. She looked at his face, trying to read his expression. She could not tell if it was concern or something else. He almost looked terrified.

"I just don't know if this is such a good idea. I've appreciated everything you have done for us, but I can't put you in danger any longer."

"Everyone is in danger, Lily. We are in a war. I can't let you go out there when they are looking for a fight. They could be up the road for all you know. Please, just trust me. I won't let anything happen to you; I promise. I swear on my magic I'll protect you." 

Her jaw dropped. "What about Harry?"

"Yes, of course, I promise. I won't let anything happen to either one of you." At that moment, there was loud bang in the distance. Lily and Severus both jumped. They both ran for the window and peered out. At the end of the road, they could see four masked figures and several colourful sparks. Severus closed the curtains again.

"Oh, god. I thought you said they wouldn't come here."

"I didn't think they would. I think they are just messing around." Lily raised an eyebrow. "In a malevolent way, that is." 

Harry started to whimper, sensing the anxiety among the adults.

"What are we going to do? What if they come this way? What if we aren't so lucky and they find us by mistake?" 

Severus took out his wand and gathered up Harry's toys that were scattered across the living room. He put them away and flicked off the lights. The screams grew louder, and the bangs sounded closer. Severus took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"Come on. We'll make it look like no one is here."

She followed him to the kitchen.

"Mama." Harry said, clearly growing frightened by the tension. Lily held him closer. They could hear the voices growing louder.

"It sounds like there are several of them. Could all of the Death Eaters be coming this way?"

"No, I don't think so. My mark didn't burn, so this wasn't the Dark Lord's idea." He whispered.

"Are we safe? I mean, what if they find a way to break the charms in place. If they realize magic is on this house, they'll know wizards live here. They might guess I am hiding here if they already think I am in Cokeworth."

He shook his head. "No, most of them aren't intelligent enough to figure it out nor are they powerful enough to break the charms in place. I honestly doubt they are even looking for you anymore." 

Lily cringed in disgust as more screams emerged from outside. This time it sounded as if they were coming from the home next door.

"Oh, god. This is so sick. I don't even want to know what they are doing to those poor people."

"Come on." He opened his lab door and gestured her inside. "It's a secure room. I already have extra charms in place to keep your kid out.” 

She hesitated for a moment, but only a moment before going inside the lab. Harry started to go into a coughing fit. Lily rubbed his back. Severus closed the door.

"Lumos." He said and light emerged from his wand. Lily followed suit. "Salvus Securus." He waved his wand over the door, adding one more charm to keep the Death Eaters out.

"There are some candles over there by the cabinet. I'll look for the pepper-up for your kid." 

Lily lit a candle and kept the lumos on her wand. She sat down on an old wooden chair with Harry and used a handkerchief to wipe his runny nose. Severus found the potion and a clean dropper and handed it to Lily, who tried to squirt the liquid down Harry's throat. He kept turning his head, not wanting to take the medicine, making it difficult.

"I know it doesn't taste nice, but it'll make you feel better." She said, trying to soothe him. A huge bang erupted from outside. Lily gasped. The house was silent. Harry squirmed in Lily's arms.

"Down." He fussed. She set him down. Barely audible voices were heard outside of the home. Severus pressed his ear against the door.

"Can you hear them? What are they saying?"

"They don't think anyone is home, but they are going to look for the filthy muggles anyway, in case they are hiding." Lily cringed and Severus backed away from the door. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife as they both waited with bated breath to see what was going to happen.

Lily grabbed Severus's hand in a panic. He was startled by the touch but didn't try to remove his hand from her grasp. He doubted she even realized she was squeezing his hand with a death grip. He had to admit, if only to himself, that the situation was nerve-wracking. He wasn't really afraid for himself. He wasn't afraid to die. He didn't want to die, but he wasn't afraid of death. Severus was worried for Lily. He didn't want to see anything happen to her and he knew that if they caught her, they would kill her. She had defied the Dark Lord once again and he would not let anything stand in his way of getting to Harry this time. There was no way that Lily would stand idly by and let that happen. He knew Lily would die before she'd let the Dark Lord lay a finger on her son.

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze back. "If they somehow get past the charms, I want you to apparate to the Hogwarts grounds." She nodded and looked at him, realizing she was holding his hand rather firmly. Lily eased her grip but did not let go. "You have to trust me. I'll get you both out of here." She gave him a smile.

"I trust you, no matter what happens." She said as someone attempted to break the muggle locks on the front door and turn the doorknob. 

The attempts to get inside weren't working which meant the charms on the house were still holding to both Severus and Lily's relief. Severus hoped they would not realize that simple charms were on the house. It would not be hard to break a few of them, but a couple of the charms Dumbledore had put in place would take skill to shatter. Only a couple of the Death Eaters would have the expertise to do so. He hoped Lucius Malfoy wouldn't be among them. Lucius would know whose home this was, and he would have the skill to break those in place. Severus knew he was in serious trouble if the Malfoys were involved. Whoever was trying to break in had stopped. Lily let go of Severus's hand and got up from the chair.

"Do you think they will leave us alone now?" Before Severus could answer, they heard a loud bang.

"Nope, I think they just tried to blast the door off its hinges. Maybe I should take off some of the charms before they recognize that magic is preventing them from getting inside."

"What?! No, are you crazy?"

"If they come inside, they'll look around and see that no one is here and hopefully leave."

Lily gripped his wrist with a gasp. "What if they go upstairs and see where Harry and I are staying?"

Severus sighed. "They will only see a bed and a crib. They will think a family lives here, but no one is home."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "And what if they somehow inform Lucius Malfoy? He knows this house belongs to you and if someone let it slip about this location and that a family lived here, what then?"

"I don't think they will remember which house was which."

"But the Malfoys know you live here and they will know the area was attacked and he may wonder about you. I don't trust him not to give away your position.” Lily’s nostrils flared. 

"Don't worry. I doubt we are the only ones not home. Look, Lily, I have to do something before they get suspicious about why they can't get inside despite breaking all the locks. We can only hope they'll take a quick look and move on once they see no one is in here." Severus left the room and stood behind the doorway to the kitchen with his wand out. He whispered the counter spells to the charms and one by one they lifted. Severus completed the last counter as they started to get curious about why they could not get inside the muggle home and were contemplating magic. He re-entered the lab and turned to her as a crash occurred. The Death Eaters had entered the house. 

"Muffliato." Severus said and turned to her. "Lily, I want you to go on to Hogwarts. Go!"

"And you?"

"I'm fine, just go. If they see you and Harry, they will summon You-Know-Who and they will kill all of us. I can convince them I used the sound blocking charm or something." Lily grabbed his arm and turned him toward her. He was quite surprised at her actions.

"Like hell you are staying here! All it would take is for them to look upstairs or see that toy box in the corner of the living room and they would know you are hiding something or someone! They would automatically assume it was us and they would interrogate you! I don't doubt for one second they would hesitate to call You-Know-Who and he will kill you on the spot for disobedience!" They heard something smash and a couple voices. The Death Eaters were in the kitchen.

"Lily go, hurry, before they try to come in the room."

"Don't try and play the hero! You are useless dead!" Lily had grabbed Harry, who looked confused and then grabbed Severus's arm tightly. Before he could respond, he found himself tunnelling and they ended up outside the Hogwarts gates.


	13. Destruction on Spinner's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus return home after their escape from the Death Eaters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is still madness and I picture chaos in my classroom when my kids finally all return. For now, I'm enjoying all this free time. I'm getting stuff done. Continue to stay safe and well everyone.

** Chapter Thirteen: Destruction on Spinner’s End **

"Why did you do that?" He asked a bit aggravated that she had not listened to him.

"Do what? Save your life? I'm sorry." She said rather cold and propped Harry up against her hip. 

"Fine, you win. We are all safe. Happy?"

"Yes, actually I am." Severus wanted to be mad at her for not letting him handle this himself, but he couldn't be mad. Lily had just saved him in a way and he bit back a smirk thinking about the fact that she cared enough to do so.

"I still don't see why you bothered? I told you to go and leave me there."

"Oh, come on, Sev. You didn't honestly believe I was going to just obey you and leave you there now, did you? I thought you knew me better than that. We're friends and I wasn't about to let them harm you if I could help it."

"Don't get sappy." He said with a small smile.

"Me sappy? What about you trying to be Mr. Hero and save the woman and child?"

"You and the kid were the ones in danger, Lily, not me." He grumbled. 

"You were in danger as well and don't pretend otherwise." She snapped. 

"You want me to say thank you?"

"Yes, actually that would nice.” 

"Then thanks. We are safe. End of story." She smiled at him. "Now, what do we do? We can't get inside the castle and I doubt Dumbledore has any idea we are here."

"I guess we'll have to wait or walk around for awhile." Her stomach growled.

"I should have brought our food with us." He said. "Oh, well, it's sitting in that old fridge. We can eat it when we get back." 

Lily set Harry down. "I don't have a problem waiting, but Harry is sick and it is freezing. He's my concern."

"Well, no one is around. I figure they all must be at dinner. Put a warming charm on him. I think we are going to be stuck here awhile." Lily sighed and put a warming charm on Harry so he wouldn't feel the biting cold. They walked around the area, hoping someone would approach.

"Do you remember the time we snuck into the forbidden forest during second year just to see what was in there?"

He smiled. "Yes, and we didn't get very far because you freaked out."

"Oh, please, that was you." She half-scoffed. 

"No, it wasn't. I distinctly recall you telling me you wanted to go back." He half-heartedly glared at her. 

"Well, I recall you telling me we had gone far enough and we needed to get back." 

He let out a guffaw. "That's because you were getting scared."

"You were just as freaked out as I was by the creatures there." 

Severus looked up at the castle. "We were only 12. Imagine being worried about silly shadows. We had no idea of all the truly horrifying things that lay ahead of us, did we?"

"No." She sighed sadly. "Sometimes I miss those days. Everything was so much easier then. I often wonder what happened to them."

"Life did. We grew up in a world set to go to war."

"Yes." Lily looked over at Harry, who was pushing snow off the bushes nearby.

"Whatcha doin' out here?" A voice bellowed out. They both turned.

"Hagrid? Oh, thank god. Listen, we have to speak with Dumbledore. The Death Eaters are attacking a muggle town."

"Attacking muggles?" Hagrid asked and opened the gate. "How do I know it's really Lily Potter?"

Lily thought a second. "Remember in fourth year, you got bite by that water moccasin someone traded you illegally? He said it was a baby Leviathan. It took forever to find you a cure because it wasn't a magical snake at all, though it was still plenty deadly and quite aggressive. Severus and I brewed you the anti-venom potion." Hagrid thought a moment and sighed.

"Oh, alright, come in." Lily grabbed Harry and the three of them followed Hagrid into the castle and up to Dumbledore's office.

"Hagrid, what brings you here this evening?" Dumbledore asked.

"I found Lily Potter and some man by the gates. Says they has to speak to ya."

"Tell them to come in." Dumbledore said. Severus and Lily entered the room.

"Death Eaters are in Cokeworth." Lily blurted out. "They attacked Severus's home. They were looking for me, but were attacking the whole town in the process."

"Did they know you were there?"

"No, they wanted to attack the muggles that lived there."

"I'll send out a call for the Order."

"It may be too late. They may have already destroyed the whole town. I think they may have killed some of them." Lily gulped. “I think I saw the mark in the sky.” 

"Well, I'll send a few people anyway. Maybe they can round up a few Death Eaters." Severus and Lily waited while Dumbledore called for several Order members to assemble on Cokeworth.

Lily's stomach growled again. 

"Did you all have any dinner?"

"No, we had to hurry out." Severus answered. Dumbledore summoned a couple house-elves and they were given some food. After they had some nourishment, Dumbledore began to ask more questions.

"When did you realize they were in your town?"

Severus cleared his throat. "I had gone into town for food and found out they had been there from the shop owner. He didn't know they were Death Eaters, but he heard them say they wanted Lily and muggles."

"Did you see any Death Eaters in person?"

"Yes, and they recognized me. I said I was feeling unwell and wanted to go on home. I thought it was just four of them, but I was wrong."

"I'm guessing it wasn't planned out. Were all the Death Eaters involved?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't think so. My mark never burned."

"So this wasn't Voldemort's idea?"

Severus jutted his chin out slightly as he straightened in the chair. "No, I think a few of them wanted to try and find Harry. They probably hoped to be rewarded by the Dark Lord."

"Do you know how many there were?"

"No, but we saw at least five in Spinner's End." Severus said. "I don't know if someone else joined the fight or if there more of them involved."

"Did they see either one of you?"

"No." Lily stated. "We hid in the lab at first, but then they tried to break into the house. Severus countered all the charms in place."

"So they wouldn't recognize the magic in place, good thinking." Dumbledore said.

"He wanted Harry and me to come here and leave him there. I wouldn't allow it."

"Good. The place is still a secret then."

"If the place is still there, they may have destroyed it." Severus hoped not because that would leave them all without a place to be. 

Before Dumbledore could answer, someone burst into the room.

"Sturgis?"

"We got `em! Three Death Eaters: Avery, Rodolphus Lestrange and Nott. They were captured. The others escaped, but we got three of `em." He said, half panting. 

"That is great news. How's the town?" 

Podmore's face fell. "Not good. Several muggles have been injured or killed. There are fires and pipes bursting. The muggle people, po-polist and those people who get rid of fires with tubes that squirt water were there."

"The police and firefighters." Lily said. 

Sturgis nodded. "They think it was some kind of terrorism or somethin' like that."

"So they are gone? Does that mean we can back?" Lily bit her lower lip as she bounced Harry a little on her legs. He was entertaining himself with a shape inserter Dumbledore had given them during dinner. 

"Yes, it should be safe now."

"Thank you, Professor, for the food." Lily said. Severus nodded in agreement as they got up. They were both eager to see the place and yet dreaded what they might find.

Severus and Lily apparated to Cokeworth. Dumbledore came with them. They walked down Spinner's End toward the house and saw complete destruction. Every house had been damaged in some way. Lily looked up and saw the Dark Mark in the sky. She turned away, shaking her head in disgust. Some of the houses had fires that were still ravaging. Members of the Order were there helping stop the magical damage. People were yelling and crying as they searched for their friends and family. She cringed and a lump formed in her throat listening to the sorrow. 

When they arrived at the home, they gasped. The entire upper level had been blown up. "Do you think?" Lily swallowed, trying to ease her nerves. "Do you think they know who lived here?"

"No." Severus said. I think they tried to blow up the house intending to kill any muggles who were inside." Severus kicked through the rubble. What was left of the first level of the home creaked unsteadily. He pushed the tattered bits of the crib aside. Hardly anything was left. It appeared they must have aimed the curse directly above the room. He found bits of the toys and items here and there. Lily began to sort through the house with him.

She saw something brown in a corner and pushed some of the debris aside. She picked it up and laughed in surprise. "Severus?"

"What?"

"I found that bear you gave him. It was untouched, believe it or not."

Lily gave it to Harry, who was crying. He took it and clutched it tightly. He stopped whimpering. Severus and Lily managed to salvage a few things. Severus's lab stood untouched thanks to the charms in place.

"I think this place is beyond repair. It would be better to demolish it and start over." Severus said with a sigh.

"Well, you will need a place to stay until the fall. Harry and I can just move away, go into hiding."

"No, we are going to move you three into a new place. Tonight, however, you all can stay at the castle. There will be no need to move out of the country. You all just had some bad luck tonight." Dumbledore took his wand and banished the remains of the room Lily and Harry been in. "If the Malfoys or others come by here, they will not know you have been   
hiding-"

Severus suddenly grabbed his arm as it burned. He hissed out loud. Dumbledore stopped talking and turned to him. Severus summoned his robes that were in the untouched lab. "I have to go."

Lily became petrified. "Now? What if they know?"

"I can handle it, Lily." He turned on his heel and rushed down the street before turning a corner to apparate. 

Lily turned to Dumbledore nervously. "I hope they don't know. They will kill him and go on the hunt for us."

"I don't think they know. Severus can handle it. Let's go back to the castle for the night." Lily nodded, but internally her stomach churned her dinner with a deep ache. 

They apparated back to Hogwarts. Dumbledore transfigured three chairs in his office and turned one into a crib for Harry and the other two into cots for Lily and Severus.

"I'm afraid I don't have time to make up a room for you and Harry or Severus when he returns, and he will return." He said the last words to ease Lily's worry. "Hagrid is on the lookout to let him inside the castle grounds when he does." 

Lily sat in the other chair and gently rocked Harry to sleep. He was fighting it as he clutched the bear. "It's fine. Thank you." She sighed. "What about tomorrow?" 

"We are looking for a place for you three to stay."

She kissed the top of Harry’s head. "Maybe it would be best to just not bother Severus anymore. Let him live in peace, free of us."

"I prefer you all stay together."

"Why?"

"Because I think you all need each other right now. You need the adult company and companionship."

Lily got to her feet with Harry in her arms. "I am fine on my own and so is he."

"You can survive on your own, certainly, but you wouldn't be thriving. You have handled James's passing better than I thought you would and I think that is because you have had Severus to lean on. You have someone to relate to. He's been alone in this fight and you have given him the company and friendship he needs to get through his role in the war. You all need each other despite what you think. You two wouldn't be the same without each other right now. I have been watching and you have both grown as people because you have learned from one another. You have learned the meaning of forgiveness and second chances from your renewed friendship. I think it will be best to keep you two together, to care for each other and to care for Harry right now."

She turned to him after putting Harry into the transfigured crib. "I can't stay with him forever."

"Perhaps not, but while this war is going on, you all can help each other through it. He needs you Lily. You need him. Don't let go so easily and don't be afraid to get too close. I know it scares you. His life is on the line and you fear losing someone else you care about in this fight. This war will end eventually and you don't want to regret not having cared enough to get close." 

Lily looked at him, slightly puzzled, but she nodded as she patted Harry’s back. 

"It is past curfew here. All the students should be in bed. I think I am going to turn in for the night. I suggest you try and do the same." Dumbledore turned for his quarters. "Good night."

"Good Night, Professor." He disappeared. 

Lily watched Harry close his eyes before sitting on the cot. She couldn't sleep and waited up for Severus. It was almost an hour later before he arrived. Severus collapsed in the doorway. He slowly got to his feet.

"What happened? How did it go?"

"It was fine. He was mad because no one found you or Harry and at me for not joining the fight. They claimed to have killed several muggles. They said it was 100s, but I doubt it was that many." Severus pulled out a vile and drank a potion he had in his robes to counter the effects of the crucio. He lied down on the other cot. "He wants to up the ante and is looking again at villages that are known to have both wizards and muggles."

"Like Godric's Hollow?"

"Yep." 

Lily wasn't sure what to think or say. She knew they were in danger, but she hated being reminded how serious the situation was. It only served to rattle her nerves even more than they already were. Lily thought about what Dumbledore said and tried to think of way to get Severus out of the mess she had put him in. If she hadn't ran into him that day things would be different. He would not be in as much danger as he was right now. She knew she shouldn't shoulder the blame. He had agreed to help her and he said he didn't mind, but she figured he probably felt put out and just didn't want to say it.

She lay down on the cot and heard Fawkes sing. She smiled at the tender sound and took off her necklace, admiring the emerald stone. She could see the inclusions in the stone that told her it was a natural emerald. Lily clutched the necklace in her hand and turned to Severus, but he was already asleep. She sighed. She'd have to wait until morning to talk with him.

_0o0o0_

"Rise and Shine." Dumbledore said, waking Severus and Lily up. Harry did not wake up, however.

Lily grumbled. She had been up half the night with Harry as it was, and she wasn't quite ready to get up just yet. Severus mumbled a few incoherent words. Lily figured they probably weren't exceedingly kind. He had been woken up by Harry having coughing fits and crying half the night as well. 

"We have a new place for you all to stay, so we need an early start. Wizards work fast."

"Already? What did you do? Search half the night?" Severus asked. Dumbledore just smiled. "What time is it?"

"A quarter till six."

Severus groaned. "How about we start in a couple hours?"

"At least one more hour, please?" Lily pleaded, exhaustion still piercing her body.

"It appears to be a beautiful day." His voice was rather cheery and clearly annoyed Severus.

"Do you have to be so cheerful? Can't you be like a normal person and wake up grumpy?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "You two are acting like you are hung over."

"I feel like it." Severus said. "Lily's kid is sick. He was up half the night."

Lily nodded in agreement. "He has a bad cold."

"Even more reason to get you all in the house and settled. I think you will like this place. It is bigger than the last house. It has three bedrooms and a garage. I figured the garage could be turned into a lab for Severus. You all can each have your own room." 

Severus finally forced himself out of the bed slowly. "Where is the house located?"

"In Little Page."

"Over in Essex?" Lily asked.

"Yes. It is a nice neighbourhood. Good schools or so I am told. Not that it matters unless you intend to send Harry to a muggle primary school."

"I've thought about it, but he is only 17 months old. I think we will be somewhere else by then."

"Perhaps so." Dumbledore said with a grin. "Now, get up, clean yourselves up a bit and let's start getting some furniture into your new place. We will leave in thirty minutes. There is some breakfast is by my desk." 

Lily forced herself to get up while her body fought her to do otherwise. When Dumbledore disappeared into his quarters, Lily turned to Severus.

"Sev?" He turned to her as he grabbed a slice of toast. "Dumbledore wants us to stay together."

"I know."

"I told him it wasn't necessary. Harry and I would be fine, but he insisted." She sighed. "If you want us gone, just say so. I don't wish to bother you at all."

He half choked on the toast. "You don't bother me."

"Harry kept you up half the night. I'm sorry about that." It did annoy him that Harry kept waking up coughing, but it wasn't the worst thing that had ever kept him awake.

"It's fine. He'll get better soon. Besides, as said, we’ll have our own rooms tonight."

Lily swallowed her bite of toast hard. "You can take this place and we will go somewhere else if you want."

He half scoffed. "What would I do with a three-bedroom house? Especially if Slughorn does retire. The house will be empty for almost 10 months of the year. You can take the house."

"I don't need the place either if it is just Harry and I."

"Did Professor Dumbledore say why he wants us to stay together?"

"He says we need each other." 

Severus's eyes got wide. He nearly choked on his bite and forced down some juice as he coughed. He had a bad feeling about this. He didn't want to force her to stay if she didn't want to stay with him. He wasn't going to force Lily to like him.

"Well, if you want to go somewhere else, I understand. I know it must awkward. Living together."

"No, it's been fine, you've been great. I just don't want us to be a burden on you."

"You aren't. I promise."

She sighed. "So, you are okay with us staying awhile longer?"

Absolutely, he thought. "Yes, if it is okay that I stay with you as well." She gave a small smile.

"It's fine." She looked at him. "Voldemort doesn't have any idea where you used to live and no one knows you've been hiding us, do they?" Severus cringed a little at her use of the name.

"No. I wouldn't have made it back if he did." Severus said with a smile. Lily let out a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, you are still a secret." He joked a little.

"I hope so."

"We better finish getting ready." He got up and left the room. She looked over at Harry, who was still sleeping, before she followed suit.

The weather wasn't as beautiful as Dumbledore had said. The day was quite cold, and the overcast sky with dark clouds threatened precipitation. Shortly after touring the house, Lupin showed up to help them move in the stuff. A few other members arrived soon after with some various items to donate. It took longer than necessary because Lily and Severus were too tired to move fast. Lily had to stop a lot to keep Harry busy. He was still feeling ill and Lily spent half the time holding him and helping move things inside. Both were more thankful for magic than they had ever been before.

By noon, Lily was faring far worse than Severus. Her head grew heavy. Mucous began to run down to the back of her throat and caused her to cough. Her throat was sore, and her head started to ache. "I don't feel so well.” She told Severus as he helped her unload some kitchenware. “I think I am catching Harry's cold." She told them.

"Oh, it's probably just all the exposure to the cold air. We've spent half the day outside." Lupin insisted as he put a dining table together with his wand. Lily coughed again, trying to clear her throat. She wasn't so sure. "Come on, let's finish up and you can go take a nap. Some rest will help."

Around two they had finally succeeded in getting everything inside and Lupin and Dumbledore left them in peace. Lily had gotten worse over the afternoon and her coughs had turned hoarse. Her exhaustion from the lack of sleep and the busy day did not help. By four, Harry was ready for a nap again despite having had one already a couple hours before. They went upstairs and Lily put Harry in his crib in his new room. Severus and Lily both collapsed into their beds and all three of them skipped dinner and slept well into the morning.


	14. Catching The Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus has to handle two sick members of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final official week of lockdown. Will see how next week goes. Continue to stay safe and well y'all.

** Chapter Fourteen: Catching the Cold **

No one had woken Severus up during the night, not even Harry, so he had a completely uninterrupted rest. He peered into Lily's room, knowing she hadn't felt well yesterday. Tissues surrounded her and she was snoring, breathing rather heavy. He shut the door. Now there were two sick people in the house. Severus opened the door to Harry's room. He was peering over the crib, coughing. Severus picked him up. He wanted to wake Lily but decided against it. Severus attempted to change Harry. He was glad Harry’s nappy was only wet. 

Severus dressed him and took him downstairs. He gave Harry a potion for his cough and cold and set him in his highchair. 

“What does your mum usually give you?” He glanced around the kitchen and sighed as he got a good look at the home. He hadn't paid much attention to it yesterday. He had just wanted to get everything done and go back to bed. It was actually a rather nice place. It was much larger than the house he grew up in. The living room was larger, the kitchen was larger, and everything was larger and much nicer in general. The carpet was newer, and the tiles weren't old and scuffed up like his former house.

Severus grabbed a banana for himself as he fixed some hot cereal for Harry. 

“Nana!” Harry squealed and reached his hand out. “Pease?” 

Severus sighed and got another banana. He sliced it with his wand and handed the pieces to Harry who picked up a slice. 

“Nana!” He shovelled the slice into his mouth with a big grin. 

Severus shook his head. “Apparently bananas are exciting stuff.” 

After Harry had eaten some breakfast, Severus took him into the living room to play. Harry didn't want to play with the new toys the Order members had given him, though. He grabbed a book and set it on Severus's lap. He pointed at the book and said something that made no sense to Severus. He was not accustomed to baby talk even if he had been living with the kid for almost four months. Harry climbed onto the couch with some difficulty before finally getting up. He crawled to Severus and pointed again.

"At." Severus sighed. Harry opened the book. "At. Eat." He said, pointing at the book. "Eed tis." Severus huffed. He had no clue what the kid was saying. It would be easier if the kid were older and could actually say what he wanted.

"You want me to read you the book?" Harry looked up at him and crawled onto his lap to Severus's dismay. He pushed the book into Severus's hand. "Fine." Severus opened up the little book. Harry fussed and closed the book. "You don't want me to read it? Make up your mind then." He snarled. Harry opened the book back up.

"Tis." Harry said and Severus shook his head but began to read the baby book. He thought it was a stupidly simple book, but Harry liked it. As he finished the book, someone knocked on the door. Severus got up with Harry and went to answer it. He opened it to find his least favourite person standing there.

Sirius turned to Harry. "Hi, Harry." Sirius gave him a little wave. Harry waved back. Sirius glared back at Severus.

"Bye-bye." Harry said.

"See, Black, even Harry doesn't want you here." 

Sirius glowered at him. "Yes, I'm sure he knows the difference between the greetings."

"I think he knew what he was saying."

"Why do you have Harry? Where's Lily?" Sirius asked anxiously, ignoring Severus's comment.

"In bed."

"At this hour?"

"She's still not feeling well." Harry coughed hoarsely. "And neither is he, so I will advise you to go home before you catch it too."

"I was supposed to check up on everyone, but I assume Remus meant Lily and Harry. I figured he was concerned about them still stuck with you.” 

Severus mentally rolled his eyes. “I'm sure it had nothing to do with Harry and Lily being under the weather, right? I should also mention that we are not being forced together. We decided it would be best to stay together for now."

Sirius mumbled some incoherent words. "Can you just let me in so I know she is okay?"

"She's fine. She's sleeping and I prefer you didn't wake her."

"I want to see for myself." 

Severus rolled his eyes and let Sirius in. “Fine, but don’t wake her.” Severus shut the door, repositioning Harry to his side. Harry laid his head on Severus's shoulder and coughed into his face. Severus grumbled. He certainly did not want to become sick with whatever they had. He followed Sirius upstairs. Sirius looked around.

"First room on the left." 

Sirius glared back at Severus before going to the closed door. He peered into the room to find Lily asleep. He shut the door and came back down the steps, taking care to bump into Severus as he passed.

"Did you do something to her?"

"No, Black. She has a cold." Severus tried to set Harry down. Harry started to fuss when his feet hit the floor. He reached, wanting to be picked back up.

"Dada." Harry said suddenly. Severus's eyes grew wide and so did Black's. 

Sirius gnashed his teeth as his eyes narrowed on Severus. "What did he just call you?"

"Nothing. He just babbles all the time. It’s that annoying thing babies do.” He glowered at Black. 

"Oh, no.” He wagged his finger in Severus’s face and Severus wanted to rip it from his hand. “No, he called you dada. He thinks you are his dad."

"Don't be stupid, Black. He doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time.” 

"Sweet Merlin, James Potter's kid thinks you are his father. What has Lily done? She's ruined the son of James!"

It was Severus's turn to get mad. "Don't talk about Lily that way, Black! She's done nothing wrong. He's Lily's son too. You seem to keep forgetting that." He snapped. 

"Of course, you'd defend her. You are in love with her." 

“Believe everything Tate tells you I see.” Severus sneered. 

“I have eyes too. I’m not stupid. You always did like her. Had a snowball’s chance in hell with her.” Severus and Sirius glared daggers at each other. Harry sneezed, breaking the tension. "Bless you, Harry." Sirius took a handkerchief and wiped Harry's nose. 

"Careful, Black, unless you want the illness too. Not that I would care if you ended up sick."

"My immune system can handle it." Sirius wagged a finger in Severus's face. "I am warning you. If you lay a finger on Harry, harm him in any way, I'll make you pay."

"And if you try to disgrace Lily, the mother of your godson again, I will make you pay."

"Don't you think it is silly to like someone who will never like you back?"

Severus glowered at Black. "Lily and I are staying together right now and my job is to protect her and Harry the best I can. That includes protecting them from assholes like you." 

Sirius grumbled. "It is my job to protect Harry as his godfather."

"And what about Lily? You see my job includes both unlike yours. They are both fine, so I seem to be doing okay so far." 

Harry whined and lifted his hands up to Severus. “Up.” 

As Severus ignored Harry’s demand for a minute, Sirius frowned and shot Severus a glare, his eyes narrowed on his as he sucked in air quickly. "They are both sick, what do you say to that?"

"It’s a fucking cold,” Severus sneered. “He's well fed, has a clean nappy, a warm roof over his head, toys, and a mother who loves him to pieces. What's the problem?" 

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but instead turned on his heel and headed for the door. He turned back once his hand was on the handle. "I am watching you, Snivellus.” He pointed his finger at Severus with a near snarl. “I don't care what Dumbledore says about you being reformed. I'm not so forgiving. I will tolerate this arrangement only because he asked me too, but-” 

“I’m uninterested in a lengthy harangue, Black.” Severus interrupted. 

“I am not going to apologize. Not until I know you won't harm them." With a final glare between one another, Sirius left the house and nearly slammed the front door in the process. Severus heard a cough from upstairs. He picked Harry back up and headed upstairs to Lily's room.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Not that good, but better since last night." Her voice was raspy as she tried to breathe through her nose. "I need something to drink." She started to get up, but he put his hand up to stop her.

"I can get it for you. What would you like?" He set Harry on the bed. 

"I don't know. I'm just thirsty." She smiled as Harry threw his arms out for hug. She embraced him warmly and kissed his cheek. “I love you. Glad to see you more like yourself today.” She coughed a few times and tried to catch her breath. 

"Would you like some cough potion as well?"

She nodded. "Yes, that would be great."

"Would you like anything to eat yet?" 

She shook her head. "Not yet. Maybe later." 

Severus nodded and left the room. He came back a few minutes later with the potion and a glass of water. 

"Thanks." She said as she coughed. "Do you think you can keep an eye on Harry for a while longer? I appreciate you taking care of him this morning. Did you change his nappy?" Severus nodded. "Did you feed him?"

"Yes, Lily. He's fine." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Did you give some medicine in the dropper?"

"Yes. He's doing better. His coughing has calmed a little and his nose had stopped running for now. You can go back to bed. I will keep an eye on him." 

She nodded and laid back down. "Thank you." She said and sniffed. He left her alone and went back downstairs with Harry. 

Harry coughed and started to play with his blocks. Severus sat down on the couch and tried to read the newspaper. Harry grabbed the edge of it and started to crumble it while he was reading. He tried to move it higher from the toddler, but Harry climbed onto the couch and pulled the paper back. 

“I’m trying to read this.” He grumbled. Harry just stared at him as Severus pulled the paper higher. 

“Bocks?” Harry said. 

“Yes, go play with them.” Severus huffed to himself. 

Harry grabbed the quill on the coffee table and Severus snatched it from him before he could drip any ink onto the couch. “Don’t touch that!” He snarled. 

Unfazed, Harry grabbed for the feather of the quill and started to pull bits of it apart. Severus fmoved it to the top of the mantle. Harry moved off the couch and grabbed a block before returning. 

“Bock.” 

“Yes, it’s a yellow block.” 

“Bock.” He set it on the couch and went to grab another. “Bock.”

“A blue block. Fascinating.” He sighed to himself. Kids things were boring. At least he was entertained by mundane items and basic colours. Harry started to grunt a little. Severus huffed. “Please tell me you are not doing what I think you’re doing.” Harry stood at the coffee table for a moment and then went to get another block. When he returned, Severus scrunched his nose. “You did. That’s just great.” 

Severus grumbled to himself as he got off the couch and grabbed Harry. Harry shook his head. “No.”

“Well then learn to use the toilet like a normal person.” Harry just blinked at him as Severus grabbed a nappy from the bag and began to change Harry. “How long until you can be toilet-trained? Surely soon?” 

Harry ignored the rhetorical question. 

“No more dirty nappies.” Harry giggled and went back to stacking his blocks. “At least not until Lily can change them again.” He mumbled to himself. 

Lily emerged a couple hours later at the bottom of the stairs. She saw Severus sitting on the floor as Harry kept handing him plastic animals. 

“Moo.” Harry pointed to the toy. 

“Yes, that’s what cows say. You can say the sounds, but not the names of the animals associated with them?” 

Harry giggled and handed him another and moved his lips up and down making a popping sound. “Fishy!” 

“Oh, so you know that one?” He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Lily reach the bottom of the steps. He quickly got to his feet. 

"Would you like me to get you anything?"

She nodded. "Yes, I think I would like something to eat."

"What would you like?"

"Maybe some toast or something.” 

"I can make some soup for lunch if you want something more." 

She nodded. “Sure, I will try to eat some. The potions seemed to have helped. The aches and fever seem to have eased.” 

He faintly smiled at her. “That’s good news. I can bring it up to you if you want.” 

"No, I need to get up for a while. While the pains have eased, it might make me feel better." 

Harry reached up at her with a whine. “Up.” Lily lifted him up and propped him on her hip. 

After lunch, she tried to hang out with them in the living room. Lily could slowly feel the body aches returning. Severus put a hand on her forehead and shook his head. 

“I think the potions are starting to wear off again.” She closed her heavy eyelids for a moment. 

He ran his wand over her. “It says 38.9. And that you have a mild case of influenzae.” 

Lily groaned and glanced over at Harry, who was flipping the pages of a children’s book. 

“Don’t worry about him, Lily. He’s fine.” Severus wiped Harry’s runny nose with a mental grimace as Harry unintentionally hoarsely coughed in his face. “Your kid’s nose is like a faucet.” He mumbled. 

She gave him a weak smile. “It’s not fair to have you keep watching him.” 

Severus shook his head. “Worry about yourself right now. He’ll go down for a nap in an hour anyway.” He pointed the stairs. “Why don’t you go back up to rest. We’ll be fine down here.” 

Lily considered protesting, but just gave a nod. “I probably should. If you need me-”

“I know where to find you.” He smirked. 

She managed a small coy grin and slowly got to her feet and made her way back upstairs. She nearly collapsed onto the bed and closed her heavy eyes. 

Severus decided he wasn't sure if he ever wanted children because toddlers were a handful. He kept trying to open doors and banging them closed to Severus's annoyance, though Harry was rather fascinated by his new ability. The kid also liked to make noises at loud volumes at random times and throw objects he should not. The concept that things can break seemed lost on the one-year-old. He decided that kids were rather stupid. 

Harry reached for a vase that Dumbledore had given them to make the house seem homier. "Don't touch that vase." Severus sneered. Harry looked at him, turned around and touched the vase. Severus clinched his fists, got up and moved Harry to the couch away from the flower vase. "Stay." He snapped. Harry attempted to get off the couch. "I said, Stay!" Harry stopped and sat back on the couch calmly.

"Thank you." Severus said through gritted teeth. "Why don't you play with this toy?" He handed Harry a toy hammer and toy plastic board with nails to hit. Harry began to bang the big, plastic nails with the hammer. Severus ran his hand over his face. No, he was never having children of his own. It was official. Just as he sat down on the chair, Harry threw his hammer onto the floor.

"Harry!" He yelled, but not too loud. He didn't want to wake up Lily. "We do not throw things. Pick up the hammer now!" Severus spoke through clenched teeth. Harry got off the couch and grabbed the hammer and gave it to Severus in defeat. "That's better."

"Wan bear." He said, suddenly happy.

"You want your bear?"

"Wan bear." 

Severus pointed to the stuffed bear on the floor. "It's right there." 

Harry turned and his eyes lit up. "Bear!" He got his bear. Severus looked at the clock. It was almost two, which meant that it was time for him to finally get some peace.

"It's time for your nap."

"No." Harry said. "No nap."

"Yes, I think a nap would be good." He got up and headed for the steps. "Come on, let's go upstairs." Harry headed for the stairs and fumbled up them ahead of Severus. Severus attempted to put Harry in his crib, but Harry put up a bit of a fight and ended up hitting him in frustration. He set Harry down in the crib. "We do not hit. Now lay down."

"No nap!" Harry protested. Severus narrowed his eyes at Harry. He was at his breaking point with the kid.

"Lay down now." Severus pointed down in the crib. Harry whimpered, but sat down. Severus glared at him. Harry laid his head down. "Thank you." Severus turned to leave the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry try to get up. Severus turned back, snapped his fingers, and pointed down. Harry laid back down. This time, he closed his eyes. Severus waited a minute to make sure Harry didn’t open his eyes again before he left the room and walked across the hall to check on Lily. She woke up when he entered.

"Severus?"

"Just checking on you, making sure you are alive." 

She sat up with a tiny grin. "Of course I'm alive. I actually feel a little better. Where's Harry?"

"I just put him down for his nap."

Lily sighed. "Oh. Good. Was he too much trouble? I know he can be a bit of a handful at times."

"No, not too much. Nothing major anyway. Nothing I couldn't handle."

"I'm sorry. I'm working with him on the throwing things. It should get easier as he gains more language skills to express himself." She got up. "I'm going to get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs."

"You sure you feel up to it?"

"Well, I can't stay in bed all day.” She chuckled. “More potion and a nap were all I needed. I feel well rested for now.” 

"Alright then." He left the room so she could get dressed and peeked into Harry's room. Harry was sound asleep on his stomach, clutching his bear. Severus breathed out a sigh of relief. They'd get at least one toddler-free hour.

He went downstairs and sat down on the couch with one of his old potions book. Lily came down a few minutes later. Her cheeks were still a bit red; indicating she probably had a slight fever. Her nose was red as a cherry and she covered a harsh, barking cough upon arrival. However, she didn't seem as exhausted as she was earlier.

"What are you reading?"

"One of the potions book that survived the explosion. Figured I ought to brush up on some basics if I am going to be teaching it. You were right.”   
She raised her forehead as she took a seat in the chair across from him. “About what?”

“I may know this stuff, but I don’t know it at the level of an eleven-year-old.” 

"I just think about myself. How I knew basically nothing. I was luckier than others thanks to you. Still, it can be intimidating. Being young, aware from home for the first time for many of them, and for some, in a brand-new world they never knew even existed. As excited as I was, the first few weeks were a little tough. Go easy on them." She coughed a couple times. 

"Did the potion not help?"

"Yes, it helped a lot actually. I couldn't stop coughing this morning. The potion helped me get some rest without interruption for a couple hours." She summoned the newspaper and began to read. The house was silent except for the humming of the heater and crackling of the fire in the fireplace. They both needed and enjoyed the quiet atmosphere. After the past couple of days, it was welcomed.


	15. Cold Hands, Warm Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus is under the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates have been slower. Had to get my yearly trainings done for work so haven't had much extra time. With the lockdown easing this week, will have to see if my work picks up. With cases still growing, think it's too soon for this. I hope everyone is staying safe and well.

**Chapter Fourteen: Cold Hands, Warm Heart**

_Late February_

Severus woke up with his head feeling rather heavy. His body ached a little and he could tell with the ache in his back he probably had a bit of fever. It was not a good way to start the day. He rolled onto his stomach with a groan. He coughed harshly and forced himself to get out of bed. He opened the curtains and saw the weather mimicked his feelings. Heavy grey clouds sat overhead, and rain streamed down the window. It was the type of day where staying in bed was the ideal. He did not want to go to work today, but it was the day for his long shift, and he needed the money. He got dressed, decided to skip a shower, and went downstairs.

Lily heard him coughing. "Are you okay?" She asked as he entered the kitchen.

He turned to her. "I'll be fine."

She got up from the table and went into his lab. She came back, holding up a bottle. "I think you are going to need some of this."

Severus nodded and took the bottle. He poured himself some of the potion and drank it. "I think I need to brew some more. Maybe I'll try and brew some at work." His voice was rather hoarse.

"Are you sure you should even go to work today?" Lily asked.

"I'll be fine." He coughed again a few times. 

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You probably shouldn't. I mean, you are brewing potions for other people."

"I have to go to work.” He tried to clear the phlegm that hung in his throat. “A cough isn't a reason to stay home."

"Just a cough? I think it's something more than that."

He shrugged. "It's probably just a little cold." He fixed himself some oatmeal and sat down at the table. "Likely from Harry."

Lily wiped Harry's face before getting him off the chair. "Or the flu I had. I still think you should call in sick. The weather is terrible. You will only make yourself sicker by going out." 

“Not much choice. Am sure with this pepper-up potion I’ll start to feel a bit better.” 

“It took a few doses and a couple days of rest to get better for me.” She said as she took Harry into the living room.

He headed to work a little while later despite her protests. He had little choice. Having a cough and feeling a bit achy weren't good enough reasons to miss work.

The air was bitterly cold, and he was surprised the rain hadn't turned to snow yet as he headed up the street. He apparated to London. The weather there was much worse than it was in Little Page. His cloak grew damp from the sleet as he walked toward the Leaky Cauldron. He shivered and grabbed a handkerchief to wipe his runny nose. It was going to be a long day.

Severus wasn't sure how he made it to the end of his shift. He hadn't had time to make any cough potion and his illness had gotten progressively worse as the day went on. The weather was not any better when he left. The precipitation was a mix of freezing rain and snow and the air was raw. The rain and snow pelted him as he walked, dampening his cloak once again. His chest racked as he coughed. He clutched his chest in pain. The water on the ground from the rain had frozen over. This made walking difficult as the sidewalks of London had become littered in icy patches. It appeared the roads had become icy as well. He noticed a few minor car crashes and a few vehicles spinning their tires on the ice as he walked toward the alleyway where he normally apparated. He felt as if he could hardly breathe as he apparated to Essex.

It wasn't quite as cold in Little Page, but cold enough to wonder why heavy rain was not half-frozen. He was soaked by the time he reached the house, but the cold, wet robes felt good against his hot skin as his teeth chattered. He entered the house ready to collapse. Lily was sitting on the living room floor with Harry, playing with his toys.

"Push it on."

"Put."

"Push it." Harry pushed the lid on a cup with help from Lily. "There you go."

She looked up at Severus as he entered and put her hand on her mouth. His face was flushed, his cloak soaked, his teeth chattered as his body shook rather violently. 

"I told you that you should have stayed home."

"I'm fine." He said, though he felt terrible.

"You look awful." She got up and headed toward him. "Your face is blood red." She started to take off his cloak. "You are going to catch your death in these damp clothes."

He was too shocked to say anything. "Why don't you lay down on the couch and I'll get some dry clothes for you to wear."

"I can get them myself." He started to have a coughing fit. He felt cold hands against his cheeks and forehead.

"My god, you are burning up. You need to go lay down." She went upstairs without another word. He sighed and headed for the couch. He collapsed onto it. The cold pillow felt good against his hot cheek. Lily came back down a couple minutes later and handed him his pajamas. He got up, took them and headed to the bathroom without a word. He wanted to argue that he could have gotten them himself, but he knew it would be futile.

Lily was sitting on the floor with Harry when he came back in. He lied back down on the couch and listened as she read words with Harry.

"Apa." He said, pointing to the book beside them.

"Yes, that's an apple." She opened the book up and pointed to picture. "What's that?"

"Nana."

"A banana. What's that?"

"Nana."

"No. Can you say orange?"

"Nana."

"Okay, that's too big a word. What's that?"

"Apa."

"It's a peach."

"Peas."

"Peach. What is that?"

"Dog."

"A Dog. And that?"

"At."

"Cat. Good. What about that?"

"Tain."

"That's a train. What sound do trains make?

"Soo soo."

"That's right. Choo Choo. What is it doing outside?" Harry looked out the window.

"Pour ain."

"It is pouring the rain. Where are your ears?" Harry touched his nose. "That's your nose. Where are your ears?" He grabbed the top of his ears. "Yes. Those are your ears. Can you say ears?"

"Eas."

"Where's your eyes?" He thought a second and tried to touch the ducts of his eyes. "That's right. Can you say eyes?"

"Ice."

"Good job. Where's your nose?" He touched his nose. "Yes, that's your nose. Can you say nose?"

"Nose."

"Nose. Where's your toes?" Harry touched his bare toes. "Good. Where's your feet?" He grabbed his feet. "Good job. Where's your hands?" Harry held his hands up. "Can you say hands?"

"Han."

"Can you say feet?"

"Eat."

"I love you." She kissed his cheek and smoothed his hair. "Can you say I love you?"

Harry looked at her and shook his head. "No."

She smiled. "Okay. That's too many words at once."

Severus sighed inwardly. He had once imagined the two of them being in a similar scenario. It wasn't quite like he had imagined now, but it was how he had pictured their future before everything fell apart.

"Stay here, Harry. Play with the train Remus got you." She got up and left the room. Severus closed his eyes. His head was pounding. This sickness made him feel so much worse than that cold he had acquired from Harry and Lily a couple weeks prior.

Suddenly, Severus felt something soft and cold against his forehead. He opened his eyes. Lily was sitting beside him. She was running her wand over him. "I am fine, Lily. Really, this is unnecessary."

"About 40 degrees Celsius. You have a fever alright. Can't say I didn't warn you. I'm not sure what you have, but I think it's something worse than a cold. I hope you don't get pneumonia being out in the cold like that and getting yourself soaked when you are already sick." Lily took the cold, wet rag and began to rub it around his face. He was surprised at her determination to care for him.

"I'm fine, Lily."

Lily sighed. "You are just like James." He raised an eyebrow. He did not want to be compared to Potter. "He was determined to go to some event with his buddies once when he was ill. He ended up in St. Mungo's with Pneumonia. Stubborn git." She shook her head in annoyance. "At least you aren't fighting me physically."

This caught Severus's attention and he nearly panicked. "He hit you?"

"No." She laughed. He breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't think he would have ever forgiven Potter for hurting her. "He just kept thrashing about, pushing me away. Said he didn't need some silly woman caring for him. He was a man and would tough it out. I'm not sure if you are just a little less stubborn or if you are just too sick to care. I have a feeling it is the latter."

He gave her a weak smile. He did not like being fussed over, but he wasn't going to complain. If it had been anybody else, he surely would have put up more of a fight. He started to go into a coughing fit and sat up. He grabbed at his chest. Lily put her hand on his back.

"Did you make any cough potion at work?" She asked. He shook his head, still coughing. "I'll make some then."

Severus looked at her, trying to catch his breath. He nodded. She was one of the top potions students back when they were in school. She could do it.  
She summoned the pillows from the other couch and set them behind Severus.

"You don't." He took a breath and coughed a couple more times. "Need to do all this."

"I think I do. You need some medicine." She got up. "Come on, Harry, let's go in the kitchen and let Severus take a nap."

"Nap."

"Yes, he is sick. He needs to take a nap. Come along."

Harry got up and followed his mother into the kitchen. Severus shut his eyes and apparently fell asleep. He felt someone gently nudging him awake a short while later and he opened his eyes slowly.

"This will make you feel better." It was Lily's voice. She was standing over him with a bottle of a potion. He started to get up, but his head felt too heavy. He laid back down, closed his eyes and put his hands to his head.

She looked at him with concern. She opened the bottle and lifted his head. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat, but was still unable to speak. She tipped the bottle to his lips and he took the potion without complaint. He knew he must have been ill. He was never this compliant and normally hated this kind of treatment.

"There. You should start to feel better soon. I will see if we have some fever reducing potion. If not, I will make some."

Lily put the lid back on the bottle and set it on the side table before sitting next to him on the couch. She looked him quite anxiously and felt his forehead again. She pulled her hand away and shook her head. "I think your fever has gone up. You are looking even worse for the wear than when you arrived. I don't need my wand to tell me that. I think I should get some more cold cloths." She got up and headed for the bathroom. She came back with a wet cloth and put it on his forehead.

Lily put her ear to his chest after hearing his deep wet cough. Severus wasn't sure what she was doing. She lifted her head. "I don't think you have pneumonia, but I'll keep an eye out."

Severus was sure he was delirious as he suddenly grabbed her hand. She looked shocked for a second, but then smiled. To his surprise, she gave his hand a light squeeze. "You should probably go upstairs and go on to bed."

He nodded and started to get up. She steadied him as she helped him up. Once he was upstairs and in bed, she left the room. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."  
He was left alone and looked down at his hand with a smile. Severus decided he should probably get some rest. Maybe he would feel better in the morning. He closed his eyes and drifted off into a delirious slumber.

Severus awoke suddenly in the middle of the night. Something cold was touched his face. He pulled the covers tighter around him, unable to get warm. He touched bare arm and felt the goose bumps at the same time his skin burned. His entire body cramped with deep aches. The heavy ache in his lower back indicated a fever. He wanted to find more blankets and attempted to sit up, but something pushed him back down.

"Shh. Stay still." Someone said.

He turned his head slowly to find Lily sitting in a chair by his bed. She put an ice-cold towel behind his neck. He trembled almost violently, and his teeth chattered non-stop. Severus tried to speak, but he could not do so. He only managed to make a Don Vito Corleone sounding rasp as his throat burned. 

She glanced down at him and shook her head. "You are burning up. I'm trying to break your fever. It's horribly high." She stuck an ice pack on his head before unbuttoning his night shirt. She began to lay cold towels on him.

How long had Lily been there? He wondered. She had a tight bite her lip as she worked to cool him down. Am I that sick? He must have been. Maybe I should have listened to Lily and stayed home from work. He thought to himself. He coughed as he tried his best to talk.

"You have the flu. I need to break your fever before it gets too high. It was above 40 degrees Celsius a short time ago." She continued to put ice cold rags on him. This only made him colder. "I have a fever reducing potion brewing, but it takes a few hours to make. It should be finished soon."

He shut his eyes as she continued to lay ice cold towels on him and drifted off into a feverish rest. He awoke sometime later, sweating profusely. His fever had broken. He turned his head to see Lily sitting in a chair by his bed. She smiled when she saw he was awake.

"Your fever broke a short time ago, thank goodness." She rubbed a damp cloth over his face, mopping up the sweat. She brushed his hair out his face with her hand. "Do you have any other symptoms besides the obvious fever and coughing? Does anything hurt?"

He nodded and grabbed at his throat.

"Your throat hurts?" She asked. "Can I have a look at your throat?"

He sighed softly and opened his mouth. She shook her head. "Your throat is red, but I don't think it is strep or anything."

He started to cough fiercely. His whole body racked as he coughed. She got up and put a hand on his shoulder blade. She started to gently rub his back. It was as if his throat was being scorched by a fire and his stomach churned as he coughed. He willed himself not to throw up.

She grabbed a bottle once his hacking cough slowed. "You need to take this. It should help clear up whatever you have."

Severus tried to take the bottle, but his hands were shaking too much. Lily gave him the medicine instead. He was far too ill to fight with her. It was hard to swallow, but he managed to get the potion down. He laid back down, still trembling with fever. He pointed to his wrist, trying to indicate what he wanted. He doubted she would understand.

"It's two in the morning." Lily answered without hesitation. He blinked at her rapidly and his jaw dropped slightly. She gave him a tiny smile. "Try and go back to sleep. You need your rest." She put her hand on his head. "Maybe you will at least get your voice back soon."

He couldn't help but smile and out of impulse, he reached out and put his hand to her face. She looked a little surprised. "Your hands are like ice." She took his hand in hers and smiled at him. "But you know what they say: Cold hands, warm heart. Cold, reserved exterior. Warmhearted interior."

Her comment surprised him to say the least and the way she smiled seemed different and caught him off-guard. He hoped she would think it was only the fever that had made him touch her like that. Why else would he have bothered? Certainly, he wasn't gaining more confidence. He would never have tried to make such a move if he had not been sick, would he?

His heart pounded in his chest. He was definitely delirious, he had to be delirious. He was seeing things. She was only smiling at him as a friend. He was only imaging he had seen something more to it than there was. Surely, she wouldn't feel anything toward him beyond friendship, would she?

Lily had spent half the night up with Severus and in his delirium, he had touched her face softly. His hands were like ice. She had smiled at him, thinking of the old idiom. Severus had looked at her funny. It was almost as if-no, no way. That was crazy, wasn't it? He didn't possibly like her, did he? Her heart begin to thump in her chest. No, he didn't think of her as anything more than a friend. That wasn't possible, was it? Of course, it was, you moron. She said to herself. It could happen, especially given the situation. 

She was not ready to think about this. Lily had no intention of finding someone else. She figured it would be many years before she would be ready to pursue a relationship with anyone. Of course, she had thought it would take a long time to move forward with her life. She imagined the grieving process taking more time. She still missed James a lot and she would never forget him, but she was already moving forward. It had been nearly four months and she was at a stage now where she was working on relocating James emotionally and moving on with her life with Harry.

She figured she had moved on faster because of her situation. She had worked to accept the reality of the loss and cope with the pain of it, grieving hard, but not long. Some days were still easier than others.

Lily knew she would be lying if she said Severus hadn't helped her. He had greatly. She knew it would not have been so easy if she didn't have his company. He had been great about letting her express her grief and listening to her. She knew how he felt about James, but he still listened to her. He had been just as great at understanding when she needed to be alone or didn't feel up to talking. It was part of the reason she had chosen to stay. At this time, he was her rock in all this mess. Minus the occasional debate or frustration at another's habit, they got along fairly well.

Deep down, it didn't scare her so much to think that Severus might like her. It didn't bother her, even if it surprised her that he might feel that way about her. Even if he did like her as more than a friend, she knew he would not try to pursue her without her willingness to do the same. She wasn't going to let the thought change their friendship.

What scared her were her own feelings. She was wondering if she was possibly seeing him as more than a friend as well. She was not ready for those feelings yet. It must be the delirium that made him see her that way. It was just a bit of momentary lust as a result of the intimate situation we are in, that's all, she thought to herself. It was nothing. It would pass. At least that's what she was going to convince herself to believe anyway until the situation changed.


	16. Nightmares and Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus slowly gets better, Lily has a night terror, and there may be a snake lurking about.

** Chapter Fifteen: Nightmares and Feelings **

Severus awoke and put his hand to his head. His entire body ached and he coughed. He was going to have to call in sick today. He turned over and though his body protested, he managed to get up from the bed. That's when he noticed Lily was still there, sound asleep on thin mattress and blankets on the floor.

He didn't want to wake her up as he unsteadily rose to his feet. In doing so, he grabbed for the nightstand to steady himself and caused it to wobble. The lamp fell over and rocked back and forth. Lily stirred but did not wake up. He let go, picked the lamp back up, and slowly headed for the door.

"Where are you going?” 

He turned back and gripped the door frame. He opened his mouth to talk but found himself unable to do so. Great, Severus thought. He still had laryngitis. Severus just pointed down the hallway.

She sighed. "Okay. You can manage that yourself, I hope." 

He raised an eyebrow before leaving the room. Lily got up once he left and headed for her room to dress for the day. When she returned to Severus’s room, he had collapsed back into bed.

"Do you need anything?"

He nodded and started to get out of bed again. 

She shook her head. "You need to stay in bed. Would you like something to drink?" He nodded. "Okay. I'll be back." She left and went downstairs to get him something cold to drink.

Severus hated feeling helpless. It was not in his nature to not handle things himself. He sat up and leaned against the headboard. His lower back ached with the fever he knew he had. Lily returned a couple minutes later and handed him a glass of juice with ice in it. He took it graciously and chugged it down. She turned the transfigured mattress back into a chair and sat down.

"Harry isn't here. He's staying with Lupin for a couple days. It's better for him to stay away from the flu. Don’t want him to keep being exposed to it. Lupin is great with him so Harry will be fine. I'm sure Sirius will be over there, and they will hype him up with junk food and wear him out. Sirius is basically a kid himself so, they'll have fun I'm sure."

Severus smiled at her calling Sirius a child. Lily poured him some more juice and took his temperature. He did not like her coddling him like a child, but he was also too sick to protest. "About 39. Not good, but not as bad as last night." She poured some potions and handed them to him. He took them and laid back down.

"I already sent a letter of sick leave for work. They granted it but aren't happy. They do want you to stay away until you are well. I guess they want you to keep your illness here."  
Severus nodded and pulled the covers tighter around him. 

Lily brushed the hair out of his face with the back of her hand. "I think you should try and go back to sleep. Rest will help you get better faster." She smiled. "I am going to go downstairs and see if I can work that new colour TV the neighbours gave us. You know how to let me know if you need anything."

He shut his eyes and fell asleep. He drifted in and out of sleep the entire day. His muscles ached too much to move around. Per Lily’s insistence, he drank all the fluids she provided. He managed a little of the chicken soup but refused most of the food she tried to offer. 

Severus was still sick the next day but his voice had come back a bit. He started to fuss about the attention she was giving him. To Lily, this meant he was feeling a little better. He still wasn't eating much, which troubled her a little, but she figured he would get his appetite back soon. She decided to sleep in her room that night since his fever had remained stable and he appeared to be fighting off the bug well.

Lily woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. She wasn't sure what woke her up, but she checked the clock. Three-fifteen in the morning. She decided to get up and check on Severus. He was shivered violently and his face was flushed heavily with fever. 

She ran to him. "Sev, wake up!"

"I didn't do it. Don't hurt me."

"Sev, wake up!" She gently shook his shoulder. 

Severus jolted awake to see Lily, her face wrought with concern. 

"Hey, I wanted to make sure you were alright. You look like you have gotten worse." She ran her wand over him. "40.6! You're burning up!"

"Cold." He said as his body trembled.

"I know. I'm going to go get you more potions." She hurried out of the room. He pulled more covers over himself unable to get warm. She came back in a few minutes later and handed him a glass. He took a few sips of the cold water and set it on the table. He shut his eyes, too tired to stay awake and rested. Lily got some lukewarm cloths and tried to cool him down as his temperature rose. She had no idea why his fever had suddenly spiked so high.

"I didn't take it." He said out of nowhere.

Lily raised her eyebrow. "What?" She didn't know what he was talking about.

"I just hid it from him."

She knew his fever had spiked up rather high and she had a bad feeling he was delirious and probably having a nightmare of some sort. "What did you hide?"

"The money. I need the books."

"Books?" She asked. He was answering the questions, she thought. He must not be completely asleep.

"For school."

"Oh."

"He'd just spend it at the pub."

Lily swallowed hard. She wondered if he was dreaming or whether he was remembering his past. She had a feeling it was the latter. Lily knew his father had been a heavy drinker. She also knew his parents argued a lot and that his childhood had been far from happy as a result.

Severus suddenly woke back up as Lily took his arm and touched his hot skin with a rag. He hardly knew what he was doing as he cupped his hand on her face. She smiled.

"Am I dying?"

"Not today." She chuckled. 

"Your hair is like a dark candle flame. It makes you look so beautiful."

Lily blushed. James had told her that her hair looked like fire sometimes. She smiled. "Um, thanks." She wanted to laugh at his sudden, flirtatious bravado. He was definitely out of it. The Sev she knew would never say something like that, even if ever he thought it. The only thing she didn't know was if he saying that because he was delirious with fever or if he really thought that.

It wasn't too long before his chills stopped, and she noticed he was sweating. Once his fever had broken, she went back to bed. The next morning, he was still weak, but his fever stayed low-grade. She did not tell him what he had said to her in his delirium. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the truth just yet.

**_Mid-March 1982_ **

Severus opened the The Daily Prophet and took a sip of his hot coffee. It was peaceful being in a muggle neighbourhood. Minus the neighbour's yapping little mutts and the screaming kids up the street, that is. While a few nosey women eyed their new neighbours strangely, most were cordial. Lily and Severus had opted not to wear their robes in favour of muggle clothing to blend in. Lily eagerly talked to the women. Severus preferred to avoid the interaction and glares he got.

It surprised him to think that he wouldn't mind living among muggles since he always hated it before. No one knew where he lived now, not even the Malfoys. No one in the Order knew besides Lupin, Dumbledore and to Severus's dismay: Sirius. As much as he still loathed Black, he was rather confident he would not risk giving away their position. 

"The cat says meow. The cow says moo. The horse says neigh." The toy Harry was playing with spoke as he sat on the living room floor while Lily had gone upstairs for a shower. 

As Lily began to lather her hair with shampoo, something touched her shoulder and began to slide over it. She froze with a gasp before she darted her eyes the direction of her shoulder. She saw a small orange and red snake slither over her toward the floor. Lily screamed in shock and jumped backwards, nearly hitting the shower wall. The sudden movement caused the snake to fall to the tub floor and hiss at her. She threw back the shower curtain and nearly tripped over the tub's edge as she hurried away from it. Water dripped in puddles on the floor as she snatched a towel and wiped the shampoo from her forehead before it dripped into her eyes. 

As Severus read about the capture of Rodolpus Lestrange, he heard a loud, shrill scream. He leapt up from his chair, snatched Harry, and bolted up the stairs with his wand out.   
Lily was standing in the doorway to the bathroom with her wand out. "What happened? What's the matter?"

Lily pointed her trembling wand to the door. "A snake! There's a snake in the shower! It landed on me!" Seeing her only in a towel, the heat rose up his neck and he glanced away. 

"A snake? Are you sure?" He cleared his throat quietly.

"Yes, it's in the shower." 

Severus sighed and went into the bathroom. He pulled back the shower curtain and found a strange orange and red snake curled up at the edge of the tub. Sun shone through the small window and dripped over the small snake. Water still poured from the showerhead. Severus pointed his wand at the snake.

"Don't kill it!" She shouted. 

He sighed. "Fine. I'll make it go to sleep and set outside. Will that make you happy?" He turned to her. She nodded. He looked away and said a spell. The snake grew limp. He picked it up and took it out of the house and out into the yard.

"It seems too early for snakes. I figured they would be hibernating. I wonder how it got in here." Lily asked.

"I have no idea. I don't recognize it as a normal snake around here. I wonder if-" They looked at each other.

"Mr. Macmillian." They said at the same time.

"I bet he's a missing one of his pets." Severus grumbled.

"Yes, maybe you should go over and ask him about it."

Severus nodded to her. He could not help but notice that her ivory skin seemed so smooth and her hair glistened like red autumn leaves in the sunlight. He heart began to beat faster. He always thought she was beautiful, but he never realized just how attractive she was to him. No, no, he wasn't thinking these things. He was not checking her out. He shook his head. No matter what he thought, she certainly would not feel the same.

"I think I'll just go finish taking a shower now so we can head into town." She said, turning away, remembering she was only wearing a towel. Now that she had calmed down, she realized the situation was a bit awkward. She was still unsure what she had seen in him a couple weeks before. If it wasn't all delirium from the high fever and he did like her as more than a friend, well, she was only making that worse. Even if he didn't like her as more than a friend, he was still a heterosexual male and would probably be uncomfortable seeing her with barely anything on. 

Harry glanced between the two adults confused. Severus had to push these thoughts about Lily out of his mind. He knew she was too far out of his league despite what he thought he saw back when he had the flu. He was delirious then. He'd seen other young men checking her out, though she was always rather annoyed by it, especially when any of them tried a pick-up line or attempted to get her number. She claimed she did not want to date anyone right now.

Severus was normally a confident person. He could fool one of the most powerful wizards out there, yet when it came to Lily, a simple young woman, he was dumbfounded. She had a way of seeping through his emotional shell and shattering his cool demeanour. He knew he liked her, but he figured he would fine with all this. It was a lot harder than he thought. Living with the person you are attracted to was far from simple, especially when you cannot tell them so. It was growing harder and harder for him to pretend he didn't like her as more than a friend.

She came back down shortly after in a pair of jeans and a sweater. They left the house and headed into town.

"Can you take Harry while I try these on?"

"Sure."

"Don't let him out of your sight. He'll disappear."

Severus scoffed. "I won't let him disappear. You know I’ll keep him in sight.” 

Lily smiled and left for the dressing room. Harry tried to climb a bench in the corner. He got on and off the bench several times. It was apparently entertaining to him. When Lily left the dressing room, she was stopped by a young man not much older than she was.

"Hey, if I told you look beautiful in that shirt, would you hold that against me?" He was smiling.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. Depends on your motive.” 

"Are you in a relationship?"

"Not currently, but-"

"So, can I get your number?" Lily frowned. "We can go straight to it and make like peanut butter and jelly if you want." 

Lily scoffed loudly. "That's probably the corniest way of asking me to sleep with you that I have ever heard."

"I know what I want. You look lonely and I figured you'd want the same." She scoffed again in disgust and walked away, but not before taking out her wand and causing the man to trip with the shoe-lace jinx. The jinx tied his shoelaces together, caused him to trip and tied themselves back.  
Severus saw her do this, a bit surprised she would do that to someone. As she worked toward him, her furled eyebrows and huff said everything. 

"What's wrong?"

"The nerve of some men, I swear. Asking me to sleep with them as if I am some sort of whore. Do I look like a whore?"

"No." He said honestly.

"That's all they ever want. That's all they think about, isn't it?"

"Well-" He started.

"Don't answer that."

He gave her a tiny smile as they headed to the children's department.

"Can you believe he would ask for my number and then ask to make love with me at the same time? I don't get it. This is the third time recently I have been both asked out and asked to be slept with from a guy. Why do they think I would just hop in bed with them? I don't understand." She huffed in frustration. He didn't say a word. "I don't understand why they even ask me. I don't think I am that pretty. It makes no sense to me. You are a guy, what do you think? Am I attractive?"

He looked at her. She seemed like she wanted an answer, but he didn't have one. What could he say? If he said no, he would be lying, and it would probably upset her. If he said yes, he would be admitting he found her attractive and that would lead to more pressing questions he didn't want to answer. He would love to tell her yes, that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on, but he could not do that now or perhaps ever. 

"You really don't expect me to answer that question, do you?" 

She looked at him and smiled. "I shouldn't have asked you that." She let out a small laugh. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

"It's alright." He said, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants. She didn't seem to notice his nervousness. Severus liked that she hated the other young men hitting on her, but it made him slightly jealous. He did not really want her to like someone else. He wanted her to like him no matter how far-fetched it seemed. It bothered him though that she didn't understand why they would hit on her. He never understood why she didn't think she was pretty. Since most of them tended to just want to get her to bed, Lily clearly assumed they thought she was some kind of a hooker. He wished she realized that they found her as attractive as he did. 

"I'm just not willing to go out with someone so quick and I am not going to hop into bed with someone just like that. That is disgusting. I'd rather be friends with someone first and let the romance develop that way." Lily grabbed a shoe box. "These look nice. I'll see if they fit him. Harry is growing like a weed."  
He smiled to himself as Lily put a pair of shoes on Harry. He could still dream he had a chance with her, couldn't he?

**_Late April 1982_ **

Lily was exhausted when she crawled into bed. She had been reading a book and wanted to finish it before she went to sleep. She drifted into a peaceful sleep. This soon changed as she fell into REM sleep and her mind began to replay the events of Halloween. This time was different though. She hadn't been quick enough and Voldemort had killed both of them. Her dream changed and she saw Voldemort approaching their house. It was too late for her to run. She heard someone screaming in the dream. So did Severus.

He bolted up out of bed and headed for Lily's room. Severus burst open the door and darted his eyes towards Lily’s bed. She was thrashing about wildly, though still asleep and he realized she was dreaming. He walked over and began to nudge her.

"Lily? Lily! Wake up!"

Lily opened her eyes with a gasp and bolted upright. 

"Lily, are you alright?" She was drenched in cold sweat. She gripped the bed sheets tightly. "Lily?"

"What are you doing in here?" She asked, and slowly let go of the mattress.

"You were screaming bloody murder. I thought something was wrong."

So, the screams were from her and she had apparently screamed loud enough to wake him up and concern him. "They are coming!" She felt around her bed. "Where's my wand?"

"Who's coming?" He asked and handed her the wand on the side table.

"Death Eaters. They know where we live. They are coming. We have to hide." It was quiet. The only sound that returned was from the trembling of the bed where Lily still shook in terror and a few chirping insects.

"No one is coming, Lily. It's two o'clock in the morning. I'm sure nearly all the Death Eaters are sound asleep in their beds at their homes. My mark didn't burn. Surely it would have because the Dark Lord would want the pleasure of doing the deed himself."

"It didn't burn last time they showed up!"

"That was because they did not find us. They were only looking. You-Know-Who insists he carry out the deed of your son’s murder.” He paused. “Of which we intend to never make a successful endeavour.” 

"They were killing him!"

"Who was killing whom?"

"Harry! I was supposed to die! What if I screwed up fate by escaping?"

"You didn't screw up fate by leaving. You saved your life by escaping. You saved Harry's life from the Dark Lord's wrath by leaving that house. All of you would have died that night. You did what you did out of instinct."

"No, I messed up. I should have died too." He caught a sob in her throat. 

"Don't talk like that. Harry needs you. He needs his mother."

"No, he was killing him, he killed my baby! He's going to come after him and kill him! I only messed with fate for a bit, but it's going to come back to haunt us, I know it!" She was hysterical. Severus sat down on the bed beside her. He had to find a way to calm her down.

"Lily?"

"No, he can't hurt my baby. I can't let him hurt him, please, don't let him. We have to get out of here, go away, far away."

"Lily!" She turned, hyperventilating. He took her hands. She blinked in surprise.

"Lily, listen to me. You-are-not-going-to-die, okay?" He said slowly. "No one is coming. The house is secure. Harry is safe, see?" Severus pointed down the hallway to where Harry's room was. "He's fine. He was sound asleep when I walked by."

"He won't be fine forever. Voldemort is going to kill my baby, my precious baby." She burst into tears. Severus moved closer to her on the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. She buried her face into his shirt. He put his arm around her. "I saw him kill Harry. I saw him do it. He killed me and then Harry. I know he's going to find us at some point and then that will be it. He'll kill us." She said through sobs.

He gently pushed her hair back, getting it off of her wet face. "Everything is fine. It was just a nightmare. No one is hurt. No one knows where you and Harry are, I promise. Everything is going to be okay." He said this, trying to mask his own uncertainty in the situation. He was well aware of the danger they all faced. Severus rubbed her back slowly, trying to calm her down.

Lily felt his hands against her back. As he touched her, a strange sensation rose up inside her. It was as if a flame was beginning to burn and she was not sure where it came from. Her heart began to race. Lily noticed how strong and soft his hands were as they caressed her spine and stroked her hair. She knew the feeling that was welling up inside her, but she refused to let herself believe it. She decided to try and push it out of her mind. There were too many other things to think about. Lily closed her eyes again, and tried to calm herself down. She could feel him breathing when she closed her eyes. She noticed that he smelled like peppermint and he felt so warm, in a comfortable way. The flame that she tried to put out just burned hotter. Lily berated herself mentally for thinking about him this way. "Dammit, get a hold of yourself. Think about something else. Remember that trip to Ireland as child. Remember the ocean. The ocean was calming." As she thought about the ocean, she drifted back to sleep.

Severus noticed she had stopped crying. Lily wasn't making a move to get out of his grip, so he figured she still wanted to be comforted. He closed his eyes as he rubbed her back in his own exhaustion. The next thing he remembered was a hard nudge on his arm.

Lily woke up to a soft heartbeat against her ear. She noticed she was moving very slightly as if someone was breathing under her. Lily looked up and realized she was lying with her head on Severus’s chest. His hand was still on her back. She bolted up and glanced around, thinking someone would see them like this. No one was in the house besides the three of them, so she did not know why she was so alarmed.

The night's events replayed in her mind and reminded her of how they had ended up in the position they were in. She nudged him. He didn't move. She pushed his arm hard and he awoke with a start.

Severus woke up to someone or something pushing him. He put his hands to his forehead and rubbed them down his face, trying to wake himself up. He had been rather comfortable and wasn't quite ready to get up for the day.

"Sev? Wake up! Sev?"

"I'm up." He mumbled and took his hands off his face. He looked around the room. This was Lily's room. "What's wrong?" He asked at the look of shock on her face.

"We slept together, that's what's wrong."

Severus looked at her with an eyebrow raised and grinned. "Did we now?" he laughed. " Surely I would have remembered that."

"You know what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"My mind is not in the gutter. You said we slept together. I was unaware we had done so."

She looked at him exasperated a second before turning away quickly. Her face grew hot and she blushed. This was not a something to joke about in her opinion.

"Unless you know something I don't." He joked seeing her blush.

"Very funny." She turned back to him and in her frustration with him, grabbed a pillow and threw it toward him before getting out of the bed. It hit him in the face.

He was bit surprised and threw it back and hit her arm on accident.

"Hey!" She grabbed the pillow and tried to strike him back, thinking he'd done that on purpose. He grabbed an extra pillow and blocked her strike. He got out of the bed.  
She looked at him for a moment. He looked back at her and for a split second, their gazes met. Lily broke the gaze, a sick uneasy feeling rising inside of her. She cleared her throat to break the tension. Severus could have sworn he saw something in her eyes when she looked into his. It was almost like a spark. It made him curious. Was she beginning to like him the way he liked her? No, absolutely not. He thought. He figured it was because he wanted her to like him back.

Harry started to fuss. She let out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. "I, I'm going to go get Harry." She left the room.

Severus made the bed once she left. The sun was shining through the windows and it made him happy for once. He couldn't help but smile. Severus passed by Harry's bedroom as Lily got him dressed. She looked up and gave him a little smile, trying to not show her tension.

"I guess I should thank you for last night. For trying to calm me down. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"I didn't mean to either."

"At least you didn't have any nightmares."

Severus grinned. "No, I dreamt about us sleeping together. Perhaps it wasn't really a dream, was it?"

She frowned. "Ha ha ha." She rolled her eyes. "You are never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"No." He said with a soft sneer. She huffed in aggravation. He smiled as she headed toward him.

"Come along, Sweetie." She said to Harry before turning to Severus. "I'm going to go get dressed and then we can have some breakfast." As he stepped aside to let them through the door, Harry spoke.

"Dada."

Lily turned back to Harry, who was looking at Severus. Lily looked at Severus and her heart began to race again. Her stomach gave a flip in a good way. She did not like it mentally though. She ran her fingers through her hair in complete frustration. Lily didn't know what was going on. She was tempted right then to pack their things and run as far away as possible. She knew it would be no use to do that though. Where would they go for one? Two, she knew she couldn't run from her feelings, even if they were feelings she did not want to have.

He noticed she seemed quite stressed. It was clear she wasn't having as good a morning as he was. She seemed conflicted for some reason. "He's a baby, Lily. He's called me that before. Surely, he doesn't think of me as his father. Honestly, that's just silly. James Potter is his father." He said the last sentence through his teeth, trying to mask his mild disgust.

Lily shook her head. At least Severus seemed unaware about her feelings for now. If he knew what was really bothering her, he'd probably flip out. "No, he does mean it and think it. I mean, yes, James is his real father, but he now thinks you are his father." Which isn't that big of a deal, she thought.

"Surely he doesn't. Not really. I doubt he even knows what the word means."

"The only person he has said that to was James. It was his first word." She sighed, her thoughts about Severus still racing through her mind. "Maybe living together like this was a bad idea. Why did I listen to Dumbledore? I knew this wouldn't turn out good." She bit her lip nervously.

"It's just a word. He’s a toddler. Things will end soon. I'm sure Dumbledore and the Order will find a way to get rid of You-Know-Who." He sighed inwardly. "Then you and the kid can go wherever you want, and I will go off somewhere too." He tensed up internally and looked at Lily, who was staring at a painting on the wall. Severus wondered if she had even heard him. "Lily?" She didn't answer. "Lily?" He said louder.

She realized he was speaking to her, but she was still lost in thought. "What?"

"You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?"

"Huh?"

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

Lily snapped out of her thoughts. He was looking at her with his eyebrow raised. She noticed his obsidian coloured eyes and how they matched his hair really well. She nearly panicked as she realized what she was doing. This was bad. What was she thinking? It had only been six months. What would James think if he knew she already liked someone else? Would he hate her for it? What would he think if he knew the person she was attracted to was Severus? Tears suddenly pierced her eyes. She swallowed them back.

"Everything is wrong." She said with a sigh.

"He'll learn the truth when he's a bit older if you are worried about him thinking I'm his father."

"It's not that, really. It's just a word." She admitted.

He blinked hard. "Then what is it?"

Lily shook her head. "It's nothing. Forget about it. Let’s-let's just have breakfast."

"Okay." He said sceptically. Severus wasn't going to try and understand. He decided maybe she was just having an off day or experiencing her monthly mood swings. He wasn't going to ask any more questions.

Lily started to speak but stopped herself. She walked toward the stairs and looked at him again. Her heart began to pound in her chest. The fight or flight response hit her. "I have to get out of here." She grabbed Harry and started down the steps.

"Where are you going to go?" He asked a bit nervous. He didn't want her to leave for good just yet.

"I don't know. Somewhere, anywhere. I need to think.” She paused and turned back to him though she refused to look at his face. “I'll be back."

He smiled when she was halfway down the stairs. "Ahem." He cleared his throat. "Do you intend to leave the house right now?"

"Yes." She said, exasperated. "I just need to get out of here."

"Lily."

"I'm losing it, I really am."

"Lily!"

"What?"

"You know you are still in your nightdress, don't you?" She looked down and cleared her throat, a little embarrassed.

"Fine. I'll change first." She set Harry down and headed back up to her room and nearly slammed the door unintentionally. 

Harry looked up Severus, clearly confused. Severus raised his eyebrow. "Go out?" He asked with a shrug.

"I guess so, kid."

Lily ran a brush over her hair and took a few deep breaths. She went over to the dresser and pulled out her engagement and wedding rings. She had taken them off as a way to cope and move forward with the loss. She put them in her pocket. Lily came out a few minutes later and headed for the bathroom. When she came out of the bathroom, she still wouldn't look at him and grabbed Harry, who had climbed back up the stairs.

"Are you sure you are okay, Lily?"

"I'm fine." She said through gritted teeth.

"I don't believe that. If it's Harry, I promise he's not anymore attached to me than he would be to any other person who helped care for him. James will still be his father. It's not like that will ever change. I'll never be the kid's father. You know that." He gulped. She finally turned at him. Her green eyes seemed filled with pain and confusion. Something else was definitely wrong. 

"I know that." She looked away and down at the carpet on the stairs. "Of course, James is his father and he's simply confused, I know. He doesn't understand everything that's been   
happening."

Lily wasn't sure where her Gryffindor bravery was. She was normally rather fearless. So why was she so afraid now? Why did she want to run for the first time in her life instead of face what was happening? She wasn't one to deny truth or reality normally, but she refused to believe this was occurring. What was happening scared her. She had been noticing it happening slowly. It had been growing and it certainly was going to surface at some point. She had convinced herself it wouldn't. She wasn't ready to feel something more than friendship, yet she was feeling it anyway.

"Is it James? Are you worried what he will think about his son calling me his father? I'm sure he'd understand it as a mistake even if it made him upset." 

Yes, thought Lily. What would James think about my predicament? He would hate me. What have I done? How could I allow myself to be put in this situation? Tears stung her eyes again.

"I'm not concerned about that." She said honestly. "I knew Harry might say it. It's no big deal, really."

Severus had no idea how a simple word had spiralled into so much more. She seemed almost miserable. He didn't know what to say or do to make her feel better because he didn't know what was wrong with her.

"I don't know what-" Her voice cracked. "I need to go. I need to get out of here." She headed for the door. "I'll be back soon." She left a bewildered Severus on the stairs as she rushed out. 

Something had happened and it little to nothing to do with Harry calling him dad. No, something else was bothering her. He had a feeling it was him, but he wasn't sure what he had done wrong. He ran his hands through his hair. He was good at reading people most of the time, but sometimes Lily was a mystery to him. Right now was one of those times.   
Severus wondered if he should go after her or leave her alone for the time being. He decided he would leave her for a little while to her thoughts and if she wasn't back in a half hour, he'd go check up on her and make sure she was okay. He figured she was at the local park. She liked to go there to think and let Harry play.

Lily put Harry in a swing. The air was rather cool and made her pull her jacket tighter against her body. She pushed him gently and let the swing move on its own. She would give him another boost every so often to keep the swing mobile. She took her engagement and wedding rings out of her pocket and looked at them. Lily stopped fighting the tears and let them fall. She had been doing so well at the grieving tasks. She had been doing fine at relocating James and trying to move forward. She just hadn't expected that part of her moving forward included falling in love with someone else.

All he did was try and comfort her when she was upset. He'd done it plenty of times before. What made last night different? She pondered. 

"I need someone to tell me what to do. Sometimes I wish my parents were still alive so I could ask them what to do." Lily sighed. "But really, I know what mum would say. She'd tell me that if what my heart is saying matches what the mind already knows, there is little you can do about it. And that is what scares me the most." She said this out loud to no one really. "I guess I want someone to tell me it is nothing and it will go away soon. No one can honestly do that though because even I know it's not true. Perhaps they will finally get rid of Voldemort in the next couple of days. We can go somewhere else and pretend none of this ever happened."

"That's not fair to Severus though. We've become friends again. I can't just leave and never speak to him again. Having feelings for him isn't a reason to stop talking to him. Normally, it is a reason to get closer. If I'm honest with myself, I want to get close to him, but I'm not ready for that emotionally. Mentally and physically, sure. Maybe here in a few months I will think about it. In the meantime, I need to push my feelings aside and focus on the point of this arrangement: To keep Harry safe."

She eyed the rings closer and filled with grief once again. "I'm sorry, James. I really am. I did not expect this to happen at all. I-" She choked back a sob. "I don't know why it is happening either. What can I do though? I can't just pretend I didn't feel anything. I already tried that. It only made it worse. I couldn't even look at him this morning without feeling something. I don't want to pursue anything yet despite how I feel. I'm not ready to do so. At some point later, I may be okay with it, but not now. If you can hear me, I hope you don't think poorly of me or him. I hope you don't hate me for all this."

Anger rushed through her. He shouldn't be mad at her. It wasn't her fault. It just happened. If he thought poorly of her, then that was his problem, not hers. If he hated her for her feelings, then screw him. After she thought this, guilt took over. How could she be mad at someone who isn't even alive? She had been in love with James. Of course, he wouldn't like it that she liked Severus, but certainly he would get over it. She would never stop loving James. Nothing would change what they had together. It would not be fair of him to hold her feelings against her.

"I hope you know that he has been good to me, to us. I know it can't be easy for him. Harry is the spitting image of you, minus his eyes and you two did not like each other to put it mildly. Still, he's been great, really. We actually get along fairly well, I must say. I figured we would be annoyed to pieces with each other, but really, he’s been great. At least to me anyway. It's not that hard to like him, though I know a lot of people don't.” 

She put the rings back in her pocket. As much as she wanted to deny it, the fact remained. She did like Severus, whether she was ready to fall in love or not.


End file.
